First cohort of adults diagnosed with ADHD and growing old. AMA

[Imdunfer]

I'm in the first cohort of adults diagnosed with ADHD and growing old with it. It has definite challenges related to aging that I'm dealing with daily. Ask me anything as long as you don't suggest that you think ADHD doesn't exist and that it's just a variety of neuro typical.

Do you think your fragility about ADHD not existing is due to the ADHD?

Gosh can relate to the anger. Off the charts for me. I think your experience & life stage is hugely of interest for any of us travelling on that path.

I probably phrased that wrong. When I say label I mean the name that is used to describe the condition. It’s changed over time.

I nearly didn't start this thread because the future is a huge black cloud on the horizon.

I am retired and luckily have been for quite a few years. My current life is a constant round of dealing with medical appointments for either myself or my husband. When I have to fill my own time, it is like doing a job. Because people with ADHD lack the dopamine reward circuit, it very often feels like hard work with little or no reward.

We have, luckily, plenty of money but I am running out of sufficiently "new" places to go on holiday. It's just not "enough" to go to a new city if all I'm going to see when I get there is patterns of every other city I've been to.

The drive for novelty is one of the most difficult things about being alive for so long with ADHD.

I'm sorry if that sounds depressing, I'm afraid it is.

I hope so. If you can take it I did find tyrosine good at capping anger, but it's a trigger for RA so I've had to drop it.

What’s your reasoning for not going on medication? I’ve been on stimulant meds for three years now and it’s been life changing. I do wonder about being on it long term though. I’m only late thirties and not sure I want to be medicated, or if it’s even safe, until I die

Do you think this is ADHD related, or a totally separate thing? I am under assessment currently. I recognise a lot of the symptoms you're explaining. I too am not maternal and did not see myself being a good parent. I am in my early forties now,and I am getting the 'now or never' feelings but I still think it is a never.

I haven't a clue what you think you're trying to say.

It's perfectly clear that ADHD will always have existed.

Some of the early descriptions of it are quite offensive so please don’t shoot the messenger- in the early 1900’s it was described as a “defect of moral control" alongside severe inattention and hyperactivity.

It was termed "hyperkinetic reaction of childhood" in 1968, before being renamed "Attention Deficit Disorder" (ADD) in 1980, with or without hyperactivity.

The latter half of the 1980’s is when the term ADHD was introduced.

I am pretty sure from my medical history that I've always been low on the oestrogen scales. I also had a psychologically abusive mother so I had no model for loving parenting. I also wanted a lifestyle for myself that I couldn't have if I had children.

But I definitely recognised that my anger levels were going to make it very likely that I wouldn't be a good mother at all.

So it was definitely a factor.

I have never regretted my choice, I was sterilised in my twenties.

Edited--I forgot to thank the OP for answering!

That's interesting.

I too had an abusive parent (Father) and that factored in to a lot of my development, I recognised that in my twenties. Definitely think it had something to do with it.

I am a lesbian, and have been told my testosterone levels are higher than they should be but not to a problematic level (unless facial hair counts, but that's just very annoying rather than a health issue).

My Father has very severe anger problems, and I think at some point I made both concious and subconscious vows to never be like that. My anger is non-existant almost, to the point I do not get angry when it would absolutely be the correct reaction! It is as if I prided myself on being non-reactive and now I cannot get it back. I never thought about whether that in itself might be ADHD related.

What year were you diagnosed? How old were you?

I hate things being out of my own control and prefer to self medicate if it works for me.

I currently have RA in complete remission using non prescription medication.

The prescription medications I would have been offered for ADHD were time limited and wore off before the day was over. They could (still can?) result in suppression and then an explosion.

I was concerned about taking drugs that might prove addictive.

I have myself pretty stable and functioning on non prescription stimulants and strategic withdrawal from society. You have to be retired or very much in control of your own time to do that though.

2021, I was 63

Our similarities are interesting. I'm heterosexual but quite masculine in my behaviour, especially my assertiveness.

My DH had a father with severe anger management issues and my DH has real difficulty showing anger. Well he can't, I do it for both of us 🤪. He's ND as well, but he's ASD, not ADHD. There could be a link, I don't know.

Well there could be, if someone gets a late diagnosis.

what advice would you give a NT typical parent of a child with lots of ADHD traits (but no diagnosis)?

Thank you for answering that. The benefit I’ve found from meds is minimal anxiety. It used to be crippling before I understood it was adhd related. And I’m much more neutral in my parenting, reactions etc - no more explosions. I honestly surprise myself even now, every time I react like a normal self regulated person!

I absolutely withdraw from society, everyone in my life knows this is essential for me. I do get highs and lows, especially if I’ve overdone it socialising - and my moods seem to be down for a week or so, then up for a week, then medium for a week and so forth, it’s very annoying.

what do you do when you need to recharge?

How old is your child? I have 2 children with adhd - one boy diagnosed at 5 who’s now at secondary school, and a girl who still isn’t formally diagnosed in her teens as she presents differently and gets on well at school. I might be able to help..

How do you navigate sexual relationships?

Get a diagnosis, know what you are dealing with.

"Labels" don't tend to be prejudicial to a child these days.

Try everything you can to fit the child for modern life. Teach them always to be early so they aren't ever late. Teach them the tricks we use to remember where we need to be and what we need to be doing. Get them doing a risky physiical sport so they don't do even more risky things.

I might think of some more tomorrow.

I married very young, 20. I think I recognised a need for stability in my life even then.

I have read that ADHD in females predisposes to risky sex and that really fits the risk taker profile, but it wasn't a lifestyle I chose.

Thank you. I was just interested and it seemed quicker than googling. Appreciate the answer.

I'm smiling at you surprising yourself. I know that feeling.

I'm lucky with being retired, I have been taking every afternoon from 2 until 5.30, roughly, "out" for about 6 years. I sit upstairs, read, do logic games, jigsaws, Mumsnet, browse news and science/health stuff and have a nap but I don't talk to anyone, have any noise going, or do anything that riles me up.

On the days I can't do that I'm in bed by 8pm doing the same thing then instead.

There's a theory that part of the apparent increase in ADHD is related to modern lifestyles - always being switched on and 'connected', social media, tech, etc.

I notice that you said you seek "downtime" every afternoon where you don't communicate. Do you think that the modern lifestyle element contributes to your ADHD, or perhaps transforms it from something manageable into something incompatible with society as it were?

Do you think if you lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere in 1860 that your ADHD would still be a 'problem'?