I grew up with with 9 siblings. AMA

[joyfulexistance84]

I grew up with 9 siblings and now I have my own family.

And I feel like so many people have so many questions in my personal life when they find out I have 9 siblings. So I'm sure some people on mumsnet might have questions too!

I'm not the oldest and I wouldn't say I was parentified however I did feel like sometimes I had to make sure my younger siblings weren't causing chaos. Because I knew my mum was busy. However, I know my older siblings do feel like they were parentified

Are your parents religious?

I’m wondering if it’s a generation/timing thing. I just don’t think you can realistically afford to have 10 kids now and have one person at home not working, with mortgages and food and COL as they are, even on benefits. Perhaps in the 70s/80s it was more doable.

I do think it's possible for parents of 5 kids to successfully raise 5 children without any of the kids feeling parentified or without any of the kids feeling like they never got to spend time with their mum and dad. I also think it is possible for parents of 5 kids to know their kids personalities, hobbies, mental health situations, etc. When parents have more than 5 kids, I seriously wonder if they truly know their children's personalities properly. Cause my parents claimed they knew our personalities and they claim they knew what was going on in our life, but they didn't. Then again, this is just my opinion, obviously this isn't a fact, this is my opinion.

However, I have 2 kids and I feel like I could only mentally handle raising 2 human being.

Very unnecessarily judgemental of you. I’m glad that, that has never occurred to you about having an only child. I know quite a few mums and dads who have one child whether through choice or personal circumstances who have often wondered. Sadly like I originally said the only thing my children don’t like about being part of a larger family is the judgemental comments similar to yours that they’ve received and that’s very sad indeed. If we couldn’t afford the children we have, didn’t have a big enough home or if I couldn’t cope with them myself then yes it would have been irresponsible to have more but that is definitely not the case. Happens my ex husband is the eldest of 7 and they are all very close despite living all over the uk. So it can be very lovely for many from larger sized families.

I worry a lot about having an only child and her being lonely, especially when it comes to our old age. I agree it's normal for all parents to worry about the pros and cons of the family set up for their dc. Parents who assume their set up is perfect for all of their children all of the time are the ones I would judge.

That’s a shame some of the siblings have chosen not to stay in contact. Are they in contact with any of the other siblings?

Can I ask why you are low contact with your parents? Interesting thread

This is a very interesting thread.
It’s telling how everyone who was from a big family didn’t like it. Now they are adults they can speak the truth.
I always assumed that it would be like the Waltons or something with everyone thinking it’s great but that’s really not the case.
Coincidentally I was speaking to an old school friend. She was the youngest of 5. She mentioned that her brothers were not close, despite living within walking distance of each other. The only ones close are her and her sister.
She is childfree by choice and the others only have 1 child.

Did your parents come from big families themselves?

Were your grandparents active in your lives?

Dud you eat meals in shifts at the table? What was your favourite meal growing up?

Were there any tv shows you sat and watched altogether?

Do you have similar names like all the sme letter or style e.g. traditional or unusual?

Are you birthdays scattered throughout the year or some close together?

Do you look alike?

Is there anything you thought was normal being from a big family that was actual different to most families once you got old enough to realise?

As for being an only child, it’s others perception which is negative.
I’m an only child. The only time I ever wished I had a sibling was when I was 16 and thought how nice it would be to have a baby sister.
I have lots of friends. Many of them are only children too. Without exception all the us are happy and successful with fulfilled lives. Many are single and enjoying life. Some are in a relationship. None of us have large families.