I was a teenage mum, DD has just turned 18 and life is very different now

[BlackBean2023]

I had DD a month after my 19th birthday. She’s just turned 18. When she was born we were reliant on state benefits.

I’m now in a senior management position earning six figures. Life is comfortable and happy.

NOT a boast post - it’s not all been a bed of roses - but it’s not a typical journey and I know people IRL who are nosy about my life now compared to my life then; this is under the cover on relative anonymity

I definitely won’t be a mum in my 40’s - I’m done and DH has had the snip!

You’ll get there!Congratulations on getting back to work - it sounds like it must have been a difficult few years

I was alway adamant that I was happy with one, then those hormones hit in your 40s!!

I do think there’s a lot of pressure as a teenage mum to prove everyone wrong as there are such negative judgements made about young mums and how they ‘get themselves’ pregnant to get a free council house or that their lives are over! They are either treated as scroungers or poor victims, neither of which is helpful. You feel like you can’t be seen to be doing anything ‘wrong’ or lazy because people are already looking down on you. As an older mum now there is such a huge difference having that support network of other mums and being able to relax a bit!

I'm glad to read that you and your DDs father are together and you married. So often the dad of a teenage mother is nowhere to be seen or minimally involved in their life.

Did you get a lot of questions about your relationship with the dad, more than you did with your second? Did you feel more judged when you were younger?
Asking this as someone with a 10 year gap with my DC and I had very different experiences with the eldest. I don't know anyone else who had one young and one at the 'typical' age so I don't know if it's a common experience.

I was 16 when I had mine pregnant at 15 and they’re now 17. Bought my first house at 20, now mortgage free, earning 6 figures too.

Having her young certainly gave me the drive to want to do well and prove the world wrong. She’s the best, straight A, hard working kid I could ask for.

Would never have believed it when I was 16 and just had her that it was just the beginning of great things.

I had my DD1 at 19 too. She’s 12 now and amazing! I’ve had two more - 5 and 2yo so 10 years between my eldest and youngest. DH has had the snip so absolutely no more.

I’ve also had people assume DH isn’t DD1’s dad which is crazy to me because she looks just like him. DD2 is a clone of DD1 as well.

Just wanted to say how amazing you are and how reassuring it is to know you’ve done so well. I’m 32 now and earning £38k but hoping to keep progressing up. 🤞 for 6 figures by the time DD1 is 18! Doubt it though. 😂 I’d like for DH and I to collectively earn 6 figures.

Honestly I think you will look back and be really glad you did it this way round. I had a career first and had my eldest when I was 35. Now still have 2 in primary, early forties and my career has gone from on a rapid trajectory to ruined. There’s something to be said about getting the baby years out of the way before you’re senior so it doesn’t affect the perception of your commitment.

Anyway, congratulations on your successes and your lovely family! Wonderful to hear about

Yes, everything felt easier ten years later.

I could be proud of being pregnant; I wasn’t when I was 18 - I look young for my age and I felt a lot of ‘looks’. DH says he didn’t feel the same which is interesting.

I do sometime wonder if I’ve been too pushy with my DD - like yours she’s been a brilliant kid, studies hard, pass her 11+, great GCSEs, now doing A levels and looking at a RG uni next year… I often joke she was my prototype to prove what a great parent I could be!

DD2 is a little menace, but I’ve already proved the point

I live in the South East - not quite London but close enough - so salaries here are higher.

My DH earns £45k and loves his job - it’s not all about money (although it does make life easier).

Well done @BlackBean2023

I’ve heard this from other women at work.

That said, I do wish I’d seen more of the world 20 years ago.

I thought for second you'd married your granddad. 🤣 It's been a long day.

Did you find it difficult to fund your education?

I think for many teenaged mums having a baby is the impetus to prove themselves. My aunty had her first aged 19, unmarried in the late 60s. She decided to go back to school and eventually did very well for herself and is very wealthy. Now in her middle 70s she is a gggm!

Money certainly does ease a lot of stress!

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I read it about 4 times, growing increasingly "WTF?!" until it clicked 😅

Me too!! I was so confused at first 😂

I put it on interest free credit cards and paid it off monthly.

I definitely didn’t marry my grandad!

Well done you!