Not sure how I feel about this situation...???

[rattie77]

My DH and I and our children are lucky enough to be living rent free in the house he grew up in. We have lived here for a long time after living in a council property after we were repossessed many years ago. My deceased FIL stated that he always wanted his son (my DH) to have the house as the other child didn't want or need the money or property. My MIL passed away over a year ago and we were always led to believe that the property deeds would then become DHs. The other sibling has control of all the legal financial stuff and it has not been mentioned. My DH is rather frustrated about this for a few reasons: He wants to know where he stands with regard to the property, especially should anything happen to either of us, The property is in dire need of repair - it is falling down around us really, even the kids are joking about it. We are quite a poor family, despite not paying rent, complicated to go into really but only one wage earner on a low income, hence no money over to do any major repairs. The last reason is that he feels powerless - is the other sibling witholding the information for a reason, it feels rather like a control issue. DH is a very unassuming person and was always quite in awe and dominated by his mother and I think he feels this way regarding the other sibling, he is a bit worried about asking. We do live a long way from them and he feels it is not something that can be discussed over the phone. If we wait until he can go and see them it may take a while as the petrol cost is quite a lot and we are living on a tight budget at the moment. It does seem awful to complain when so many are struggling to pay rent/mortgage, but are we being unreasonable in wanting to know where we stand and what would you do?.

there must have been a will surely ? an estate has to be "wound up " if no legal complications i would be of the opinion you could google said topic or consult a brief just to have a legal opinion in fact yeah , if no will the state would be onto you for it all, so , there is a legal framework only perhaps problem(?) is your fella re his brother , hope this is a little help

Your DH needs to just phone his brother and ask. Theres no need for it to be awkward or confrontational but he does need to know where he stands regarding the house so you can plan for your future.
Unless there are other issues regarding the brother I can't see why he would be offended at you enquiring about the estate.

Your DH just needs to call his brother and find out.

Get a copy of the will, if there was one, to find out what Mil wanted to happen. It costs about a tenner.

Thanks for your replies. Apparantly there wasn't a will??, which seems bizarre as we were always led to believe there was one throughout the years. On MIL deathbed it was stated again by MIL that the house was to go to my DH. There was a legal person there either before or just after the death, not sure what the role was - it was all very hectic, but maybe so other sibling could have power of attorney?. There was nothing left of value in fact a small debt was owed by MIL which was sorted out and we have not heard anything since. We have seen the sibling a few times since but last time was at a funeral and it didn't seem fitting to bring it up. Basically as I said earlier I think DH is scared, though he denies it of course, just always says he has never had the opportunity. I Tthought myself it would have been broached by the sibling by now, but it is never mentioned. They know we are struggling and what a state the house is in - but just choose to ignore it. I am just feeling so confused about how I feel - am I wrong to be upset - its not my house/family,shouldn't I be grateful for living there rent free? Or do I have a right to be upset, we gave a house up (again not ours a council owned one) to live here years ago, we jumped at the chance at the time but at least I had some level of security and knew where I stood.

You're not being ungrateful, you need to know where you stand so you can make future plans. I know your DH is scared to ask his brother in case it's bad news and you are not getting the house but the worst thing in this situation is the insecurity you feel from not knowing where you stand.
Once you know either way at least you can take action and move on from this.

I don't quite understand your point about the state it's in, needing repair. If you are living there rent free, you should do whatever you can to keep it in a reasonable state of repair whether it will belong to you eventually or not

I would ask.

Seriously, how long is your DH going to wait? Maybe he could write a letter (send registered post) setting out matter of factly the situation as he sees it and asking what is happening with regards to the property.

This isn't something you can be reticent about!

Of course you're right to be upset - it's your home at the moment. Given your financial situation it must be scary not knowing with any certainty about your home.

The only way you will get security is by taking action yourself.

If there was no will, then surely rules of intestacy apply? Ususally split between children of the deceased first, I think (am not qualified in the slightest). But will or no will the estate has to be leaglly wound up - did she have a solicitor? I don't think you should pin any hopes on what your MIL said on her deathbed though

Is there a solicitor handling your in-laws estate? If there is no will, then the property will be divided up between all legal inheritors, I think.

