I'm a long term benefits user: AMA

[mycheeseplantiscalledcharles]

I won't bore you with the long back story but to sum it up I had a professional career then two of my DC were disabled, needing FT care. They are now 19 and I've been on income support and now UC for 18 years. I have always felt comfortable financially and never had any debt. AMA.

Supported living/residential care for her son could cost the taxpayer more money than OP receiving benefits and being a carer

Not could but would. Many, many times more.

How many disabled children do you have?

Our school (many moon’s ago) had a separate line for those with free school meals. Seemed a thoughtless thing to do to me, they could have been more discreet (I was working class but didn’t have free school dinners). I’m surprised some places still do it.

I don't really understand where you are coming from. Are you saying you would feel better about the benefits system if those receiving it were also in debt? You’d be happier someone had a few grand in debt when on benefits? Perhaps the gov could make that a stipulation - no debt no benefits.

can you read? re read OP's opening post

So you have an asset that will be fully paid off pretty soon and you're envious of a mother of kids who will never leave home in a private rental?

None. My wife's disabled, though. Is it a competition?

No, but nice way to dodge the question. Anything to do with benefits and up you pop to have a go. Why?

I'm sorry for this, but I don't have to explain myself or answer to you. Hope that settles things. Anyway, you'd think we were on a public message board the way people are replying to other people's posts.

It’s not about you. Perhaps you should start your own thread instead of derailing this one?

I get you are pissed I off about the new roof tiles required on your nearly paid off house but did you ever think of going out for a walk instead of taking bile out on a woman in a very vulnerable position looking after two adult children with the highest of needs.

Punching downwards is not a life skill, it is a significant character failing.

I think you're massively missing the point of somebody making a post to elicit replies.

No, you don't, but you can't expect to keep being goady about the same topics over and over again and not expect to be challenged or questioned. I notice you haven't attempted to deny you're doing it. It's getting very old and very boring.

Edited to add: and you don't get to tell us we're only allowed to reply to the OP and not to other posters, either. I think you might need a crash course in how online forums work.

Don't reply then. That would solve your boredom very, very quickly.

I’m surprised at your comments and feel you must be used to a very frugal life. Your benefits are actually very low and you’re heavily reliant on your children’s money to survive. That’s a terrifying position to be in. I’m genuinely surprised you keep saying you’re surprised at how much you get, becaude you don’t get it, your children do.

I think your life sounds awful TBH and I don’t envy you at all. Your DH sounds like a waste of space.

I see, thanks for explaining yourself. You’ll elicit no more from me 🙂

I didn't explain anything to you. I merely made an observation.

I used to work full time, sometimes working two or three jobs at the same time, I was always very busy and on the go, even working towards a second degree (first degree at an actual university, then started studying online with the Open University). One day I got sick and never got better. I’m now disabled, unable to work and reliant on disability benefits. It’s less than a third of what I used to earn and I wouldn’t survive if we didn’t have my husband’s income also. He works full time across four days, and usually works two days of overtime, sometimes three (so a full week) just to keep on top of the bills. It’s hard on him, and it makes me feel very guilty, but it is what it is at this point. I’m not getting, I won’t get better, and that’s life. But I just wanted to let you know that not all benefits are “generous”. I don’t even get free prescriptions etc because I worked full time for years and ‘paid into the system’. There 100% are people who scam the system etc, but the people who are genuinely disabled are struggling - believe me.

Not to mention the fact that this poster recently mentioned having overpaid their mortgage by thousands of pounds. Definitely poor management.

Hi all, I'm back. Just got into bed and I'm wrecked so will reply more tomorrow, but just to address a few points:

• when I said I'm financially comfortable I didn't mean Mumsnet financially comfortable. Often the documentaries about child poverty shows empty kitchen cupboards and children should haven't had a hot meal in days. We've always had food, I'm a good cook and can cook fairly well on a budget.

• my personal income in benefits is in the minus figures since I started working and has eaten into my housing element. I'll do a proper calculation tomorrow but without my boys' money I'd not be here. I got a lot more when they were still considered children.

• if they had to go into residential care I would 100% have to work FT. I'd have to rent a 2 bed flat (which would be a struggle in itself with current prices) and DD would have to contribute.

• both were at different special schools. DT2 started nursery in mainstream with an assistant but this did not work out.

• I'm very grateful for what I do have and very much feel like I owe society something. I have done a lot of regular voluntary work over the years.

• I don't feel my life is terrible at all. My perspective has changed massively over the last two decades.

Sleep well everyone 💐

Resentful of that are we?

If your wife is disabled then she gets disability benefits. Not sure why you're having a go.

Or hasn't it occured to you to apply?

Read the thread, my dear. She does get PIP.

Sorry, but we don’t have a crystal ball. We overpaid a bit because we had a bit of money at the time. This was before we were engulfed in car repair bills and a leaking roof.