I still breastfeed my 5 year-old

[TandemFeeder]

I’ve had another baby too so am now a tandem feeder. Happy to answer any questions.

When are you going to stop?

Believe me you don’t need to be sorry for us 🤣

Exactly!

Most children will self wean by around 6 or 7 because as their milk teeth (hence the name!) come out, their jaws develop and a latch is much harder. We are definitely coming to the end now because my daughters losing her teeth and it's noticeably harder for her to feed and beginning to get slightly uncomfortable.

She needs comfort.

I'm her mother, I'm going to provide comfort.

How’s your sex life?

While I was breastfeeding it never stopped feeling a bit weird when my husband went near my breasts. That’s not why I stopped but our sex life improving was a bonus.

Late breastfeeding is one of those things that I try not to be judgmental about and question my own prejudices about, but at some level I find it strange and I don’t seem able to change that. I also think certain amount of separation is an important psychological stage for children to go through.

Exactly the point I was making

Not sure why you have directed that lengthy post at me, given I haven’t made any of the points you address?

For those who don’t know, once a child loses their first set of teeth (‘milk teeth’), they are no longer able to latch. So that will bring a natural end to things.

How are they stunting them? Lots of 6 year olds have milk before bed, at least this is the milk they’re meant to be drinking. I breastfed til 18 months and although I wish I had been happy to do longer that was the best time to stop for both of us, I felt touched out and when we stopped they slept so much better, it’s different for everyone and I imagine if I’d had another baby it would have been easier to carry on for longer. I know a lot of people breastfeeding 3+ but they keep it a secret from people because of judgement, but will talk about it to other breastfeeding Mums.

I've said it's not common in the Western World (unless there's a typo, apologies if so). My point was it happens in many other countries. It's a personal decision and it has to world for both mother and child, but it's not an issue.

I’m not aware of any evidence for this?

That's amazing.

I know occasionally I feel touched out and irs like 'no, you need to let go now'.

Do you have any plans for stopping feeding the older one or will you let them self wean?

Oh also I’d love to know if you ever have nights away/holidays with your friends/go to festivals etc? Do you do bedtime every night or can you go out for dinner with your friends or to the theatre?

Sorry, thread police.

I quoted a post saying by that argument, they may never stop breastfeeding.. not sure if it was you, just hit quote.
Ans then gave my own opinion.

So selfish. Bet he fails his A-levels

Personally I think extended breastfeeding of a child at school is more about the mother than it is the child and is about your inability to let go and wanting to baby them then any other reason.
and as adults do you really think they aren’t going to be embarrassed that you allowed it to go on so long?

Socially stunted?

Goes to her friends houses for playdates. Has sleepovers with her cousins and grandparents. Goes to school and has a wide circle of friends. As I type this, she's outside playing with friends aged 5 to 12.

Totally socially stunted.

AFAIK this has never been an issue. It’s not something he’s really that interested in or has ever talked about much. He might mention that he has bedtime milk. That probably wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else.

I've change my name to post this.

I was breastfed until around five. This means I can remember breastfeeding, and my memories are surprisingly clear.

Having been the child in this situation, it wasn't a choice I made for my own DC (I BF to between a year and two years for each of them). I know it probably shouldn't, but as an adult it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable now. If I'm honest, I feel like my DM was using BF as a way of keeping me as a baby (I was her last child, and motherhood was a huge part of her identity). Although I remember feeling very comforted at the time, I think it would have been healthier if she had have found a different way of soothing me by that age.

Interestingly though I cannot remeber weaning or how that happened. I guess I could ask my DM but I don't really like talking about it. It's so weirdly intimate.

I know that in other cultures extended breastfeeding is normalised but we are not one of those cultures, and we can't opt out of it at will.

There is no need for an actual child who can drink from a cup and use cutlery to eat solid foods to be at the end of your boob. Totally unnecessary. I’m not trying to be horrible here but I think it’s for the parents benefit beyond a baby or young toddler age x

It's total madness to do this in our society as it is today. IMHO.

Not a criticism but genuine question. Do you worry about any longterm mental health problems that may arise from continuing. Especially children in primary school. Do you worry that won't understand boundaries as much . Or think they are odd when they learn no one else they know did it to such a late age?
The chances are they won't meet many peers who are still breastfed .
Also those who say they do it to comfort. Have you not moved on to more commonly used methods to comfort your children as they get older?
Also do you think your child does still need it or is it hard to let go as the mother ?

Yes, ditto. My preference would be for him to wean now, although I’m not going to make him.