work/childcare problem

[desertingmum]

I've been asked to go to an external meeting next week for work. I won't be home till about 8pm.

As bad luck would have it, DH is planning to go out for a drink that night straight after work, so not coming home. The last time he'd planned to do this he cancelled because I needed to work. This by way of background and NOT in any way (I don't think) representative of a regular occurence.

This being the case, I did not ask him to cancel his night out (I didn't ask last time, to be clear, he offered) and instead looked at other options. I found a babysitter who we've used before who was willing to do afterschool club pick up, bring home (5 mins walk), sort out 1DC and put to bed. DC is 6.
DH is, in his words, "livid" with my proposal.
Am I really that out there? I'm not saying it's the best solution for a small child, but is it totally out of order?
I have to say I'm a bit taken aback, and also concerned as I'd always had this option in the back of my mind as reasonable if we were both going to be home late, we've just never needed it until now.
I'm not delighted with the extra cost incurred by work, but it is a one off and it is something I think is important.

I'm feeling a bit stuck, as although I'm saying WWYD, I don't know what I CAN do. How do I cancel it at work - no, babysitter not a problem, husband is, or do I let him cancel his night out and then get all the crap for having "forced" him to do so...

OK, 2 questions:

1. is it really not on for my arrangement to work? If yes, ignore 2 (but tell me at what age this may be acceptable!)
2. how do I calmly explain this tonight when he comes in all guns blazing?

I'm posting this at the wrong time, I know, just noticed the time, but all answers and opinions appreciated and I'll bump later if necessary!

Malinkey, I suspect that could be the case. Sigh.

Oo, how very dare you? Have you talked to him yet?

Livid just seems like such an overreaction about something so trivial.

Isn't it supposed to be give and take in a relationship? So long since I've had one of those I'm struggling to remember. It isn't as if you have arranged the meeting, is it? Frankly if I had a dh I'd expect him to rearrange or put up and shut up with regard to the alternative childcare arrangement.

No - he is being stupid and selfish. Work and children come before nights out. Always. You have offered a compromise. If he isn't happy then he should suck it up.

I have had to cancel nights out before because DH has to travel for work and vice versa. To me it is more important that DH (and I for that matter) are seen to be making an effort for work - particularly these days.

Just noticed this is from yesterday. I am most interested to hear what he had to say

OK update - or rather not. Trains were up the spout last night so he didn't get home until 9.45. He didn't raise the issue but to be fair he just wanted food and wine at that point after a pretty awful journey. I didn't think it was up to me to raise so am staying schtum.

He did make a snide comment this morning as I was leaving for work about me possibly having a drink with my workmates tonight. I ignored him. I do not want to stop him going out! It's infrequent enough and I know how important it is to do these social things, I don't have a problem with it - and don't need to have a problem with it as I can sort something else out. if it was every week, then yes, fair enough, but this is, as I said, the second time in 5 years that this has come up.

As far as I am concerned it's all sorted. The huge irony is that there is a possbility that the meeting may be cancelled as someone is off sick. I am certainly saying nothing about that just yet!

Has a babysitter ever put ds to bed? Just wondering as we have some regular babysitters for ds but realised recently one had never put him to bed (he's 2) when we came back to find him still running around at 10.30! Apparently he didn't want to go to bed...

Might be what your bloke is worried about?

YANBU. This happens to dh and I quite a bit and as we can't afford a babysitter then whoever was meant to be doing something that can be rearranged (ie not work) has to stay at home.

It's the realities of working and in your situation I would expect dh to offer to stay at home if he wasn't happy about the babysitter.

A bit more of an update - tried to do this from my phone yesterday but it got lost somewhere!

He's not said a thing! I don't know now whether he realises he's overreacted, or whether hes cancelled his night out and is planning to act the martyr. We're home all weekend so I am sure it will come up: Friday evenings after work are never really a good time to talk as we're both shattered.

However, in the meantime the whole flipping situation has resolved itself as I am going nowhere on Wednesday! But I cannot have this hanging over me and not knowing that I have this option available for whatever reason, so I will force the conversation at some point.

Oh, and this particular babysitter has put him to bed before, although admittedly at a friend's house. Babysitters in general have put him to bed and, as I say, it's always been up to me to sort it out and the details have never bothered DH before. It's so infuriating!

You need to sort it out even if no longer relevant for now. As a single parent I'm used to having to juggle but I'd be very cross if I has a dh who reacted like yours.