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Original poster

Man took photos of our kids and put them on facebook...

36 replies

Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:04

There's a guy in our town who busks and if I'm totally honest we had assumed he was homeless (I know, unfair assumption - just the way he dressed and doesn't take care of his appearance/shave or anything). DS (3yo) often gives him some of his pocket money and he always smiles at us.

Anyhow, we've had some hot weather recently and a friend and I took our kids to play in the fountains in the town centre. The guy was busking whilst we were there and I didn't really think anything of it.

After we had been there an hour or so we decided it was time to leave. As we were going the guy called me over and asked me to remember his name. He then told me to add him on facebook as he had taken photos of the kids and I might want to tag myself in them so that our friends and family could see.

I was a little bit surprised and didn't really know what to do so I just said 'thank you' and walked away. I think from my body language he could tell I was uncomfortable though.

So anyway, I set up a limited profile that I would allow him to see. He accepted the request and then posted this on his wall:

''I'm still trying to get my head round people who join a social networking site, like Facebook, and then mark their site as "strictly private"... and then surf everyone else's "open to everyone" site... if your site's marked as private, maybe you shouldn't be able to access "open" sites?... why join Facebook anyway? When you click on the links, to find a completely blank white pages, with one line saying that this person 's site is strictly private, pisses me off....''

I also noticed his profile has pretty much no privacy settings and DH was able to access all the pictures of our kids without making friends with him or anything. He's just posted them publicly with download links.

They aren't dodgy pictures or anything, but it isn't normal to take photos of other peoples children and post them online without permission is it?

DH wants me to ask him to delete them, but I'm scared of being confrontational. We walk past him pretty much everyday (at least four days a week) and if I'm honest I'm a little bit scared Blush

I don't deal with confrontation well, and I've had dreams about this guy attacking us in the past (don't judge me I have PTSD!) He's probably a really nice guy but he makes me nervous.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 08/05/2011 09:05

I would contact facebook and ask them to take them off, explaining what you have said here.

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:08

But if they do take them off, he'll know that I did it and I'm scared he'll be angry with me. Blush

I know that's pathetic, but it seems like it might be better to ask him nicely to take them off first, but I'm scared to do even that. Just wish he hadn't been there at all.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 08/05/2011 09:09

Your kids are more important.

Do not be scared of him.

Ignore him in future.

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:11

I know my kids are important. That's why I'm scared of him. I don't really know what I think he'll do, but he is always very friendly with DS and I'm scared if he started shouting at me or something DS would be really scared (he's a sensitive one)

OP posts:
schmee · 08/05/2011 09:11

I think that's really odd. Can your DH ask him to take them down? Am I completely over the top in suggesting that you mention this to the police in some way??? Other posters may well say I am. I guess what he's done isn't really criminal (very rusty on my photography rights law) but if he someone who is known to the police in any way then they might want to know. Or they might be able to put your mind at rest.

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:14

Yeah. I did think of that first, but I wasn't sure if it was an over reaction. I don't want him to be cautioned or anything, just felt like maybe it should be on file somewhere in case he does start harrassing us or claims that I invited interest etc... I wanted it known from the start that I didn't want to be friends. The only reason I added him on a limited profile was because I wanted to be able to see the photos he'd taken (didn't feel right about someone having photos of my kids that I hadn't seen).

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:15

I'm seeing my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) on monday. DH says I should tell her about it and see if she thinks I'm over reacting. At least then social services would have a record of it if anything did happen.

OP posts:
TyIsAnob · 08/05/2011 09:17

I find his behaviour very strange, surely if he had wanted to give you the picture's he would of just emailed them to you.
Cant you just walk a different way for a while after getting him to take the picture's off?

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 09:22

Not really. He moves around, so I don't always know where he'll be, but he's often outside the library (which is our intended destination).

DS has ASD and we go there a lot because he is obsessed with books. He loves reading and as we are homeschooling I don't want to say no to that.

We could avoid walking right past him if we are going somewhere other than the library, but we would be in sight of him. I can't drive at the minute (had a seizure in february) and so we have to get all our groceries in town, which is small and means we inevitably bump into him.

I could try getting DH to go to tesco after work for me though.

OP posts:
schmee · 08/05/2011 09:23

The CPN sounds like a good idea. I definitely think this guy is trying to start engaging in some sort of relationship with you so I absolutely think you need to steer clear of him.

Fredfred · 08/05/2011 09:24

I have a feeling that there might be some kind of law/rule about photographing children without permission and making the photos public. At the toddler group I take DD to I have had to sign a form giving them permission to take photos to use for publicity. At her pre-school I have had to do the same as some of the photos are being used in some kind of project one of the staff is working on. I used to work in a school and all the parents there had to sign something giving permission for photos to be used in advertising. I also remember watching on TV when they said that when they are doing a news article about children they aren't allowed to film their faces without express permission from their parents which is why you sometimes get shots of children's legs in playgrounds on the news iyswim!

This all sounds very odd to me and I would be more than uncomfortable if it had happened to me. I think I might mention it to the police so that they have it on file and also send him a friendly message saying something along the lines of you would like your children to decide for themselves when they are older whether they want their pictures on the internet which is why your profile is private and you would therefore be grateful if he would take them down. Maybe you could soften the blow by making some comment about what lovely pictures they are or something.

