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Please help - abusive neighbour

61 replies

evansthebread · 25/07/2012 01:05

Hi All - newish here so please be gentle.

To cut a long story short - next door neighbour is also our tenant (DH is an accidental LL as the house couldn't be sold). They moved in last November, very pleased with house (we lived there for 8 years and left it perfect). She's very friendly with my MIL and there, I think, the problem began.

When we interviewed them they told us they had dogs but they were quiet. We also told them that DH works shifts and would appreciate peace & quiet while he's sleeping (2 days in every 8) during the day. They agreed and assured us there's be no problem.

There was. Within weeks of moving in they'd bought another dog. This dog was noisy, barking morning, noon and night. DH had seen them in the garden a few times and asked them to try to keep it quiet, then WE had complaints about the incessant barking from 2 other neighbours (we'd also had a complaint from our old neighbour that she was shouting and swearing at her kids a LOT - kids aged 6 & 8). We knocked on their door at 11 am one Saturday as both their cars were there, to tell them that we were fed up with both the dogs and the complaints. Cue fireworks. She went absolutely mental, effing and blinding. Her husband was physically trying to restrain her. She screamed at me that I was a "effing spoiled b!tch" amongst many other insults and that just rang bells in my head - I could just hear my MIL telling her this.

Upshot of all this was that they got rid of the newest dog, but one of the other, previously fairly quiet dogs had then started barking a lot. FF to April when we'd had more complaints so wrote a letter asking them to make a mutually convenient date to talk about the dogs/complaints. We put at end of letter that we were happy for the wife to be there but would not tolerate abuse or bad language. We never had a reply. Last month he complained that the shower was leaking which we had fixed within 3 days (they have 2 bathrooms so weren't without).

Shortly afterwards, her boys were playing in the garden with a variety of balls. For several days I'd asked them to be a bit more careful or to play in the park (opposite - they usually just play on the road), but they kept throwing the balls over onto our fruit plants. After throwing the ball back for the 9th time, I could see that they were having fun using me to play fetch (not fun for me as I'm on crutches). Within seconds of me turning my back, the ball was back in so I turned around and said, in a raised voice but not a shouty/aggressive tone, "Enough! I'm keeping the ball here. Send your father around to get it when he gets home." Shocked silence then they both ran back in crying (crying is a regular occurrence as the oldest hits the cr@p out of both the youngest AND the (quiet) dog). Few minutes on and she's out calling my name which I totally ignored. When DH came home that evening, her husband was waiting at the gate, complaining that I'd "shouted at them so much, they wet the bed every night" WTF? They hadn't even been sent to bed! They were playing in the street until DH came home!

Anyway (yep, the end is nigh), Saturday afternoon I was bringing washing in and glanced at her in the garden to which I had "What the EFF are you staring at, b!tch?" and I ignored. Later on, bringing more washing in, she was SCREAMING at her kids in the kitchen, effing and blinding so loud that as I turned to look I noticed my neighbour the other side looking up. She caught me looking and totally went off, "What the eff are you looking at you effing barren b!tch? You don't have any effing kids so what the eff would you know about them?" I was trying to get back into the house as quickly as possible - not so easy with crutches and a washing basket. Then, out she comes withe baby (the one that has only just come out of a 2.5 month stay in hospital in the preemie unit as her mother refused to give up smoking despite being told she'd be born early), loudly baby talking whilst effing at me at the same time.

I'd had enough and before DH came home and banned me, I called the police. The lady taking down the details seemed quite nice. She said someone would be in touch in 24 hours. Meanwhile DH comes home and starts telling me I shouldn't have involved them. They never called back so I called again next night. Got an even nicer lady who took the time to take all the background plus my background (glassed by ex step-sister/abusive ex husband who held me down for his g'friend to beat me up then broke into my locked bedroom and chainsawed my bed in half - just for starters). I have fibromyalgia and broke both my ankles in a fall a few years back - am still waiting to see a surgeon as they're still extremely painful. I've also been seeing a counsellor for 4 years as I was almost housebound with agoraphobia for 12 years - ironically, this is the first summer (hah!) I've started to venture into the garden doing normal things like hanging out washing and watching DH with his beloved fruit bushes. My anxiety is so extreme I needed Diazepam to attend my niece's wedding - the first social event I've been to for 11 years. Anyway, nice lady told me they'd get a female officer to sort it out (also intimidated around strange men).

Well, had phone call tonight from female officer saying they'd sent someone around to talk to them and put them on an anti-social behaviour register. Apparently, from what I can gather, I'm now on it, too, as they're counter-allegated. But there's no need for me to worry as it's not an ASBO.

