I was child free by choice but now I have a child. AMA

[random91]

Basically the title. I was very firmly child free by choice and then I had my son when I was 35 years old.

Are you planning on coming back to the thread @random91 or we wasting our time?

I wouldn’t agree it’s common for people that are strongly against having children ever to then go on to have children, I would agree it’s common for younger people to not want a baby and then change their mind when they’re older but like I said they’re two different scenarios

She may have just lied about it being a surprise pregnancy. I never wanted kids but then got massive hormonal induced desire to have a kid in my late 30s. So got pg. I put the news out it was a surprise to avoid all the tedious conversations about ‘ I knew you’d change your mind!’

Yeah i think for many people saying it was a surprise can be a way of them protecting their old identity - the one that was seen as carefree and footloose. If its a "surprise" you can pretend to hold onto that, like "heres another random thing that happened to me, so i just rolled with it!!" rather than "I changed. I decided this was something I want".

I think it’s not uncommon. It’s not uncommon for women’s bodies to give them overwhelming urges to have a baby when they reach their later 30s. All those ‘child free by choice’ women. It’s not really a choice. It’s a lack of maternal urge. I doubt anyone is suppressing a strong desire to have children as they have decided to prioritize nights going to the cinema and pub instead. They are just glad they don’t have a maternal urge as they like going to the cinema and pub.

So if you don’t have children as you don’t have a maternal urge, you are fairly likely to decide to have children if you do get a biologically induced maternal urge.

They are the same scenario here. At 35 she got pregnant and decided she did want a baby after all. Changing your mind about having a baby when your biological clock starts ticking is very common. Hence why ‘surprise’ pregnancies become more common

I can see the logic in that and why someone would do that but I don’t think that’s what OP has done (I could be wrong though) because if she did what would be the point of this AMA? Her answer would be I didn’t want children then changed my mind… it doesn’t make for an interesting thread

It's been almost 3 hours and OP has made one additional post.
Poor form.

I was responding to someone saying their friend had a surprise pg at 42.

Yes, I said that

Why start an AMA then not answer any questions?? It's bizarre

I had always planned not to have children, and was perfectly content with my decision. However, DH and I decided to do it anyway, when I was just turning 40. DS is now 14, and fabulous. It was less a matter of changing our minds than thinking that, handled well, it might be a matter of doing something interesting that wouldnt have to involve the reasons we hadn't wanted children.

You did change your minds… odd to suggest you didn’t. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind

🤣🤣🤣

No, I didn't. I think you need to allow me the best insight into my own thought processes.

But you didn’t want kids… and then decided to have a kid right? Or have I misunderstood that?

Most people are child free by choice until they have a child 😂😂 this is nuts

Because the OP has been hounded with sarcastic replies. I wouldn’t respond to such a battering either!

It’s pretty obvious that childfree by choice means a decision to live life without having children. Then OP had a child and has invited questions for the curious.

OP - what did your partner do when you found out you were pregnant? Were you on contraception?

I disagree. Child free by choice is a common phrase that means you don’t ever intend to have children.

I always wanted them but didn’t meet the right person until late 30’s then it took ages to fall pregnant. I definitely wasn’t childfree by choice before that!

I too was child free by choice until I had a child......

I was child free by choice until I decided to have children too?

Why do OPs always think they're special in these AMA posts?

The poster said most, not all. And OP decided to have a child in the end.

Why did you choose to continue with the pregnancy? I’m childfree by choice, too, and I definitely wouldn’t have continued.

Of course poor management isn't actively trying! It great you're perfect and live your life without fault but other people are human.