TyIsAnob · 08/05/2011 09:28

I really feel for you, you cant not go out. You must try and carry on as normal, maybe just get your dh to sort it, or this man will just keep taking photo's.

ImeldaM · 08/05/2011 09:29

You could 'chat' with him & in a lighthearted way ask if he minds deleting photos, blame DH & say that DH is OTT with internet security & doesn't like pics of kids on the net (he's not, just to keep 'blame' away from you) and see how he takes it.

messybessie · 08/05/2011 09:29

A friend of mine (has MH issues) has been banned from Facebook. I think he posted a few too many inappropriate comments.

He never knew who reported him. He just had his account cancelled. I would report him to Facebook, explain situation and also report any other photos on their of children whose parents might not be aware.

Ciske · 08/05/2011 09:30

Surely step one should be politely asking him to take the pictures down, explaining your feelings about it? If he then doesn't comply, you can still contact facebook/police. It seems a bit unfair to take these draconian measures if 1) he isn't even aware of your feelings and 2) has not been given a chance to resolve this amicably with you.

Also, it doesn't have to be a confrontational request. Just say 'thanks for showing me the pictures of DS, I've downloaded them for my own use. Do you mind taking them down or setting them to private as I feel a little uncomfortable having them available in public for all to see? Thanks! Speak to you soon!'

fearnelinen · 08/05/2011 09:31

Hmmmm very odd. Are the photos lovely arty shots, or kind of amatuer family-type pics?

Obviously your DH is right about speaking to your CPN but in the meantime I think I would approach him all friendly like and lie embellish a story about fb trouble and that you are all coming off and that it's really important to get the photos of the kiddies off.

You can block him so it looks like you've come off and then you have a reason to tell him why fb are taking his piccies down. Make it all not about him. Tell him you love the pics and have printed them and thanks and all that, but that you can't have pictures of you on t'internet. Tell him fb are taking your friends pics that include you down as well.

I know it's a faff and one shouldn't lie, but I totally get why you'd be nervous about confronting him. You clearly are intimidated by him, rightly or wrongly. I would also avoid him afterwards. Try not to worry, it's probably nothing and your CPN will be able to shed a bit more light on his unorthodox behaviour.

Fredfred · 08/05/2011 09:34

Yes, I agree with Ty.

You could get DH to contact him to say that he is not happy about his DC being the subject of photos on the internet. If the man confronted you, you could then blame your DH and say that you are really sorry but DH hit the roof when he saw the pictures and you could do nothing about it!!

noddyholder · 08/05/2011 09:36

I think it's a bit odd that he has posted that status condemning people who don,t make their pages public. Maybe he has had trouble before. I would just mail him and say you hadn't really thought about it before but aren't keen on your kids being online it's no big deal he is a busier not a friend.

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 12:12

He is definitely trying to instigate a relationship. He emailed asking why I hadn't confirmed that I had seen the pictures, so I apologised and said I hadnt been home, then he asked if I'd been out drinking and where I was.

I ignored that message, but obviously DH isn't too happy.

It's so hard when you have a history of MH to decide whether to take something seriously or whether you are just being paranoid.

OP posts:
schmee · 08/05/2011 15:49

He is hassling you or at least trying somehow to make a friendship in a really inapropriate way. Seriously I think your DH needs to ask him to take the photos down. But you mustn't get embroiled in any conversations/debate with him whether negative or positive. If you see him just nod (if you have to) and walk on, I think.

Original poster
Gracie123 · 08/05/2011 19:28

That's pretty much what I do anyway. When he started asking me to add him on facebook I was really uncomfortable, but didn't want DS to pick up on it, so I just tried to be brief and pretended we were in a hurry to get home.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, but that is the only time I've ever spoken to him despite him trying to engage DS for the lat 8 months! I don't want to be rude because I'm a bit scared of him, but also don't want to encourage him.

Wish we still lived in the lake district where everyone was eccentric but harmless Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracie123 · 09/05/2011 22:38

Just to update:

I spoke to my CPN about it (nurse from the community mental health team) and showed her the messages he sent me on facebook. She said it was completely inappropriate. She's taken details and told me to block him and just avoid him in town. She says she'll report it to some of her colleagues and make sure the correct people to deal with it are informed.

Thanks for advice ladies. I feel much better knowing I've told someone, but did feel like police etc... was probably a bit of an over reaction.

OP posts:
schmee · 10/05/2011 06:59

I'm so glad you were able to talk to her and that she is helping with this. That sounds like a really good solution and you can breathe a bit easier.

Bucharest · 10/05/2011 07:10

How odd.
He does sound as if he may have MH issues.

Hopefully something can be done to have the photos removed, but as we know from the gazillions of threads about photos and FB the owner of the photo (ie the bloke) and not the person in the photo (ie you) has legal right of ownership.

It does sound like he perhaps has a thing for you.....steer well clear I'd say.

supergreenuk · 10/05/2011 07:19

Sounds odd but if he had something to hide wouldn't he have kept It a secret. He probably fancies himself as a bit of a photographer and just wants to show his pictures off. If you want them removed just have a chat with him. Say they are really nice pictures. Thank him and then say 'now I've seen them is there any chance they can be memoved now please'.
I wouldn't tell the police as it seems harmless and we are a paranoid society that thinks everyones intentions are bad these days when in reality it is the minority.