I was a teenage mum, DD has just turned 18 and life is very different now

[BlackBean2023]

I had DD a month after my 19th birthday. She’s just turned 18. When she was born we were reliant on state benefits.

I’m now in a senior management position earning six figures. Life is comfortable and happy.

NOT a boast post - it’s not all been a bed of roses - but it’s not a typical journey and I know people IRL who are nosy about my life now compared to my life then; this is under the cover on relative anonymity

That’s amazing to hear 👏

There must have been some really tough patches. You’re an achiever.

Do you think you would have been so ambitious if it wasn't for having your child and your initial circumstances?

Do you think enough is done to encourage other young mums to achieve and change the perception that they've written themselves off?

I’ve asked myself that before! There is an element of ‘proving people wrong’ in my journey. If I don’t have DD when I did I probably would have gone into nursing though so my career path would have been v different.

No, I don’t. I would like to do more around this myself but have to work through some of my own baggage and resentment with the system before I can coach others!

Well done - you are a great role model for your DD and others.

Did you have any role models who you aspired to ?

That's fantastic.

How old was your daughter when you went into work / moved up the ranks?

Did you feel guilty for being a working parent? Possibly a single working parent?
I am in this position and there are so many grumbles about wrap around club that I do feel awful that they're in childcare so often but I have no alternative.

Does your daughter now see you as an inspiration?

Did she feel hard done by in the younger / pre teen / early teenage years?

What are your top tips for managing the juggle of work and children?

Did you have a supportive employer?
I was older when I had my but I've become very senior despite being a single mum with disabilities and I do place a lot of the credit at my employers door too for supporting me through some very difficult patches (abuse, homelessness, ill children and my own illness).

I feel very lucky I was supported and encouraged (although I don't deny the part my own hard work played). I think it could have been very different in another organisation through no fault of my own

You have done so well OP. Did you have any support and help from parents or others or did you do it all alone?

I had a dd just before I was 18.

Younger dd had her dd just after 18....
Very different.

I wasn’t a teenage Mum, I was 26 when my daughter was born but I looked very young so got the same kind of dirty looks I imagine teen mums to be get. I have to say, I hate it when people say to pregnant teenagers “your life is over” - you’re living proof life can still be amazing!

Well done you. Life can be a challenge but you have risen to it. What an inspiration you must be to your daughter.

No, I didn’t - the women in my family typically don’t work or work in low-paid ‘unskilled’ roles

Tell us about the journey , what job do you have and how did you get there ?

I don't think this is unusual at all..but im 67 so mostly children were born to younger women.. my 3 sisters were married at 19 and had first baby age 20... all had fantastic careers. (Two retired now .. one passed away) my own daughter had her first age 20.. second age 22 and 3rd age 23..( all ASD) shes 42 now .. been single parent from when youngest was 3 and has a fantastic career.. her kids come first..

Did you have a partner? I had my first at 17 and last at 42 - same partner (as I’m often asked) still went to University and have always worked. Part time now though as still have youngish children and grandchildren.

you go girl wonderful

I had my first at 17 and last at 42 too! I think a lot of the things I did as a teen/young mum have set me up well for being a mum again in my 40s such as continuing in education and building up a career that’s now flexible and pays well enough for me to work part time, and buying a house as early as I could so I now don’t need to pay a mortgage. I also have an amazing adult child for my toddler to look up to!

she was 18 months old when I went back and 16 when I accepted my latest role. I studied whilst working full time between her being 3 and 10.

I always feel guilty! But, she’s grown up into an amazing young lady so I’ve done something right.

I almost hope she doesn’t see me as an inspiration - I want her to live a life before having a family, and it be easier for her than it has for me. I don’t think she feels hard done by though - she’s benefitted as she’s got older!

lower your expectations!

my house isn’t always clean and my kids haven’t always had a home cooked meal for dinner!

also, avoid social media. I deleted most social media a few years ago as I realised I was comparing myself to mumfluencers who are literally paid to look like a good parent and it made me feel shit!

To a degree, yes.
I have enough seniority to manage my own time so don’t need to ask permission to attend sports days etc. The flip side is I’m often home late so don’t always eat with the family.

I have a very supportive mum... and her dad, who is now my husband! We’ve been together 20 years, and married for 15.

I had ds26, a couple of months after I turned 19, and started
my degree when he was 2 1/2 months old.
Not at 6 figures (yet) but working my way up to it, after being off work for 6 years following a RTA.

I don’t want it to be too outing but a very senior operations role - job title starts with a ‘C’

I started in an admin position, did 3 years in an advisory role, 5 years in a middle management role and another 5 in senior leadership before moving into an executive role. I only took a 5 month mat leave with my younger DC to take up a promotion which was a difficult decision.

I’ve studied hard - Level 3 qual as I didn’t have A Levels, a foundation degree, post grad and a masters. Ive not got a student loan as I paid as I went, but have spent around £35,000 on academic courses over 10 year period.

Your DD sounds amazing

It was certainly unusual in my ‘circle’ - my school friends all have preschoolers and my mum friends are all at least 7 years older than me! I felt pretty lonely at the time - I didn’t really feel like I fitted in with other mums until I had my second child at 29.

Yes, the same one. Our DC are ten years apart so people often assume they have different dads - until they meet them, DD2 is a clone of DD1!