I was child free by choice but now I have a child. AMA

[random91]

Basically the title. I was very firmly child free by choice and then I had my son when I was 35 years old.

If your child free by choice, why didn't you use proper contraception?

Poor management is actively trying unless you are stupid and don’t understand basic biology. It’s 2026 not 1926.

was meant to be 🤗

It is hard to know what you’d do until you’re in that position.

Assuming you were vocal about being childfree, did you ever feel embarrassed about "going back on your word" so to speak?

Do you acknowledge this makes it harder for everyone who genuinely is childfree by choice? This is exactly why people say "you'll change your mind" because most people are flakes. Did you not know your own mind before?

How are you defining maternal urge though? Hormones making you want kids doesn't equal being maternal or a good mother.

Probably too busy with child . Lol

Are you happy now with your child and has it changed your perspective?

I was child free by choice until 36 then had a child...surely unless you have trouble conceiving then most people are child free by choice untilt hey have a child??

Well, no, not unless they are perfectly clear that they do not want a child, and are planning to remain childfree in perpetuity, and would terminate an unplanned pregnancy. What you are describing is ‘has not had a child yet’.

So that’s the same as OP then, who didn’t terminate her ‘unwanted’ pregnancy. She was still child free by choice until she had a kid. Like most of us

@ToKittyornottoKitty childfree by choice means doesn't want children. Presumably you always wanted children at some point if you're even talking about the possibility of conceiving. Anyone genuinely childfree would make sure it didn't happen.

Not sure why you’ve tagged me in that comment. OP obviously didn’t make sure it didn’t happen, and then chose to keep the baby. Can’t tell if you are trying to agree with me or disagree with me.

@ToKittyornottoKitty yeah sorry I thought you were the first poster who said they were childfree by choice until 36 posting again-sorry! I still don't agree most people are childfree by choice until they have kids though-that's not what it means.

It’s just a saying though, it can mean more than one thing. Some people are childcare by choice for their whole lives and that won’t change, others like OP and many many others are childfree by choice until they choose to have kids. Both are correct

Surely childfree by choice means I chose not to have a child at that point in my life. So I was childfree, by choice.
Then I decided I did want a child, so I chose to have a child and had one and then I was not childfree

Just googled the term "childfree". I always thought it was a positive way to describe someone not having a child on purpose.
But some Google results agree with @Firefly1987that it means never wanting children. So apologies I was using it in the way I understood it to meant.

Don’t be silly. Even long lasting contraception has a failure rate. The contraceptive injection has a 0.2% failure rate with perfect use.
It’s 0.3% for the pill, and that’s also with perfect use.
Obviously those are small odds, but for the women who do get pregnant, it’s not because they’re all idiots who can’t manage birth control.

Just googled the term "childfree". I always thought it was a positive way to describe someone not having a child on purpose.

Yes it's supposed to mean that but you just wouldn't be planning children at all. It seems you are not alone in your original thinking though-I hadn't realised others viewed the term differently!

An AMA usually requires the OP to actually answer some questions