I’m a single mum claiming a UC top up AMA

[cadburyegg]

There’s a lot of negative press and misinformation about benefit claimants so thought I’d start a thread. I work nearly full time and have 2 children. Ask away.

I know! I'm shaking my head in annoyance at the 70/30 split for being with their kids, yet he still won't give much financially for that. A woman wouldn't be allowed to be such a bum and deadbeat to her kids, surely?!

@cadburyegg Why isn't he being made to either work/earn more or physically look after his kids more so that you can earn and have a break as well?? Just like a woman would be expected to do.

See, this is what annoys me about all those people mindlessly yarping at single mums to increase their hours.

In many, many places and situations, the childcare is not there to be able to do this. And yet people continue to maintain the fiction that it is.

In my rural village, there are no childminders any more. Not a single one. The school provides wraparound care from 8.15- 5.15 (which is an improvement from the last school, where after school club ended at 4.30). I know people who work up to an hour's drive away- it's rural, this is normal. Do the maths.

DS2 is in year 6, and suddenly able to walk himself home and let himself in. After 15 years of being tied to fucking childminders' and after school clubs' hours, the relief of this is insane.

That would eat up nearly all the wages from any evening job. You wouldn't be able to claim the cost of childcare back from UC unless the babysitter was OFSTED registered, which is rare.

Does it upset you to think that you will never be able to have more than £6k in savings? Never be able to help your adult kids out with cars, mortgage deposits, gap years, uni fees? Inheritence?

What are your plans for when your youngest turns 18 and all the child related money stops?

Why are you assuming OP’s situation won’t improve?
Usually as children get older, people are able to work more.

If the children’s father isn’t working surely he can do more child care-most working parents but work 40 hours, not 30…

It never had been possible to support a family on 30 hours of work! In the past people took more jobs/hours. Now they can pick and choose their house because of handouts from others.

OP is a single parent and has explained the difficulties in getting childcare which would allow her to work more. She is not financially better off doing that.
Jobs need to pay more, childcare needs to be more available and affordable.
What do you suggests she does?

Job hunting now I’m so relived my son can independently get to and from 6th form.
I’m looking at a possible 4hr daily commute.

I don't think anyone plans to be left holding the babies.

I'd be careful with that superior attitude if I were you. Life has a way of pulling the rug from underneath us.

I would vote for a party who made absent fathers step up or there will be consequences. No more hiding money, take passports so they can leave the country. There is a lot that could be done to make life uncomfortable for them

Whilst to some degree this is true. You have to question why so many fathers do not provide for their kids, and so many women make bad decisions. It is spiralling. You would think women would be even more cautious in 2025, especially with reliable contraception.

What has happened for this to happen? Is it because of welfare, women feel they don't need to be cautious and thereby make bad choices that quite frankly allow poor quality men to be be fathers. Generations ago, there was no safety net and women had to be cautious and would avoid such men. Welfare perpetuates the cycle.

I don’t want to criticise you as you are clearly trying to make the best of a difficult set of circumstances.

But your thread makes it very clear how much wider society has to do to make up for your ex being a dead loss, able to step away from his responsibilities knowing that benefits will kick in when he does. Also that it’s you, on your own, trying to do the work of a family / village. Benefits and UC step in to pay for the services and support that families used to provide. So tax payers are paying for shit dads, absent grandparents, for single parents to live on their own as well as a family could. I don’t know what the alternative is, but it shows how individualistic we’ve become. Though I guess we are all together in paying taxes to support the benefits system 🤷‍♀️

Generations ago, there was no safety net and women had to be cautious and would avoid such men. Welfare perpetuates the cycle.

You're really trying to make your pathetic point, aren't you.
We understand how you feel towards people who rely on welfare. I wonder if you are so vocal to people face to face?

When her children are adults and can work she won't need as much money plus will be able to work more hours? How is that not obvious? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know, and I understand why, as the non resident parent (usually the father) can just stop paying at any time, but if the system was changed and child maintenance was taken from their salary, and there was no option not to pay, then the resident parent would be guaranteed the amount every month. I did know someone who was receiving universal credit, her ex was supporting his children and as a high earner, she received a considerable amount of money off him, I think it was over £1,000 a month which didn’t affect her UC payment. The system needs review and absent parents need to be pursued properly. We’ve all read posts on here where a self employed electrician tells the powers that be that he only earns £10k a year, whilst holidaying in Barbados and driving around in a £50k car, whilst his ex struggles and the state have to pick up the bill.

Generations ago, there was no safety net and women had to be cautious and would avoid such men. Welfare perpetuates the cycle.

That's just not true though, is it. There were plenty of women stuck in shit marriages, with children in poverty, holes in their shoes, no winter coat etc. The men pissed their wages up the wall and the women just had to manage somehow.

Luckily we now have a welfare state, and the stigma around being a single parent has (mostly) gone away. So women no longer have to put up with this.

Thank you. That's a good answer. I agree with you on all those fronts!

I mean, I’m not a net contributor. Sorry I don’t understand your question.

i have a mortgage, pay £660 a month

No I don’t get free prescriptions, as you say it depends on income

correct, my ex husband for example seems to think I’m raking it in in “handouts”

I agree

Generations ago when women became pregnant they were either forced to marry and remain in unhappy marriages, the alternatives were to go to a mother and baby home or be disowned by their families. If it was such a jolly time maybw chuck out your fridge and washing machine, give 2/3 of your money to someone else and put cardboard in your shoes.

The CMS have investigated and presumably can only go on the information that is declared. There’s no system that will insist he goes out to work more. There should be I agree. Unless there is a genuine reason like disability, NRPs should be encouraged to work at least the equivalent of FTE minimum wage, so they can support their children.

The CMS is a mess but there is no political will to change it