I'm just an average gypsy AMA

[GypsyAMA]

I've noticed a lot of hatred towards gypsies on here so I thought I'd answer any questions anyone may have that could help you to understand my culture more. You might still disagree with many aspects, but at least you'll be coming from facts and not stereotypes.

Do you think you live the average gypsy life. You say you don't live near any other gypsies and you're isolated.

Gypsy families here all live together and their secondary age children have others for socialisation.

That's horrible, especially if you have your children with you

@Allotment123 where did she say that they are staying in their own communities due to stigma and prejudice? I got more the sense that they choose to protect their way of life and want to shelter their children from external forces (e.g. choosing not to send them to secondary school.)

The biggest learning for me is that there are distinct groups: travellers and Romany. Previously I probaby would not have thought that.

What are the most distinctive differences between these groups? It would be great if you could educate us as I think posters are confused on this point.

I do think it's incredibly sad that DC are taken out of school just because of outdated views from their parents.
In the same way that prejudices have been shown on travellers / romany gypsies on this thread - these communities have prejudices about education which will demonstrably inhibit your DC's life chances.

@MillshakePickle how will OP support her children getting a degree if they’re not allowed to go to school ? It would be pretty expensive to pay home tutors for GCSE and A level, and I doubt it would be affordable (even if such tutors could be found in the gypsy community- as presumably non gypsy tutors wouldn’t be allowed).

I think blind acceptance of the ways of other cultures is wrong. Just because something has been done for centuries doesn’t make it right. It’s not “colonial” to think that we’ve moved on from a time when girls are only allowed to aim for a life as a SAHM. There’s a tribe in Papua New Guinea where the boys have to give blowjobs to the elders and swallow their semen, to become warriors. Do you think it’s colonial and wrong to disapprove of that? I know that’s an extreme example, but it’s a basic principle. If something is wrong it’s wrong, regardless of how culturally established it may be.

Yep, that was one of the more insane comments on this thread (so far)!

NevER cRitICisE ETHNic prAcTiSeS sanctimony has led to unimpeded FGM and systematic child sex abuse in recent UK history, among other horrors. Anyone who thinks it's "colonial" to oppose some cultural traditions needs to check their values (and privilege, probably. It's a very white middle-class complaint.)

This is the best AMA ever. I've learned so much and really had to consider some of my own views. Thank you OP!

Can I ask how men treat women generally in gypsy communities? And what did you do before that you were so successful at?

Some seriously vile people on this thread. Thank you for the insight OP

What job did you have that you were so successful at between the ages of 12 when you left school and 21 when you were married?

your DH is self employed - what does he do?

Thanks I missed that.

But I live in Essex and that describes an awful lot of non gypsy people, none of whom generally get followed around shops or refused tables in restaurants.

You'll have to ask the OP, they were her words?

My grandmother swore our family had Romany in our heritage somewhere along the lines (specifically pronounced Rom-an-y, not to rhyme with Rome if that makes sense). I can’t find anything - in past times would Roma families been accounted for in a census, or on birth certificates etc? She also swore blind that a gypsy cursed a baby that I can’t find exists so it could all be completely false!

Well it is quite violent but the main characters are gypsy too. I just remembered aout it when you mentioned the caravan.

Maybe because in other parts of the world children are desperate to get the education that is being turned down. Literally hundreds of thousands would give anything for the chance of the education that doesn't seem to be valued

Maybe because women have had to fight so hard in the past to get education for girls

If, as you have said:

'Gypsies are everywhere, living normal (for them) lives. They could be behind you in the queue in Tesco or sat at the next table in the restaurant. You just don't know it. Obviously only the poor behaviour grabs attention, why would normal people get attention?',

how can the following (which you also said) be true as well?

'Yes regularly followed, asked to pay before eating, refused entry and service. It's appalling.'

Is it that you behave poorly to draw this negative attention to yourself? Or is that people outside of your community can also recognise gypsies and/or travellers somehow?

I would love to learn about your culture and experiences. Will you do an ama?

Just because something is considered “culture” does not mean it isn’t harmful. Denying choice, sex education and knowledge to young women is wrong. Period .

So no, we don’t need to “accept all cultures for who they are.”

Female genital mutilation is still considered a cultural practice in many countries. Are we expected to just “accept” that because it’s cultural. Of course not.
Likewise, enforced veiling (often through violent and/or deadly means) is also considered cultural in many countries. Should we accept that a woman has no right to choose how she dresses?
Of course not.

I would very much like to stop hate, racism and prejudice but I’m not going to do that by accepting outdated, harmful and backwards thinking from any culture including my own.

Do you feel any cultural connection to the recently arrived Gypsy groups from countries like Romania or Albania?

Something I’m confused about is why is 12 the age children no longer go to school? So would they start Year 7 and carry on until 12th birthday and then leave?
I would have thought it would be Year 4 in primary school as this is the age I believe they start to be taught about the birds and the bees? Though it was Year 6 when I was young.
Also, trans stuff does come up in primary schools. I know someone whose then reception aged child was pulled out because he was told that he could choose whether he’d be a man or a woman.
I can understand it when primary schools respected parental choice and it parents could opt out but that is no longer allowed?

on the contrary.....I could understand (but not support) that "school education" is not valued.....its the fact that it is actually denied to children, not just turned down but actually actively refused that I find ....well I was going to say incomprehensible.....but sadly its not incomprehensible.....its a common tool used to control the thinking and opinions of the young.

there was a post on facebook recently with the strapline "this is not Iranian/Arab/Somali etc national dress, this is" Its worth looking for if you are on facebook.
edit: I found it on youtube.

Not a question but in my line of work, I sometimes support gypsies and travellers. I had never met one before and had only heard horror stories before. That's what makes the news right!?

Anyway, each and every one of them have been lovely. Very respectful, open and personable.

I can completely understand why many keep themselves to themselves. Your way of life may not be what most of us would choose but it works for you and I love that you maintain your traditions and morals.

I will always stand up for you.

That's the same in my family!! An ancestor in my mother's maternal line (rather than mother's paternal line which appears to have possible romani ancestry) was apparently "cursed by a gypsy" I think the legend was he killed a gypsy or similar and that's why none of us ever since have any good luck or much money.

But this was the same woman who claimed her ancestors came to the UK in a small boat, fleeing the court of Versailles and brought as many of their treasures as they could and lived well for a couple of generations until the family fortune was gambled away.
I never asked if this gambler was also the gypsy killer. 🤣

In reality this relative of mine - Irish. Going umpteen generations back. I went back on ancestry website several hundred years and her line is Irish all the way.

Made a good story though.

I'm embarrassed to admit I believed it all well into adulthood.

You said ‘Why if they all look British??’????

I don't think I said I wanted the education system to teach children how to keep the house clean but now that you mention it, it probably wouldn't do any harm considering people on MN are never finished complaining about their lazy children and partners.

Not sure when or where you went to school but cooking lessons in Scotland are not what you describe and fall under "home economics" if the notion takes you, please google what it consists of. Not a whole lot of cooking skills.

What I mean, is that our education system does not teach basic life skills. How to organise a house, bills, life admin, gas and electricity etc etc

You do also understand, that Gypsy families usually work for themselves and make decent earnings? Those trades and skills are not taught in school. It's generations teaching their knowledge and skills.

As I said before, there are many many people with little and no education who go on to be successful and there is far too much focus on this thread surrounding education.

There are other ways to learn away from the classroom based environment.