Realised I know another MNetter in RL - should I tell her?

[ShouldITellHer]

This afternoon I have stumbled accross the posts of another mumsnetter that sounded familiar. I clicked on the poster's profile and from the limited information and photos I can tell it's someone I know in RL.

Should I tell her??

I'm not going to go stalking her on here or anything, but one thing I like about MN is the anonymity. I can't decide whether if someone I knew in RL worked out my MN name I would want them to tell me so that I had the option to namechange and regain my anonymity or whether I'd rather they just never let on.

What do you think?

I would send a PM outing yourself too. Then you can both namechange if you want.

If it were me I would really appreciate a pm telling me.

I've done this and yes, I have told.

if you do it, you have to out yourself too

otherwise just make a pact with yourself that you won't ever, ever advanced search her

I think I would want to know (and yes, I'd need to know who you were too, really). I'd almost certainly change my user name and would be grateful to you for telling me. I hate the idea of people in RL recognising me here. Happened once; she catted me. I didn't actually change my nickname but I barely knew her.

If it's me, send me a message - there's been nothing new in my inbox for ages!

Why do I have to out myself too? I can see the equality in that but doesn't it just mean that both of us have lost our anonymity?

I don't want to namechange if I can avoid it because I like the fact that my MN friends 'know' me. I have been very careful to try at least not to post so much detail about myself that someone can recognise me in RL. Maybe that fact she has posted photos on her public profile suggests she doesn't mind people recognising her (after all it's not something you'd do if you wanted to stay anon is it?).

I want to do the right thing by her, but I don't want to give up my MN persona unnecessarily just because she doen't mind not being anonymous, if you see what I mean?

I have no objections too telling her in RL by text so that she can change her MN name if she wants. I'd just rather not give her my username.

Jux - it's not you!

It wouldn't bother me - I don't do the whole anonymity thing here really anyway. So, I wiuld recommend letting them know.

the chances were about 1,000,000 to 1 against

No!!! Suspension of disbelief is necessary to post on here.

If you tell her you'll ruin it for her. Anyone who actually posts KNOWS the whole world can see it.

I've been told twice now and it's awful - I can hardly write anything on here now.

I would seriously rather not know. Keep it to yourself!

Don't see why you have to out yourself tbh. If she namechanges and decides to become more anonymous then what's the problem. Do tell her though.

Oh yeah - and neither of the people told me THEIR names.

Great. Thanks for that.

If she has posted pictures of herself etc on her profile, then i presume she is happy for folk to know who she is? So no problem in telling her surely.

Send her a PM under this 'ShouldITellHer' name. So then she knows that someone knows her and can choose to namechange if she wants.

It would be nice to tell her your real name, so she knows that you are a safe non-stalky person. She will only know that (e.g.) Rachel is on MN, not that Rachel is this specific mumsnetter.

Is it me? I think I was outed the other day IRL - I said something that I'd posted about & I got a really funny look like the penny suddenly dropped

if you do tell her, do it gently

my friend phoned me up the other day and just said without any preamble "oi, are you Spring Heeled Jack?"

nearly dropped phone in terror trying to work out what I'd posted

Do as Trill said - PM her under this name, tell her your RL name and then it's up to her whether she changes her NN or not. You don't have to give her your MN name as well.

TBH I think anyone who's sensible will assume that there COULD be people from RL on here and post accordingly. I change small details that do not change the actual situation (locations, gender etc) in an attempt to stay a bit annonomous, BUT STILL don't post anything that I would be very about if recognised. I don't think I would NEED anyone from RL to tell me if they recognised me because I hope that none of my posts would upset anyone I care about.

If she has photos then she's an open person internet wise and if you are not then nothing to be gained from you pming her IMO

I would want to know if it was me. That kind of thing worries me.

TSC - yes, I would think that you would be very easy to spot if someone knew you in RL and used MN - you have a certain 'style' but as long as you are you it doesn't really matter too much does it - I can't see you being the type to care who knows about your bumsex antics :)

Depends what she posts about. If it's general cheerful stuff that she would tell you about, fine. I would just pm{smile].

If it's to vent about other people, or if she posts on relationship threads of a sensitive nature (I'm thinking of divorce etc); or MC threads; or (hopefully not)the thread for people whose children have passed away, then no.

Without wanting to be pessimistic, though, if any of those things did happen to her in the future, you might be cutting off an important avenue of support if she feels she might be known by somebody in RL, even if she name changed. Just a thought.

Btw, no offence intended to people who have suffered an MC; just occurred to me that it might come across by my wording that this is less of a big deal than a child passing away, I realise that might not be the case.