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AMA
Original poster

My ex was a grooming gang member AMA

57 replies

Libertyy · 21/11/2023 06:51

I’ll answer literally anything, well my ex, I was underage and he was older than me by 5 years

OP posts:
JuJuHeyHey · 21/11/2023 21:45

Not yet, but I hope you find peace one day 💚

Mombie · 22/11/2023 09:46

You have been so open about your experience and it is so eye-opening. I hope you have some real life support around you and that you manage to make peace with your past.

Lalgarh · 11/12/2023 08:58

Libertyy · 21/11/2023 18:04

i know this sounds awful but initially I was more of an observer. My ex said to me (who was in charge of us) that if I dared to disobey him this is what would happen to me, he kept me there to watch what was happening to those girls and kept reminding me that this is who I will eventually be like, that I need to do what he says, he threatened to marry me multiple times. The men had their favourites, they were multiple leaders but one for each and they’d routinely pass them around but took their favourites with them to show off when there was a bidding on girls to make money off their rapes. Usually there were other men from other areas too.

He told the girls that didn’t know me that I was married to him (which wasn’t true) and that I would harm them if they weren’t good enough to him. He said to one of the girls who was bisexual “you’d love it if I forced her to do things to you wouldn’t you” and he threatened to break all of the bones in my body and chop my hair off when I refused to hurt any of the girls, especially my friends. He smacked me and yelled at me so much till my head hurt and hurt my thighs, then threatened to chop my clitoris (he never did do this but I didn’t dare risk it) and forcibly dragged me with his fists digging into me that I knew I had no choice. All I could think was what if I’m hurting her, how do I do this so it doesn’t her but at the same time doesn’t cause him to hurt me badly.

So while he was making loads of money off pimping my friends out but became extremely jealous and possessive of me that he didn’t want anyone touching me, he used to pass me to his white friends because he knew I had trauma with white males as a child and after he used to take me to hotels and hurt me himself. Eventually I had vaginismus because of it all which meant that all penetration downstairs was impossible and I lost his baby, he tried drugging me and he said it didn’t feel as good, that I was no good to him any more,I managed to get out of it when a few men I know beat him up quite badly because of what he did to their friend’s sister and they didn’t know about what he did to me so when they found out they threatened to kill him with their own hands and said that if they saw him misbehave with me his life would be over. he hurt me for the last time and said he got what he wanted and told me he was going to destroy my life by hurting my friends and framing me, he said he was going to brainwash them into believing it was me because he used to drug them so when they were unresponsive he’d pounce and said he’d do that. And my friend who went onto having a baby with him, chose him over me. I told him I was going to tell his mum what he did to me and he told me if he did he’d kill me so I said to him I’m not scared of you any more, he called me a traitor asking why I defended the girls over him because he’s one of my own and they weren’t and told me that if I told his mum she would have had a heart attack and it would have been all my fault. Stupidly I believed him and I cried in front of him and said to him that he was my own why did he pass me onto other men who reminded me of my past and why did he do such a horrible thing when it’s not allowed anywhere, he scoffed at me and said if he had it his way he would have took me to Pakistan to marry me and make me have his kids or he would have killed me for ruining his reputation for my “behaviour,” he said I was worse than the white “whores” but then said he didn’t mean to Do anything to me and that he loved me.

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Man alive. @Libertyy I'm so sorry.
You mention the physical violence, internal injury and (again I'm so sorry) enduring losing 'his' baby. When you were at hospital, did any of the doctors or staff spot any red flags? Also you say that you were from the same community as him. Did other women offer you any help (cousins, aunties, in laws) come to know about the situation you were in?

pickledandpuzzled · 11/12/2023 09:29

Wow. I’m so sorry that we- society- are allowing this to happen and failing to protect you.

It’s shocking the number of men who willingly join in with this.

I pray you are able to find therapy that helps, and that you find a way to recover enough to build a more satisfying life for yourself.

Is there a charity focused on the victims of grooming gangs do we know?

Lalgarh · 11/12/2023 11:59

This one is run by the whistleblower in the Rochdale case
https://www.themaggieoliverfoundation.com/

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