My DH is blind - AMA

[WifeofBlindDH]

Friends are always curious about my DH’s disability but find it awkward asking sometimes, so thought I’d open it up to the wider mumsnet. My husband (and father to our two young kids) is completely blind, ask me anything.

Sorry about your dad, that must have been really tough for him. I didn’t know him at the time but yes he did, every so often it still gets him down but only on the odd occasion when he can’t do something he wants to do. I think being younger made him more adaptable than someone in their 50s or 60s.

Thanks again for answering my second lot of questions!

Does he get bored? All my hobbies are visual and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I couldn't see.

Do you use memories of people and faces from when he had sight, so you can explain eg “he looks like Elvis Presley but with red hair” or “she looks just like your sister did at that age”?

Thanks for this thread it is so interesting. I am sponsoring a guide dog called custard and love watching molly Burke on TikTok!

I always wonder if it's helpful to move out of the way when someone using a cane or guide dog is coming towards you or if it's better to stay as you are incase it throws the person or dog off that people are leaping out the way!

How did you meet OP? Were there any challenges stemming from your DH's VI in the early days of your relationship?

The thought of not seeing my children's little faces is heartbreaking, losing my sight remains one of my greatest fears for this reason. It doesn't sound like it has held your husband back much, it's very admirable especially when he's lived a portion of his life with full sight too.

No he watches more tv than me, so much with audio description on these days! Plus to be honest very little time to get bored like anyone with young kids, and he still goes out with friends etc

Ahh Custard that’s so cute! Well done for sponsoring, they do make a big difference.

I would say if you can completely clear out of the way that’s helpful, especially with a cane. Guide dogs are trained to walk round people so less of an issue but obviously if you’re completely clear of them then it won’t disrupt their stride.

Can he dance?

We met online! I don’t think there were any challenges early on, I think they’ve come about more since we’ve had kids but only in the way that other people’s relationships are also challenged when they have kids, ours just has an extra level of stress / complication.

What's the dog's name? 😜

I have struggled to think of how to say this but for most couples, it's normal to be attracted to our partner's physical appearance . Is that element missing for him and does it impact your self esteem?

Are his other senses heightened?

@whydoihavetowork No definitely not, especially not his hearing!

@Lovemyassistancedog No I don’t think that’s missing from him, I guess for me the only bit on self esteem would be it would be nice to hear that I look nice occasionally when all dressed up / back from hair dressers etc.

I have no questions, OP but I’d like to mention how selfless I think you are. 🫶

Thanks again for answering all my questions. I wish you and your family all the best.

Can I ask did you keep the retired guide dog? You say the dog knows how to follow the family which I find a bit odd as an assistance dog knows it’s job and normally tasks for one person.

The reason I’m asking is I have an assistance dog (I’m deaf) and my assistance dog never takes the lead from anyone else.

What an amazing thread, so great to use the chance to spread understanding, an anonymous forum is a great place to ask questions it would be rude to ask directly, but are good to know the answer to!

Has he suffered anyone trying to use his VI to rip him off (short change him for instance) or take advantage, or be cruel?
I like to think we live in a world where people like that are rare, but I read an interview of a blind lady who was so sick of people being horrid to her about her disability that she didn't want to go out anymore. 😢

@DaisyDumplings No sadly we had to rehome the first dog as it was too much to keep it with the children and a new dog and with us both working, but rehomed to someone we knew.

When I say knows to follow us, I mean to literally follow me. So if we are out shopping in an area the dog doesn’t know for example, the dog will follow it’s usually commands but if I was ahead and went into a shop, it would then (at the command of DH) follow me.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

Unfortunately my mum has since passed away.

For her it was her friends and (although not for me) religion. She still went out for a coffee with her friends and attended church regularly which gave her her "normality"
I think as she was older it was harder to adapt to the day to day things so our family /carers took this on instead.

The only thing I can think of is that sometimes he’s had taxi drivers disappear or cancel a job when they realise he’s got a dog. It’s illegal for them to refuse to take a guide dog but obviously they think they can just get away with it if they go before he gets there. We went through a phase where I had to book taxis for him so they didn’t know there was a dog there until they got there and then they had to take him. But other than that I don’t think anyone has been cruel to him. Sometimes I worry about whether our kids will be picked on for having a blind dad!

Do you ( and the dcs ) have to be extra tidy around the house ? I'm thinking shoes , stuff that's found itself on the floor , the bathroom , the stairs etc .
Can be do stuff in the kitchen , cook , make easy meals , wash up , put away the shopping etc

Ypu say you met online, I assume you knew he was blind beforehand, did you know other blind people or was he the first blind person you’d gotten to know? Did you feel at all daunted or anxious about the first date and about being with a blind person? Did you have any assumptions that turned out not to be true or was there anything that took you by surprise when you first met/ in the early days in relation to him being blind?

The 'follow you' command is excellent, I've never really thought of that before, really interesting thank you.

Yes but then I’m quite tidy and organised anyway so I don’t think it makes too much difference. And as I said to another PP, our living room floor still ends up covered with kids toys!

He can cook but I will leave the ingredients out for him. Though to be honest I tend to do all the cooking and he then does all the washing up as it’s just the way it works for us. He has a go at putting away the shopping, if he’s not sure what something is he’ll leave it out and then I’ll put it away later. Can’t put away laundry though

Hi OP, I'm sorry if this is too personal:

How does your partner’s blindness affect physical intimacy, if at all?

Do you think blindness heightens their sensitivity in other areas, like touch, during intimacy?

Are there any unique challenges or benefits in your sexual relationship due to their blindness?

How do you and your partner navigate visual cues or body language during intimacy?