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AMA
Original poster

I’m a lesbian mum…AMA

34 replies

Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:04

Lesbian mum to 3 young children

AMA

last time I seen one of these it seemed to derail into a trans debate which really isn’t my bag nor relevant to me so I won’t be answering any questions on that

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 07/02/2025 18:05

How old are your children?

Radionowhere · 07/02/2025 18:11

Are your kids IVF? In this country? Privately?

Sorry, that feels rude to blurt out but you did offer!

I'm curious as my daughter is...not in to blokes (early days with this). I would like to be a granny some day and I think she'll want kids. I worry it may not happen for her.

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:11

EducatingArti · 07/02/2025 18:05

How old are your children?

8 year old twins and 2 year old

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:12

Radionowhere · 07/02/2025 18:11

Are your kids IVF? In this country? Privately?

Sorry, that feels rude to blurt out but you did offer!

I'm curious as my daughter is...not in to blokes (early days with this). I would like to be a granny some day and I think she'll want kids. I worry it may not happen for her.

No, my kids aren’t IVF, they’re kids 😂 but yes I did have them via ivf, privately

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 07/02/2025 18:16

Was it difficult to decide which of you would carry the children?

emmetgirl · 07/02/2025 18:17

Hello! My DD is gay and also has PCOS. She and her partner will be trying to have kids in a couple of years. How many cycles of IVF did you need to have before conceiving? Did you get it on the NHS? If not, can I ask how much it was?
Thank you for being willing to answer questions! xx

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:32

chocolateisavegetable · 07/02/2025 18:16

Was it difficult to decide which of you would carry the children?

No, my wife never wanted to carry children

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:33

emmetgirl · 07/02/2025 18:17

Hello! My DD is gay and also has PCOS. She and her partner will be trying to have kids in a couple of years. How many cycles of IVF did you need to have before conceiving? Did you get it on the NHS? If not, can I ask how much it was?
Thank you for being willing to answer questions! xx

1 round of ivf gave me the embryos for all 3 children.
all in it cost just over 10k first round and then around 2.5k for the transfer for next child. Didn’t get on nhs as wasn’t eligible at the time

OP posts:
Januarybirthdaysarehardtomakefun · 07/02/2025 18:35

Did you select the donor from a list?

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 18:53

Januarybirthdaysarehardtomakefun · 07/02/2025 18:35

Did you select the donor from a list?

From a sperm bank

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 07/02/2025 19:57

Do you encounter any prejudice at all?
Hope not!

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 07/02/2025 20:03

What did you prioritise when selecting a donor? Did you and your partner have the same preferences? And how are you explaining the donor to your children as they grow up?

LostittoBostik · 07/02/2025 20:15

As the birth mother did you feel in the early years that you were heavily bearing the load of child rearing? Or did having a wife mean the you genuinely did share the work very equally from day 1?

Genuinely fascinated by how much of the crisis for so many mothers in hetero partnerships is maternal biology (the body that just gave birth jumps into motherhood, the other steps back) and how much is simply gendered socialisation ?

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 20:34

Newuser75 · 07/02/2025 19:57

Do you encounter any prejudice at all?
Hope not!

Yes unfortunately I have both before and after having children

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 20:35

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 07/02/2025 20:03

What did you prioritise when selecting a donor? Did you and your partner have the same preferences? And how are you explaining the donor to your children as they grow up?

Prioritised as good a health as possible (or what was reported by the donor) and physically tried to match some characteristics to me wife but that was less important. Yes we had the same preferences. Our children have always know how they were born and the conversations have evolved and got more detailed as they have got older

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 20:37

LostittoBostik · 07/02/2025 20:15

As the birth mother did you feel in the early years that you were heavily bearing the load of child rearing? Or did having a wife mean the you genuinely did share the work very equally from day 1?

Genuinely fascinated by how much of the crisis for so many mothers in hetero partnerships is maternal biology (the body that just gave birth jumps into motherhood, the other steps back) and how much is simply gendered socialisation ?

Being totally transparent, I would say I have at times experienced exactly the same with my wife as many of my straight friends in that I do the majority of the childcare and carry most of the mental load. I work part time and she works fulltime. That’s not being the experience of many of my lesbian friends however

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 07/02/2025 21:16

That's interesting @Yellowdog1 - what do you think your other friends did differently?

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 21:17

LostittoBostik · 07/02/2025 21:16

That's interesting @Yellowdog1 - what do you think your other friends did differently?

I genuinely think it’s just personality/type of partner. I’ve had other lesbian friends where the non carrying mum has taken maternity and been the main carer

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:00

A friend of mine who I worked with has been in a same sex relationship for a number of years and they have 2 kids. Their first was her partner's egg (donated sperm) but my friend was the one who went through the pregnancy. Child number 2 was the other easy round. I thought it sounded like too much hard work at first but once I got used to it think it's lovely as both kids feel like both of theirs.

Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:01

Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:00

A friend of mine who I worked with has been in a same sex relationship for a number of years and they have 2 kids. Their first was her partner's egg (donated sperm) but my friend was the one who went through the pregnancy. Child number 2 was the other easy round. I thought it sounded like too much hard work at first but once I got used to it think it's lovely as both kids feel like both of theirs.

Sorry easy=au. Can't edit on phone.

Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:03

Agghhh! The second child was the other way round! My friends was but her partner went through the pregnancy!

Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:06

Fat fingers. You know what I'm saying!

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 22:10

Spidey66 · 07/02/2025 22:00

A friend of mine who I worked with has been in a same sex relationship for a number of years and they have 2 kids. Their first was her partner's egg (donated sperm) but my friend was the one who went through the pregnancy. Child number 2 was the other easy round. I thought it sounded like too much hard work at first but once I got used to it think it's lovely as both kids feel like both of theirs.

Yes we had many friends do that too. I think it’s lovely

OP posts:
Jobdilemmaz · 07/02/2025 22:20

Do your kids call both of you 'mum' or do you have differing names eg mum and mama? If it's the same how do they differentiate between the two of you if they just want you over your partner at that particular time for example?

Original poster
Yellowdog1 · 07/02/2025 22:21

Jobdilemmaz · 07/02/2025 22:20

Do your kids call both of you 'mum' or do you have differing names eg mum and mama? If it's the same how do they differentiate between the two of you if they just want you over your partner at that particular time for example?

We have different names so it’s easy to know who they are speaking to

OP posts: