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Argh ugh. Stupid situation with another school mum. I don't know what to tell her. PLEASE HELP ME!!

40 replies

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 11:33

Ok I'm going to try to be brief....and try not to sound insane.

There is a mum who lives opposite me.Kids go to the same school and get on well. The kids wanted to walk to school together, and so they started to call for us every morning (which is a bit of a pain as she likes to leave 15 mins earlier than me.) But anyway it was quite ok for a while, shes ten years younger than me, we have pretty much nothing in common. I find her VERY opinionated, she tends to shout you down a bit when you have a different opinion to something, she'll often start her reply with a shouted "NO, but..." I find that a bit tiring first thing in the morning.

Also she tends to get VERY pally with other mums, to the point that their kids will sleep over all weekend at her house and they will be seeing each other all the time, then suddenly she will fall out with them. This year, I have seen her fall out with about four other mums that I can think of and various friends who arent at the school. She will usually send them a text telling them to "fuck off" then ignore them as if she cant see them. Honestly, its ludicrous and a bit mental. Since ive witnessed her doing this a few times, and also because I dont really want to become close friends with her, I have been friendly but have not got TOO friendly.

Cut to a few weeks ago and we had this daft discussion where she was being really mean about one of the teachers and i disagreed with her. She got very shouty,(this is on the morning school run!!) and just kept shouting the same sentence at me in a slightly crazed way, as if if she shouted it louder I would suddenly see her point!! After that I could tell she was annoyed with me. Which is fine. To be honest I felt irritated also. So I decided to start walking in a bit later, distance myself a bit. and she was very offish with me, ignored me at school things that both our kids were taking part in, or said hi in that tight lipped "I hate you but HI" way!! but I just carried on saying a polite "hello" regardless becasue i thought it was silly to totally ignore each other. Today I have received a message on bloody facebook saying "Hi, are you ok, you seem a bit offish with me? HOpe you all are ok x"

So what the actual fuck do I reply to that?! I want to say "well yes I have been , you get on my tits and you've been quite narky and rude the last few weeks" But obviously I cant say that. I cant ignore it, because that looks petty.

Would it be ok to say,

"Hi, sorry if you feel like I have been rude, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. To be honest I could tell I was irritating you after our discussion about the teacher, so I just thought it best to walk in separately and give each other a bit of space! These things happen sometimes, but I certainly didnt mean to make you feel like I was being off with you!"

Oh god, this sounds so utterly petty, you're all going to rip me to shreds aren't you!! It really IS petty, this seems to be the way most of the mums at this school carry on, and I just find it all so exhausting, I just want to drop my kids off and not get into all the petty arguments and friendship circle weirdness.
Sorry this is so hideously long, I have a real problem with writing concise OP's!! If you got to the end, congrats.

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 18/04/2012 11:42

Oh dear! It is petty, but that's her fault not yours. I think your reply is quite good, I'd just try to laugh it off and say 'oh i thought you were cross with me, glad you're not' type thing? Just try not to make anything of it.

She's a loon, but if your kids are friends, probably easier to continue as you are - being aquaintences (sp?) rather than best mates.

countydurhamlass · 18/04/2012 11:45

i'd say something like " i'm fine, havent had a chance to catch up as been a bit busy lately, you know how it is! lol, Hope you dont mind us not walking to school together but its the only time me and dc get to have a quality chat on our own and i am sort of missing it - they grow up so fast and before long they will be walking to school on their own. Hope you are all ok,

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 11:46

Thanks for your reply Pootles, and for not thinking Im insane Grin

Yes, I kind of want to just be on "hello! Nice weather!" terms...I dont want them to start calling for us in the morning. I should maybe put a bit about it working better for us to go in fifteen mins later (so we dont have to stand outside the farking school doing gossiping for fifteen minutes while we wait for the door to open!!).

Ok so you dont think my reply sounds narky. Im baring in mind that this will be picked over by her and her latest Besties up at the school - I dont want to give them any reason to try and start some sort of punch up with me in the playground.....Grin

OP posts:
geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 11:47

OOh that's quite good, Countydurhamlass, I may take some of that for the "dont knock for us any more" part....

OP posts:
tiredcupcakes · 18/04/2012 11:52

I think your reply sounds abit... like you are taking the blame and are willing to be a doormat. Which I think will leave the door open to her doing it again.
Perhaps try and stand up for yourself, I know its easy to just want an easy life and get on but, she sounds like a bit of a git lol. Just try not to get sucked in by her and her games.
Good luck x

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 11:57

yes to be honest, I suppose I dont want to give her any ammunition to start some ridiculous bitch fest up at the school. I kind of wanted to point out that I recognised that she had in fact been behaving like she was annoyed as well, to be honest BOTH of us have behaved like that, not just me.

It is so hard because she isnt the type of person you can reason with or who will ever admit any wrong doing, so what can you do. Her responses are a bit Vikki Pollardish, to a lesser degree but not that far off. I have to be at this school with her for the next 3 years Sad Oh god, and living oppisite her FOR EVERRRRRRR

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 18/04/2012 12:04

tbh I would ignore and wait for her to mention it in person. You may well end up in a FB slanging match and that would be petty and embarrassing

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:07

ha, yes, then we could both start posting those insane "SOMEONE needs to take that look off their face during the school run....." status updates!! I hate those!! I wont get into an argument. I cant be arsed, if she tries I will then ignore. If I dont reply, I think it wont get mentioned. I could talk to her about it in person I suppose. I just feel like it will turn into another frustrating shouty conversation.

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 18/04/2012 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredcupcakes · 18/04/2012 12:12

Yea, saying that if u have to live over the road from her (I forgot that bit) I would say what toughasoldboots said. x

CherryBlossom27 · 18/04/2012 12:17

This woman sounds like she's best avoided, but unfortunately you can't do that with everyone! If it was me, I wouldn't even get dragged into it,mid reply something like "hi xx, yes I'm fine thanks, you? See you tomorrow x"

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:23

Ok, so something bright and breezy then. I will go with,

"Hi, no not at all, it's all quite hectic in the morning so has been much easier for us to leave later in the mornings! Other than that, i'm fine thanks, how are you? See you soon x"

That sound ok?

Yes, you're all right it is more sensible not to drag the other stuff up. I am always so tempted to tell people when they have been unreasonable, but it's not always that helpful is it?

Really hate this kind of thing, I never know what the best approach is, so thanks everyone who has taken the time to reply, it's really helped Smile

OP posts:
geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:27

I have sent the above. I feel better now :)

OP posts:
quickhide · 18/04/2012 12:29

Yup I wouldn't mention the teacher discussion- don't even admit you were/thought she was off with you. Bright and breezy!

quickhide · 18/04/2012 12:29

Yup I wouldn't mention the teacher discussion- don't even admit you were/thought she was off with you. Bright and breezy!

maples · 18/04/2012 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CamperFan · 18/04/2012 12:34

Whilst I agree with tiredcupcakes, I would probably reply along the lines of toughas or cherryblossom.

CamperFan · 18/04/2012 12:35

OOps, I see you already have!

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:37

lol thanks though Camperfan, I am pleased to see you agree GrinSmile

Blimey I never IMAGINED the school run could be so bloody stressful!!

OP posts:
Jajas · 18/04/2012 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:44

oh I will, of course lol. Goes without saying! She has posted a few enigmatic status updates in the last twenty four hours, so I am wondering if they are now ALL ABOUT ME GrinGrin

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Jajas · 18/04/2012 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 18/04/2012 12:51

I am being pathetic, Jajas, they are clearly not about me at ALL!! They are:

"Well, dont you just learn something knew every day :P "
which the new besties have liked and had a bit of Lol'ing over.

and then "dont you just hate when a thought gets stuck in your head and stops you from sleeping lol , well lets hope its a better day today weather wise , have a good day everyone :) x"
ditto above responses. Though to be fair, I dont think many other people like them because she is likely having some kind of spat and ignoring the majority of the 20984098 people on her friends list Wink

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FunnysInLaJardin · 18/04/2012 12:52

Grin at the status updates. Hopefully that will sort it and she'll keep her distance. Bloody nightmare

FunnysInLaJardin · 18/04/2012 12:54

you know what? Folk who post updates like that are twats IMO. Attention seeking twats. I'd hide her messages if it were me. CBA with that lark at all

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