What does this mean? I just wanted someone to go around and make her stop harassing me when I'm in the garden. Her words really, really hurt me. My MIL has apparently filled her in that we can't have kids (I come on here as I have 10 nephews and 3 nieces that I'm very close to and feel like I'm a substitute mum to at times) as I've had 7 miscarriages and was finally told that it would be impossible to carry past first trimester. I don't ever want to be called that again by anyone.

I want them gone but DH argues that they keep the place clean and pay their rent on time. He doesn't seem to see past that to the trouble they've caused. The WPC wanted to speak to him tonight about what he was going to do. I know what he's going to do - take the easiest road (which is just to shut up and put up!). He's tried to be a good LL but now is in the position of having a nagging wife (who's slowly starting to go off the rails again) and of not having a clue on how to evict them even if he wanted to!

WWYD? Would you let them stay or ask them to leave? I'm obviously hoping for some support here as I just don't think I'll ever be happy living next door to a woman like that. I kept a voice-activated recorder in my pocket when I was with my ex as the police wouldn't take me seriously until the tape caught him screaming at me that he was gonna bury a hammer in my head. I don't want to have to go back to those days - I still have nightmares NIGHTLY about him and ended up having a nervous breakdown.

Please help - I need someone to kind of read this situation for me as I have no faith in myself and if I'm overreacting. I'm starting to think that I've started to wander off the path to Sane again.

Evans

PS Didn't do a good job of cutting the long story short!

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 25/07/2012 22:12

Go on to landlord zone. Theres lots of experienced landlords that can help you make the right steps, depending on what contract you have. Im assuming you have their bond in an approved scheme? If not, you need to get it in asap. But yes give them notice. Theres no way i would live next to a harpy like that if i was their landlord!!!

HumphreyCobbler · 25/07/2012 22:19

agree with all the others, that you should get them out but Angry on your behalf that your DH is not being more supportive.

evansthebread · 25/07/2012 22:37

Thank you All again for your replies and support. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Trouble is, we're nice people. It was my old home and I'm still attached emotionally to it as it was my refuge and the only place I've always felt safe-ish. I wanted someone who'd love and look after the place like I did (what kind of perfect world was I living in?!). We thought they were nice people. We interviewed them and they were very nice/polite and their house was spotless. They were also desperate as their notice was running out and she was pregnant. I'm an idiot, clearly, as I'm the one who told DH they must be nice - gran friendly with MIL and all.

DH was working last night and I thought I'd sit by the back door and enjoy the evening sunshine, (and give the dog a good brushing - usually DH's job as he has to be groomed outside or there's hair absolutely everywhere!), but armed with the recorder on my mobile. I so wish I hadn't, just so I wasn't a stupid sitting duck. Within minutes, they were all out there - they were making a huge fuss of the baby and the husband started bouncing the baby on the trampoline, screaming at the wife to bring the camera cos the baby was loving it. Sounds innocent enough, but I know these vile people now and it was all done as a big show for the "barren effing b!tch" next door (these are people who shout and swear constantly at their kids - it was like watching a family of multiple personalities doing a Jekyll and Hyde). Needless to say, dog and myself went back indoors.

What's even sadder is that the parents have obviously been talking in front of their kids as even the kids were saying nasty stuff before the parents came out. I have a feeling that those children are not going to grow up to be well-adjusted adults. I may not have my own kids, but I certainly wouldn't be dragging them up those those two are.

Thanks, All, for the support about my MH issues, too. I've spent most of today thinking about what's gone on and you're right, they are a bit thick to think they can get away with this (I think the police must've helped, though, cos at least I wasn't shouted at last night). I would never treat my LL like that (or anyone else come to think of it). I'm pushing DH to get rid. Like MirandaG, I won't be able to cope with this - I suffered low-level harassment from my ex for years that nearly drove me to suicide (nothing the police could do, apparently - that was my ex being his usual sneaky/sly self). I'll cope externally, but internally I will be breaking down.

Wish me luck - I'm nagging him to see a solicitor while he's off this week.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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DanyTargaryen · 25/07/2012 22:37

Get them out, they are clear aggravating your (serious) illness. I am so sorry you are going through this. Hope it gets resolved ASAP.

evansthebread · 30/07/2012 22:34

Update:

Well, DH got the forms and served them notice last Friday (minimum is 8 weeks) so I'll have 2 months more (please, God, no more) of putting up with them.

