More of a wwyd regarding kids and seeing deceased relative

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

my dh grandmother, kids great grandmother passed away over the weekend. Dh and I are going to see her later this week, dh wants to take kids to say goodbye but I think the are too young at 5 and 7 years old. They have been ok about everything, a few tears initially but ok since. I just think that they are way too young to see something like this, and however good a job they have done with the makeup, I think it will distress them and perhaps disturb them. Wwyd in this situation or what have you done if you have been in a similar situation? I didn't see my grandparents bodies and I was grown up when they died, I was asked but didn't want to.

I was 14 when I saw my deceased Nan in the funeral parlour. It was VERY traumatic for me. I wouldn't take my 5 year old DD at all.

This way madness lies.

Funeral is fine. Viewing days-old deceased is quite another.

No. Absolutly not. Will probably give them nightmares!

Sorry to hear she has died
Depends on your children and what they want to do
I saw my granddad after he died when I was 13, I am very glad I did, he was still at home lying on the spare bed as they lived so far from the funeral directors and the church was next door to grandparents house.
My kids aged 3 and 6 did not see my grandmother when she died but did go to the funeral.
Talk to them, explain what happens and judge their reactions

no no no. Too traumatic. I was sixteen when I saw my grandmother, even I found it hard to deal with.

sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

I saw my brother when I was 15. Not good. Trust me. The image will be with then forever.

I think since it's so unusual to see dead bodies in our culture then it will be traumatic. I wouldn't take my kids.

No. Just no.

My dad as an adult was so traumatised by viewing my granddads body that he made us promise never to 'put him on show' when he dies.

No, they are better to remember her alive and how she was than in a coffin.

I lived with my granddad and he died ,he was my father figure in my life, he died when I was 16 as well,I regret seeing him it was to traumatic for me even then.

Im sorry for your loss as well.

I asked the undertaker and she agreed that my dd aged 6 would be fine to see my mum. I will add that dd1 really wanted to see my mum and say good bye and the morning she had died dd1 was beside herself as I wouldn't let her into the ward at hospital to see my mum then.

I don't know that age is the outright factor as to whether you should see the dead body your relative lived in after they have died, but possibly take into account whether your dc want to say goodbye and if you think done in a sensitive way whether it will help your family morn the passing of this loved one.

i have spoken at length about this with my own dd1 as she is now 19, she has no regrets and was glad I supported her in saying goodbye

I am still traumatised from seeing my Mother and I was 39 when she died. I would not risk that sort of thing with a child who is less able to understand.

Maybe ask them what they want to do? I saw my Grandads body when I was about 9 - felt sad about it but it never traumatised me. I was with my gran when she died and she stayed in our house til the funeral, it was good to be able to say goodbye properly to her. As long as you don't force them to do anything they don't want to then I don't see the problem.

I was 14 when I seen my grandfather and I was extremely traumatised...way too young IMO.

Also 2 years ago my nephew passed away aged 11, gave my children the choice to see him aged 14 and 16 at the time, my son 14 had nightmares...I wish i never gave them the choice.

No not something i would even contemplate. I have never seen any of my relatives after they passed as i wouldn't want the image in my head.
I should imagine that it would stay with you forever, So couldn't possibly put a child in that situation

Much better to have memories when they were alive and well.

Another no from me.

When my grandfather died I was determined I didn't want to see his body. Unfortunately no one told my Mum's cousin who ushered me into the room at the funeral parlour before I realised that the coffin was open.

I was 25 at the time & it stayed with me for a long time. I hadn't been able to say goodbye as I had been travelling, but even so, I would have preferred my last memory of him to have been different.

I would certainly not let a child have to deal with that.

I really dont think a 5 and 7yo are even old enough to know their own minds to make this sort of decision. It is far too young, and children that age do not need to see a corpse. Let them remember their last memory of their great gran be of her alive, not dead in a coffin.

I think this must be cultural thing - I saw both grandparents laid out when I was aged 4 and about 12 (French catholic) This was at their home. We all sang songs round their bedsides! Not traumatic at all. But (sorry for too much detail) they had been embalmed, so physically looked very peaceful. Seeing my other (English) granny in the mortuary was more traumatic. So it all depends on the context.

definatley not! the last image they will have of herwill be of her in the coffin, no matter how peaceful she may look she won't look like granny. Please talk to him about this (and so sorry by the way)

I saw my gran in an open casket aged 10 and i am glad i had the chance to say goodbye. It was more awkward for the adults in my opinion. Ask your children if they want to. My cousin was a year younger than me and his parents didn't allow him to see my gran and he now wishes he did. It really depends on the child i think.

I saw my grandma before the funeral at age 7, I still remember it, it looked like she was asleep. I wasn't remotely traumatised, it felt nice to say gooodbye and give her a kiss... I saw my grandad 30 mins after he'd died (at 90, I was 29) and it was upsetting because he looked dead.

No.

They may remember her that way.

imo, they're too young

No. Going to the funeral will be fine but seeing the body would upset them. My brother died a few years ago. I went to see the body and say goodbye. I wanted to do this but I found it distressing and I'm an adult.