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AMA
Original poster

I'm a SAHM in my 20s

97 replies

LlamaMamma · 15/08/2023 21:23

As the title suggests

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:30

PerspiringElizabeth · 16/08/2023 09:03

I’m always surprised how many people on MN think the only solution to boredom is to work.

Same

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:31

Libraryloiterer · 16/08/2023 09:10

It's really cute that you think you don't judge working Mums - your posts are dripping in judgment.

Cute that's how you choose to interpret them and read into something that isn't there. Sounds like you're feeling guilt about choosing being one or the other but just know that both are valid and try not to feel too much guilt!

OP posts:
lovewoola · 16/08/2023 09:32

My 20s were amazing, working & partying hard. Just so much fun, I always wonder if people miss that bit. Obviously you can do it later but that's when most of your friends have young dc at least ime

Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:33

@WesterChick & @BrutusMcDogface obviously you ladies both have more experience and I can't tell the future. From where I am now, I would hate to go back to work. But that's from where I am now. Maybe it'll change in the future, life is full of unexpected turns!

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:34

HamsterGlasses · 16/08/2023 09:13

I was too.
Best decision I ever made.
I qualified as a teacher did my NQT year (1 year as it was then) then had my first at 23.
I had the most amazing 8 years at home by choice supported by my husband. I was never lonely, never craved adult company or 'me time'. Did all the baby groups etc.
Then at 31 I went back to work as a part-time TA picked the kids up from school everyday went to all their school events. When my youngest started secondary school (I was 37) I stepped back up to being a full time teacher I'm now the SENCO and Assistant Head, exactly where I would have been in my career had I not had time out, the next step up would be a Deputy Head or Head which I have never wanted to do.
I genuinely believe I've had the best of both worlds.

Sounds lovely!! So glad it worked out for you so well

OP posts:
cptartapp · 16/08/2023 09:35

Good for you but as a woman, always plan for worse case scenario. Men don't tend to take the DC with them when they up and off.
I presume your DH is paying into a pension for you?

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 09:35

But I didn't have to because my husband earns a lot of money in our family business so going to work would have been a 'selfish' move for us, and not a 'need'.

That's interesting. My mum didn't work for years but still used childcare & we had au pairs/nannies so she could pursue her own interests. Never thought it was selfish!

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 09:38

I don't judge them if they're happy but my heart breaks for them and how hard it must be to leave their children to go back after mat leave or to hear from their childcare provider about the day they've had and what they (the mum) missed. Must be hard on some level even if you love your work!

After a 14 month mat leave I was going crazy so I started working 10 hours a week, then built up to 15, etc. I genuinely never felt I missed out on anything! But I would leave my dc with family anyway before I worked to have a break.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 09:40

I look at mums of older kids who work and imagine it could be me I feel immense sadness if I had to do it

Are you planning to home school then?

DuploTrain · 16/08/2023 09:42

I don't judge them if they're happy but my heart breaks for them and how hard it must be to leave their children to go back after mat leave or to hear from their childcare provider about the day they've had and what they (the mum) missed. Must be hard on some level even if you love your work!

This is very judgy! You can spare yourself some heartbreak, I don’t find it hard at all.
I love hearing about my 2 year old’s day. I’m secure enough to be pleased he had fun, not weeping into my dinner because I missed seeing him paint a paper plate.

As this is AMA, my actual question is: how do you and your DH split your free time/ leisure time at the weekend?

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2023 09:44

You have posted a lot previously about various issues in your marriage- have things settled down now?

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 16/08/2023 09:48

How old are you though if you’re 20 (which is unlikely with your comment about your work life before the baby) there is a big difference to if you’re 29. I’ve been a sahm since I was 30 I don’t think that’s particularly uncommon.

YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 09:48

Is your husband making pension contributions for you now?

Do you worry about what you'll do in your late 40s/50s when your children are grown?

byvirtue · 16/08/2023 09:48

Are you religious? I used to work in the city and the only people married in their 20s did it for religious reasons.

LT2 · 16/08/2023 09:54

I do have to agree that there was a particular response above that does sound judgy - Please don't be heartbroken for me. Perhaps you mean more for full time mothers but as a part time mum, I chose to return. Yes, I cried the first day I left him at 13 months. But I left him with my mother, his grandmother, so I only had tears from it being the first time we parted (I'd literally not left him for even an hour beforehand). I was never worried about him as he was with family. I had separation anxiety as a toddler so I wanted that time away from him so he didn't develop it too! Months later I'm still happy with that decision. He is comfortable with a lot of familiar faces and family now, not just clingy to me (it sounds like your daughter is clingy to you, and chooses you over her dad)

TheLongpigs · 16/08/2023 09:57

I was also going to ask if you are a Christian? You sound a bit like me / some of our friends.

lightinthebox · 16/08/2023 09:59

I don't judge them if they're happy but my heart breaks for them and how hard it must be to leave their children

You say you aren’t judging, but viewing women who work as ‘leaving’ their children isn’t accurate. They will be earning money to financially contribute towards care. Don’t count on every child being a dream and easy.

People working doesn’t mean they aren’t attached to their child, they will be earning money to provide for their future.

LT2 · 16/08/2023 09:59

How old is your child really?

On this thread you say she's almost 2. On your previous thread on your marriage struggle, you state she's 14 months. That is just over 1 to me, not almost 2🥴

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 10:00

If you're life goal is to have a family/be a mum (nothing wrong with that) but how would you cope if you didn't have 4 dc etc?

LurkingMenace · 16/08/2023 10:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2023 10:07

How is your Husband? You said previously he was struggling with his MH and I know he had recently spent some time in The Priory to tackle his OCD?
Is your son still displaying OCD like behaviour as well? Are you now able to cope with both children as you said previously that you were only able to deal with one at a time so your daughter was going to be staying with his grandma?

LT2 · 16/08/2023 10:08

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2023 09:44

You have posted a lot previously about various issues in your marriage- have things settled down now?

I mean that thread is from only last week.😬

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2023 10:14

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2023 10:07

How is your Husband? You said previously he was struggling with his MH and I know he had recently spent some time in The Priory to tackle his OCD?
Is your son still displaying OCD like behaviour as well? Are you now able to cope with both children as you said previously that you were only able to deal with one at a time so your daughter was going to be staying with his grandma?

Is this the same poster? This OP says she only has one?

Back to AMA. You really, really don’t mind being the “default parent” and are happy that your husband can go out whenever he wants because your baby needs you to settle? This has trouble written all over it.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 10:16

how do people see these other threads?

LT2 · 16/08/2023 10:19

@lovewoola you go to search, then click on advanced search. Then have the option to search with their username to see where they have also posted. @BrutusMcDogface yes, I think that must be a different poster. I can only see the thread where @LlamaMamma is having issues with her husband but not about OCD.