I'm a hoarder - AMA

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Just that, I know its been covered a lot lately on telly with Stacey Solomon etc but ask away if there someone thing you always wanted to know.

Oh me too and it is a constant battle. I partly accept it and also battle it as it is my natural tendency to keep and collect. I just don’t look at things and think ‘I need to get rid of that’ or really care if something has a place before I buy it.

Is your home accessible?

Do you live alone? Curious how others in your household feel about the stuff. I recognise hoarding tendencies in myself but live with a minimalist which has encouraged me to strive not to hoard. This morning I binned one bag of stuff, recycled 3 bags and delivered one box of decent quality miscellany to a charity shop. It felt good. (Not bragging -I empathise with hoarding)

What does getting rid off stuff feel like?

Do you think you know why you're a hoarder?

Hugs to you 💐

It really is and feels unmountable at times.

We moved last September so a house twice the size and I have been very careful to buy very little since then. In the new house we have a double garage which I have probably half filled with stuff from the old house. Its a very strict rule that nothing gets put in there only removed.
Downstairs was always cluttered but with enough notice could make it presentable for visitors.

The bed rooms at the old house were always in a bad way (until DD was born and then her room was always spotless) Our bedroom had vertically no free floor for many years.

In the new house its much easier - we honestly did need more space. All rooms are clutter free and accessible.

Awful, I tried very hard when we moved to get rid of much as I could, I filled a long wheelbase van 3 times for tip runs and other de-cluttering between.

It sounds unhinged but it was one of the most awful things I've ever done, after each decluttering session Id cry and feel completely wrecked.

Are you a tidy hoarder (things stacked neatly) or an untidy hoarder (place looks like a hurricane just happened)?

3 long wheel base vans full?! What on earth was in there?

What kind of things do you hoard? Do you ever have moments where you are able to part with things? Also, are you deep into hoarding, or can you still use all facilities in your home?

I've lived with my DH for 17 years and we have a 5 years old DD.

DH has been very understanding, obviously I cant explain our whole relationship but he is very lazy round the house so I have always argued that if he pulled his weight I would have time to declutter - which is partly true as a tidy house is easier to clean but not an excuse either.

When I was doing one particularly difficult sort out of the loft DH said that me being so sentimental is one of the reasons he loves me, but I do need to let some things go - he has never forced me to throw anything away.

Its not bragging at all, its really interesting to see how differently people feel when they get rid of stuff. I love a clear, tidy space but I get no enjoyment from getting rid of stuff I find it honestly traumatic.

I honestly couldn't tell you, it blows my mind even

Hi OP, have you ever tried to get help for your hoarding? My uncle has very bad hoarding tendencies, we actually had to have a family intervention as his house was dangerously inaccessible. He's since reached out for mental health treatment and seems to be doing a lot better, although he still struggles with feelings of distress when throwing things away.
I've obviously done a lot of research and there's a suggestion that hoarding may be related to OCD as well, is this something you've experienced?
Thanks for this AMA, I think it's actually a lot more common than people may realise!

A mixture, I was a big fan of boxing things up and packing clothes into vac-bags for example but I also have load of "doom bags" (I believe they are called) of just random crap, Im pretty good at sorting through those eventually.

My auntie was a hoarder, most rooms of her house were inaccessible or had a small path through the piles, and my DBF's mum is a hoarder for childhood reasons. If you were going to get treatment for hoarding, what do you think would work for you? And what would be the tipping point/reason/conversation that would spur you to seek help?

The house we are in now, is clean and pretty tidy (I have a cleaner 2 hours every other week) most of my "hoard" has now gone into a double garage which really needs to be looked at. The move made me get rid of a lot and Im very conscious of letting it build up again.

In the old house we could always use the kitchen, bathroom and sit on the sofas etc. The dining table was rarely usable though and if it was I would normally scoop everything into a box and stash it away somewhere to be ignored for ever more.

I probably have too much of most things, but some things I find it easier to be mindful of. Food for example I've got much better with and I honestly have a normally amount in.

Clothes and books are my nemesis and I find it really hard to get rid of both.

