Too scared to do AIBU - DD and school trousers

[remote]

Bit trivial in the scheme of things - also light hearted just wondering whether people agree?

DD is 13. When she started Y8 we bought her 2 pairs of black school trousers. They are not awful but plain. School made a big thing about hem not being allowed to wear "fashion" styles so we went for something plain and boring. Of course, school actually don't give a rats arse what kind of trousers they wear as long as they are black so DD now has some awful lycra containing skinny trousers that she bought with her own money.

These however are now falling apart and have a hole in the seam where the zip would be if they had a fly. She is asking me/DH to buy her a new pair, I say no, there are still 2 pairs of perfectly ok trousers in the wardrobe hardly worn, she is in a strop and wants me to lend her the money until she gets her pocket money, I still say no.

I am not going to stop her buying them with her own money but I don't feel lending her the money is a good example as it's not something I agree with for non essential items.

Am I being.... you know, unreasonable?

(sorry - that is very long and boring!!!)

Yeah. Get her to babysit or clean chimneys or something. If she wants fancy trousers, set her to work:

www.mturk.com/mturk/sorthits?searchSpec=HITGroupSearch%23T%231%2310%23-1%23T%23!%23!NumHITs!1!%23!&selectedSearchType=hitgroups&searchWords=&sortType=Reward%3A1&%2Fsort.x=14&%2Fsort.y=5

I'd buy them, she doesn't want to wear the other ones because they aren't fashionable and she'l feel like a fool. Whilst in theory she should wear the others I bet you have things you wouldn't want to wear.

I'd buy her the ones she wants.
It's so important to fit in at that age.

Depending on your money situation of course.

But I would totally buy her the pair she wants.

You know how it is at that stage. Girls can be nasty. I want my DC to see me as being on their side and helping them through the world. Not making life difficult for them.

Doesn't mean I am a pushover (seriously, far from it. I am an absolute stickler for discipline, routine and good manners) but for the sake of a pair of trousers that your DD will she will wear for most of the week (not like a frivilous sparkly top etc), then I would def buy.

Hmm. All good points.

I do agree that I wouldn't want her to be wearing something dorky but the ones we got honestly aren't that bad and among 500 girls wearing black trousers you probably wouldn't notice.

Taking on board the idea of compromise I think I will give her an advance for half and pay the other half.

She is a good girl and does already do chores without too much fuss. She has also just had a really exceptional school report so I think I will cut her some slack!

Thanks for your thoughts.

Oh buy them, I well remember the utter misery of wrongness.
Make her 'buy' them with chores or do it as a loan but let her have them.

Sorry, XP

Good solution
Some right meanies on here as usual

Amazed at so many people saying lend her the money.
She's only 13!
Be on her side on this one OP and give her the money or better still take her out to buy them.

< remembers the humiliation of cheap socks that were neither white nor proper knee length>

"500 girls wearing black trousers you probably wouldn't notice."

Teenagers will!

The best advice that I ever got was look at the uniform list and then look at what pupils actually wear before you buy. I hated to stick out at that age and would buy her the trousers, or at least lend the money. Sell the others on EBay.

Ok. big thanks to MN. we have gone from me not buying or lending to a nice girly trip in to town on Saturday and lunch out!

I do want to be on her side and I often forget what a good kid she really is. she is not in the slightest bit spoilt and she never really "expects" anything.

She has just told me she hates the idea of being so shallow about a pair of trousers but she just can't stand the others! I love my DD she is adorable!!!

Oh for gods sake buy the child some trousers she likes, it's not her fault you got it "wrong" with the first two pairs.
My dad did this sort of crap to me, we do not speak these days, the little things grind down a relationship.

well just read this and have to say I'm very pleased with how it's ended. Enjoy your shopping trip

Lend her the money. Then let her sell the other ones on eBay .

But make sure you get the money back- don't let it be what is known in our family as " Father Horan's shilling"!

'the ones we got honestly aren't that bad and among 500 girls wearing black trousers you probably wouldn't notice.'

Ah come on now -- listen to yourself

Would you have liked to hear that at 13?

Ok Mosman. I'm sorry you have had a shit relationship with your dad but I have already said I am buying them for her. I don't really understand the need for that kind of post. surely the fact that I even asked shows that I am not a horrible couldn't give a shit kind of parent?

Glad you found a solution OP.
Enjoy your day out

I'm not usually in favour of pandering to children. But surely we can all remember being 13 and not wanting to wear clothes we thought were hideous. I'd buy the new trousers. This time.

Oh God it's just dawned on me that 5yo dd will one day refuse culottes and knee high socks won't she?

Fab solution and enjoy your day.

Dd will remember for a long time you helped her out when she really wanted something. :)

remote... good on you! girly afternoon and lunch.... lovely. You have turned a potential battleground into something that your DD will remember fondly. The kind of memory that when she is a mum she will think back to the time you bought her the school trousers she was desperate for so she didn't stick out, and you actually made it a treat.

I know some mumsnetters out there would think I am a pushover thinking this, but check out all the threads involving the daughters who have terrible relationships with their mothers. It is the little things like this that impact on the big things later down the line.

I'd get her whatever everyone else has.

It's all that matters.

Oh you did. Good.