You can make a request atbtje probate office for a copy of the will if there was one or info on the intestate estate of both parents in law.
It may be that the estate hasnt been wound up. So there will be no record.
It could be that house ownership has been transferred and your dh just doesnt know. You could also go on land registry web site and for a small fee you can obtain info on the registered owner.
Wills and probate docs are also public documents and available for a small fee.
Worst case scenario is that there was no will and your sibling in law owns half the house jointly with dh. However they don't seem to be in any hurry to get any capital or rent if they did own a half share, so maybe they don't see any point in sorting it as they don't gain iykwim.
If you are living rent free in house you own/ half own but can't afford to maintain doesn't seem a fab situation to me and I think you need to get it resolved one way or another.
Worst case is your dh has a half share you can then sell buy a smaller / cheaper place or rent privately and have a bit of money in the bank.
In the short term can you save what you would be paying in rent to put towards a repairs fund.

Your DH needs to ask his sibling. It might be the case that the matter of the deeds hasn't occurred to them, they might assume your DH already has them. When my parents died, it turned out that their house deeds were still stored at the bank where they'd had the mortgage (which was paid off some 20+ years previously).

And don't put off repairs just because you don't have possession of the deeds.

I agree, it really does need sorting, its making us both a bit despondent tbh. Re: maintaining the property, we do the best we can and have maintained it somewhat but we have no real spare funds , living hand to mouth at the moment ( and I know we would be in an awful state if we did have to pay rent, probably wouldn't eat !). It is a long complicated tale, but basically for various reasons there is only one wage coming into the home to pay everything and we just about manage. If anything unexpected comes up or kids need clothes/car tax/ etc its a juggling act. It is not just decorative stuff that needs doing though now, the house is approx 45 years old so things are starting to go and as we all know major jobs require a fair bit of cash. It seems a bit of a hopeless situation until DH plucks up the courage to sort it out.

Well the ball is in your DH's court. Whats the worse that will happen if he does ask? You can't wait forever.

How on earth will you pay for the repairs either way?

I suppose that we are hoping we may be able to release some of the equaity in the house to allow us to repair it and get it to a reasonable standard.

Please just give your dh a kick up the arse to ask!!!

Yes, you are right, it needs to come from him, but - think we will be waiting a long time. He doesn't want to do it over the phone, he won't write a letter and we have no cash to put petrol in to go and visit. He has other things on his mind at the minute to be fair - health issues he is concerned about and they are taking up his every spare minute until he gets the all clear.

Can't they visit you?

This is important.

It sounds like he's chosen the option which allows Hinton reasonably delay matters.

He could send an email then follow up with a call. Or suggest they visit.

Would love to think he would do that Iggly, but I think he is quite submissive in respect to his family. We talked about it briefly last night, but he is so negative about it all and basically he won't ask for anything from them. They have helped us out financially in the past, which was a godsend but in recent years it seems that they have distanced themselves somewhat from our situation. They have visited the house recently and can't have failed to see what it is like but nothing ever gets said. They are fully aware of our situation financially and of how we live - our 3.5 year old is still in the same room as us, as until last Sept there was nowhere else for him to go. I can move the older two in together now and give him his own room, but haven't got the money for a bed or wallpaper etc. It just all feels so hopeless, though we are both fully aware that there are so many more people living far worse than us and we try to count our blessings, just now and again it gets you down. I would not invite anyone to my house at the moment, and I know it really shouldn't matter but we all know it does - everyone makes judgements even if they don't mean to. Think it will still be like this in years to come.

If you cash in to do the house up then u will be paying a morgage and as you cant afford to put petrol in the car im not sure this is a good decision

Rather than remortgaging, something DH was considering was releasing some of the equaity, not ideal but better than living like this.

How are you going to release equity without remortgaging?

Regarding furniture - have a look on freecycle or gumtree - you would be amazed what you can find. sometimes people are also getting rid of paint/wallpaper that they have no use for

DH really needs to speak to his sibling

Yes you cant release equity without borrowing against it.

Honestly, get your DH to speak to them. I want to be rude and say just do it FFS!

At the moment you are living in a risky situation. You need to find out what was done about there being no will.