My DH is blind - AMA

[WifeofBlindDH]

Friends are always curious about my DH’s disability but find it awkward asking sometimes, so thought I’d open it up to the wider mumsnet. My husband (and father to our two young kids) is completely blind, ask me anything.

@Arlanymor Literally no idea what you’re on about with rugby but I love your enthusiasm for including your friend, the world needs more of this!!

Does he have a good mental imagery and an inner dialogue?
I have dialogue but no real ‘minds eye’ so going blind is my biggest fear.
I think if you can clearly see things in your mind that’s got to be helpful.

Is there any medical trials or treatments on the up that could ever give him some of his sight back?

That's so kind of you to say, thank you! She's been blind since birth so I am really trying hard to think about how to express the game to her. And it's so lovely that she's asked specifically about rugby because when we first met we would often sit alongside one another in our poetry group (part of the main writing group but a subgroup) and when she arrived I would say hello and mention a bit about what the room/people looked like. In February/March I was invariably wearing a rugby shirt as it was a match day, so would tell her.

So in November, we both were at a meeting and I said: "Ooh we're both wearing corduroy today!" And she said: "No rugby shirt?!" And I said that thankfully the Autumn Internationals were over and it had been a painful season and that's when she asked if I would be able to explain the game to her and suggested plasticine as a way to do it.

Now it's all about me trying to find ways to relay the nature of the game through touch and sound, and I am trying hard to really think about how I experience the game and how that might replicate across to someone without sight. So the plasticine stuff definitely, but also sound helps I think - she's such a lovely woman even if I do it clumsily she would be gracious enough to understand that I am trying - so when I saw this thread I thought: 'Oh good I need help to ensure I am doing my best!"

Thank you for the thread OP.

Any top tips of do's/don'ts in seeing someone with a cane or dog?
For me, it would be natural to see someone with say a cane trying to get onto a train and offer help, but might be seen as condescending by them.

• Is there a polite way to offer help without sounding condescending? 'Hi, would you like a hand?'
• I know not to pat/fuss over a guide dog- what issues does your DH find and what does he wish people wouldn't do?
• Any things he wishes people WOULD do/say?

Sorry if too personal, but is the condition hereditary? Could you children go blind in the future too?

@JC03745 Thats exactly the right thing to do! Just verbally offer them help, and then if they say they’re fine or don’t hear you just get on with your day. Some people are weirdly offended when a blind person says they want help. One thing to never ever do is touch the person to get their attention, I’m sure you wouldn’t but some people do.

Definitely don’t fuss the dog, that’s the main thing. Sadly a lot of people ignore this advice! It’s ok to ask if you can pet it or say hello but again don’t be offended if the owner says no. My DH will sometimes remove the harness so someone can say hello, especially children.

They don’t believe it is hereditary fortunately, just really bad luck for him.

The cooking questions always surprise me.
How do people think that a blind person eats if the can’t cook.

My friend A who is totally blind was hosting a dinner party. She was asked by a mutual friend who was doing the cooking?

A pointed out as she lived on her own who the hell did the friend think was doing the cooking, or words to that effect!

Just to say I’m visually impaired!