Obviously you don't need to elaborate on here and I definitely don't want to trigger anything for you, but can you track your hoarding back to a traumatic experience or I guess why do you think you hoard?

Also as someone who knows others who hoard, is there any piece of advice/type of support that you found helpful that you think I should keep to mind?

Because the kitchen, bathroom and living rooms were always useable its been very easy to deny its a problem when we were due to put the house on the market I joined a lovely FB group who were very supportive.

No OCD but I do wonder if ADHD may be a factor, executive dysfunction along side not wanting to throw things away as I often come across bags or boxes that I can happily go through and throw most away but at the time I just couldn't get my head around sorting through. I believe I also have other traits of ADHD but I understand its massively self diagnosed so who knows?

I have actually just started looking into some therapy for some tricky family conflict at the moment and I will mention to them as I do believe it can all be connected in some way.

I hope your uncle is doing okay, well done to him for accepting help in the end.

That's a really good question and Im honestly not sure, I've obviously watched Marie Kondo show and others but I don't think I'll ever find it easy to throw things away, I can just acknowledge that I need to do it not just for me but for DH and DD. Having more space to entertain and DD having her friends round really keeps me in check.

Moving put my back to wall in some aspects but I obviously still moved so much to the new house, partly as I was running out of time and just didnt have it in me to do any more.

Would you ever go on Sort Your Life Out? And do you like watching programmes like that?

No I cant track it back to single event and in some ways I wonder if I've always been that way, I have a memory as a child of my Mum getting cross because I wouldn't put the toilet paper down the toilet I was cramming it behind the bowl (gross I know - sorry) and other where I was trying to pick up the crumbs from the carpet before my mum hoovered them up.

There was no one traumatic event that I remember or abuse or anything like that but I have realised since having DD that there were things that's weren't right, small things in isolation but as part of a bigger picture could be deemed a bit neglectful.

I certainly didnt grow up with hoarders but the house wasnt particularly clean, and in hindsight I think my mum may have had depression at times.

In terms of helping other people, you already sound very kind, so just continue being kind and don't judge, theres no point asking them why they are keeping something because they probably don't know themselves. If you think they would accept help ask them what they would be comfortable with even just the cutlery drawer for example and build their trust that way.

The thought of someone coming and and helping me clear huge amounts make me want to die of shame

Part of me would love too and she seems really too but the shame would be too much. I've found since really trying to tackle the hoards that if I clear a space I can maintain it so it would probably be life changing.

I've found watching her show really helpful and it spurs me on to clear a cupboard or drawer. I think it does highlight that even when a house is still functioning and not got to how people typically imagine a hoarder house to look it still really isn't right and people deserve to live better.

https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Buried-in-Treasures-Audiobook/B09TD3RVHJ?gclsrc=aw.ds&&source_code=PS1PP30DTRIAL453072523004T&ipRedirectOverride=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20430874250&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxJvBBhDuARIsAGUgNfjBWlhwwWXrazIlpnLVdRTRsl8iYjNiv79mDMCzXl3lrzTimFVgeVYaAt4EEALw_wcB

Have you come across this? I find the audiobook really helpful but also have the print copy.

Are there any books/youtubers/other resources that have helped in any way?

Was money tight when you were growing up? My DH is bad at throwing things away and I think it tracks back to this. Eg we will agree we need new towels, we will buy new towels, I will keep a couple of old ones for those sort of situations where you need old towel eg a leak, but then when I want to throw the others away, he wants to keep them “just in case”, and I think the “just in case” is that subconsciously he is worried a day may come when we need additional towels but can’t afford to buy them.

Very interesting to hear you say you feel awful when the stuff leaves the house. I think most people - certainly me! - absolutely love the feeling of chucking big bags of stuff at the charity shop and in the bin. It makes me feel great, not dreadful.

Dilly Carter, from Sort Your Life Out, has a business where they go in and sort things out for hoarders, much as they do on the show. She grew up with a mentally ill mum who hoarded and she really understands it. I think she's amazing.

Thank you very much, I haven't seen this but I'll see if there's a kindle version.

The reviews are very good, so looks promising