Had to call police again today, but they're clearly not interested. The husband was in garden encouraging them to kick their balls in and shout as loud as they can (they have no problem doing that - I have never heard kids like them!) as I'd left the curtains closed when DH went to work this morning (I have difficulty getting up and down stairs and our old next-door-but-one neighbour died a few years ago falling down hers, then, our old next-door neighbour fell down his and died so I'm waiting to be the third in a row! Makes me reluctant to go upstairs if I'm on my own!), so if they think he's sleeping they come out and scream. Anyway, ball came in so I walked over, picked it up and walked back into the house - accompanied by a nano-second of shocked silence then her screaming through window, "Give my effing ball back, you effing bitch! (DH name), call the effing police, she's stealing the effing ball!" I was shaking like a leaf for an hour. My sister came over and couldn't believe how much and how long it took me to calm down. I hate that they have that effect on me.

Solicitor had told us to gather up the balls and whatever else they throw in (though she's started spitting into our garden now - won't be picking that up!) and take them down to the police station, leaving a note through the door telling them to pick up there. Policeman told me not to bother, just throw them into front garden, which is an open parking space, and if they get pinched, so be it (kids leave bikes and trikes and all manner of toys out there day and night but nothing's disappeared yet). He also said that if they climb the wall and our dog (who we leave loose in the garden when we're home as it's an enclosed space) bites them, or their ball, it wouldn't be our problem - same goes if they fall or hurt themselves on our property. Surely this isn't correct?

I hate this situation. It's killing me. And there's nothing I can do. Sorry to sound like I'm throwing a pity party for myself here, but I have no support (apart from the support I've had here), and although there's light at the end of a long tunnel, but I'll be going through hell to get there and honestly don't know if I can cope. But thank you All, again. As a newbie, your wonderful support has made me cry when I've read the replies.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 30/07/2012 22:46

Just count the days. They will be out of your life in less than 9 weeks and you will never have to think of them again.

Do you have a holiday planned that you can have a break from them?

((hugs)) it's a crapy situation but as you say there is light at the end...

OlympicRelay · 30/07/2012 22:56

When reality bites they will change their focus to finding a new home, sadly as you made them homeless they may go to the council for la housing. I hope they don't give you a hard time leaving. Do keep deposit unfilled the last minute and check property for damage.

HumphreyCobbler · 31/07/2012 09:27

hang on in there my dear, you have done the right thing.

I get that if you took the stuff to the police station then that might actually STOP them from doing it again, whereas if you just put them out the front it may not have that effect.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, it must be so stressful and horrible. Come and tell us all about it, we have support you through this Smile

ZillionChocolate · 31/07/2012 12:12

Glad that your DH has supported you and given them notice. Just sit tight and wait for them to go. They sound like dreadful people.

evansthebread · 31/07/2012 21:36

Thank you All again.

Had another horrible day - I was on the phone to my counsellor (emergency appointment, cut again last night) and there they were, glaring at me through their kitchen window (looks straight into our conservatory - the only place in the house I can get a phone signal) and spitting through the window. This was 20 minutes after the police had left! My heart has been pounding all day and I can't sleep. I'll be amazed if I don't have a heart attack soon (my family don't take stress well - both my uncles were dead of heart attacks by my age and my aunt and dad committed suicide). I promised my counsellor I wouldn't hurt myself and I keep my promises, but my poor heart.

I know we're going to have damage and it really upsets me because our old home really is a lovely family home. We'd put a brand new kitchen and bathroom in and I'm just dreading seeing it. I know I need to tear my heart away from that place but it really was my first happy home.

When we interviewed them initially, they said they were unwilling to accept council housing as they only houses available locally are in an estate that used to have a bad rep - don't want to sound like a bitter b*tch, but I really think it would suit them! I'm beginning to understand now why her ex-neighbour poured petrol through their letterbox!

I've never prayed so hard in my life as I have the last few days that they'll find somewhere and quick. Somehow, though, I can't see that happening.

But thanks again All for your good wishes and advice.

OP posts:
Olympicnmix · 01/08/2012 16:31

Did they pay a deposit?

What about blinds in the kitchen, lots of days out, going for a massage, pliates...basically anything that lets you shut them out and gives you ease is going to be the way to go.

redlac · 01/08/2012 16:43

Don't engage with them AT ALL. Ignore the balls getting kicked over - they are doing it to get a reaction so if you don't give them one they will get bored. Hope the next 2 months pass quickly for you

OlympicRelay · 01/08/2012 16:54

As ll you should book to view take photos etc, they are fools who will have a shit reference from you, noone will have them due to behaviour. Film them in your property and send that to whoever asks for a reference.

LadySybildeChocolate · 01/08/2012 17:06

Sad You shouldn't have to put up with this, you've done the right thing. Can you get CCTV? I wouldn't be surprised if they don't move out without a fight, so you need to look into what you need to do next in case they stay put after the notice period has ended.

GhouliaYelps · 01/08/2012 17:20

This is awful I'm not sure you can cope with 2 months of this :(

Olympicnmix · 01/08/2012 18:43

It would be a good idea to get some advice online - think someone suggested a landlords' website upthread - so you know what to do just in the event of a)them not moving out b)causing damage to the property, so you anticipate the worst and can act quickly even though I sincerely hope they just sod off at the end of the 8 weeks. I do hope they paid a deposit.

evansthebread · 02/08/2012 01:16

Yes, took deposit, held in one of the schemes. DH went round for the rent today but was told he wasn't having it. He was also asked when they'd get their deposit back!!

They're now loudly complaining to my MIL who, of course, told DH that this is ALL my fault. She told him that the family would have to live in a tent on their grandmother's lawn and use her facilities in an effort to make him feel bad/us fall out. Quite frankly, I just want this over and them out of our lives ASAP even if that leaves them in a tent (the husband should be used to it - she kicks him out frequently so he sleeps in his van in a lay-by).

I feel sorry for the kids. The oldest one is going to have big problems. I've caught him holding their little spaniel in a headlock, punching her on two occasions, and caught him beating another much smaller child with a length a pipe a few weeks ago. They damaged a neighbours car a few months back - I was in the garden and heard her put on her "nice" voice and apologise to the neighbour, then she plead poverty and the neighbour and he let her get away with it! I hate to imagine what she's said to the police about me.

I wish I was a hard-nosed b*tch instead of a shaking, sleep-deprived wreck. No wonder they use it as a torture technique!

OP posts:
JUbilympiX · 02/08/2012 01:55

Gosh, they sound appalling. You poor thing. Did you ask the solicitor if there is any way you can get them out more quickly?

DH and I are accidental LL, too. We have had a bad tenant in that he simply didn't pay the rent, but we felt sorry for him and let it run for much longer than we should have. He ended up doing a midnight flit, owing us several thousand, but it was our fault for not dealing with him properly in the first place. We're not the only ones anyway - I don't know how many bailiffs we've had at our door looking for him!

Anyway, after that we used an estate agent to find a tenant for us. She has lived in the flat for 2 years and is wonderful. It's worth the fee.

So, get them out ASAP (which you are doing) and find an agent who will do tenant searches and checking. When you get a good tenant hang onto them. Our current tenant has had no rent rises since she moved in, as we know she'll find it hard to pay more, and we'd rather she stayed.

JUbilympiX · 02/08/2012 01:57

Oh, and if you have your phone with you all the time, you can film the boy abusing the dog and other kids, and also record any abuse directed at you. I strongly advise you to do that.

OlympicRelay · 02/08/2012 09:13

You need a solicitor now that they are refusing to pay rent, you may be able to go to court to get them out sooner.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/08/2012 09:42

spitting at you through the window?

God almighty, they are unbelievable. Is there anyone you can go out to to get some space? Not running away from them, just to give yourself a break.

I cannot believe that you have to put up with this. Surely the police can do something? Are you logging every incident?

you poor thing. They are utter bastards.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 02/08/2012 09:44

Yes - start the formal eviction process - even if you don't need it any delay now will just prolong the misery.

I would be really concerned about the children - maybe call social services or your community police to flag your concerns?

Poor little spaniel!

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/08/2012 10:54

IIRC, spitting at someone is classed as assault. Are they claiming housing benefit? If so, I'd get in touch with the council as they are paying the rent, not the tenants. If they pay late constantly the council can arrange for it to be paid directly to you. I'd start legal proceedings, unfortunately it's not always a speedy process. Keep a diary of all of their behaviour towards you, and get as much evidence as you can. Ignore your MIL, she sounds like a right cow.

Angelico · 02/08/2012 10:57

Get legal advice pronto - you need these people out. You also need much more police involvement.

Your MIL is clearly as nutty as them if she expects you to feel sorry for the people who are ruining your lives Hmm Definitely video them if you can - might shut her up. Alternatively get your DH to tell him mum to f*k off to the far side of F*k and take them in herself if she's so concerned about them.

Also get advice from SS. Animal cruelty is a massive red flag - there is sometimes a link between animal cruelty / arson / sexual and physical abuse - used to work with SS and had to read up on this a lot because of a couple of kids we had in with these kinds of behaviours. They need to be on the radar not just for their own protection but for the safety of other kids in the community. I'm not joking here - please take this seriously.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/08/2012 10:59

Angelico's right. Children who are abusing animals is a huge red flag. It's not normal behaviour at all.