Emergency foster carer -AMA

[noshadowatnoon]

as the title says! I was enjoying the adoptive parents AMA, so this might inform about another part of the process

Firstly my huge admiration to you for looking after children when they need it the most. How long do children normally stay with you, and how long do they normally have to wait to see their parents? It must be confusing and traumatic for you all.

Well done for doing this.

Have you always done this type of fostering? Why did you choose it?

The shortest stays are when police bring a child to your door at 2am and social service come and collect them again at 9 the next morning - the longest stays are a few days, but we sometimes have regulars who come back over and over again for years. There are occasionally planned stays of a couple of weeks for various family situations

Thank you for the thread. How much notice do you get that a child/children are coming to you? Are you in a major city or can you live elsewhere? Do you have other biological children?

I chose it to fit around my working as part time teacher, because I couldn't have paid the mortgage with fostering alone, it is too unreliable, too low paid, and often costs me more than I make! But if I have a regular income from teaching, then I can foster as well.

Sometimes the child I am fostering goes to the school I work at, but otherwise, I only foster Thursday night to Monday evening in term time, or longer periods in school holidays

Notice can be as little as 10 minutes, or a month or more, if it is, for example, because mum is going into hospital for an operation. I am in a city, but I know you can foster elsewhere too. My children grew up with foster children in the house, and are still in touch with some of our regular customers.

Do you get told of the reason the children need your care / why they’ve been removed? If so have you noticed removal for cases of suspected FII have increased a lot in the last few years ?

🤝 secret handshake with a fellow FC

I was wondering if a child's foster parents would be offered 'first refusal' if it's decided they'll be placed for adoption?

Sometimes told, sometimes not, sometimes I have direct contact with the parents, sometimes I don't. Often they come to me from another foster parent, and we may have a breif handover conversation. There is often a sort of questionnaire that comes with them, with dietary needs, allergies, medical conditions, etc, detailed on them.

I don't think I have ever come across a child who has been removed for FII

🙋

sometimes not always I have known hearts broken, when it has been assumed that a long term foster carer will keep a child, then they have had the child removed and placed with someone else - One carer I knew had a child from birth to 6 and then she was put up for adoption, and her carers applied, and were turned down. Apparently were not an ethnic match - which made no sense to any of us, because of one the foster parents was.

That is absolutely insane! I can't get my head round that. The trauma must have been unspeakable.

well the couple concerned left fostering, they were inconsolable

she was so much part of the family that she had inherited from a grandparent alongside their 2 older children. She was one of the family, totally - I have no idea how she did when she moved on. Poor lass

What is FII?

How busy are you? Is there a lot of demand for emergency foster carers?

Are you allowed to go on holiday whenever you want or are you required to be home / available in case a child needs you?

very interesting thread thank you.

Do you only do short term fostering because of your teaching role or do you prefer it to long term placements?

FII is fabricated or induced illness, ie Munchhausen's by proxy

I am busy, I get a few placements a month.

Going on holiday, well, we do have one child that comes quite regularly, and if I am know when to expect him, we book our holidays and include him in it - he has been away with us several times. We only holiday in the UK, and the social services department of the county we are holidaying in is told in advance we will be there

Because of teaching, really - because teaching is my reliable income

Re FII I just wondered as 2015-2021 I worked with a lot of families suddenly being accused of this with some having their dc removed . I’m not working anymore but wondered if it was still happening (although guidelines around perplexing presentations were updated in 2021 so perhaps there has been a decrease in accusations of this) . It bothered me greatly as was all SEN parents .

One carer I knew had a child from birth to 6 and then she was put up for adoption, and her carers applied, and were turned down. Apparently were not an ethnic match

That is heartbreaking and I fail to see how an ethnicity match would be better for the child than the parents they’ve grown up with and loved. I’ve read about cases where birth parents are not allowed the children back as they’ve been settled in with foster parents for a long time and it’s seen as in the child’s best interest not to change back to them. There seems quite an inconsistency.

I've always been interested in fostering, I'm a mother myself to two, but I'd want to do it when they've grown up and left home.
However, as shallow as this may sound, I would struggle to support children who need, without financial support, at present, I receive child benefit which goes directly towards packed lunches and clothes for them.
What is the amounts you recieve to support a child?
Also, are children ever mean or steal?
I'd want to help younger children - do you get a preference?

Do you find it hard to let them go?

Easiest question first, yes, you get to say what your preference is for age. And if you set yourself up for a particular age, you are well within your rights to turn down children of a different age. If you have all baby and toddler stuff, you can turn down a teenager.

In reality, you may be offered children out of your preferred age rang and choose to take them, sometimes.

Money... it varies. We get an "allowance" to cover "expenses" - in practice that means, a non destructive child with a normal diet and able to walk to the bus stop - we make a profit.. very destructive child, expensive diet, needs taxis, we will make a loss.

But you can choose who you foster for, I am LA, but some fostering agencies offer a far higher rate of pay

Are children "mean"? yes, but I don't really see it in those terms Do we have children with absolutely no idea how to behave, no boundaries, no empathy, yes, because they have not been taught. Do children steal, yes, we have been burgled by a child who snuck back after leaving us. When the child is with us, no, not generally, because I supervise them

well, we have our regulars, and some are still in touch 10 or more years after we last cared for them, so we don't necessarily "let go" as such - but you have to be able to detach, from the ones you don't see again.