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Original poster

I'm a SAHM in my 20s

97 replies

LlamaMamma · 15/08/2023 21:23

As the title suggests

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 02:26

Answering these in order, will get to the rest later.

For anyone worried about me going awol, thank you for your concern but I just went to sleep as it's night time in the U.K. 😂

OP posts:
fullbloom87 · 16/08/2023 02:30

@Honeychickpea

I know. But I didn't have to because my husband earns a lot of money in our family business so going to work would have been a 'selfish' move for us, and not a 'need'.

fullbloom87 · 16/08/2023 02:34

I think as you're still very much in the baby bubble stage with only having 1 little one at present, it's hard for you to imagine regretting anything right now.
I certainly didn't regret a single day when mine were little.
It's only now they're teenagers, that I look back and realise what I did miss out on being a sahm and the knock on effects of being there for them 24/7 . This is something you won't discover until your child is grown.

Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 03:17

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2023 23:31

What are the best and worst things about it?

How many kids do you have and how old are they?

Did you work before having them?

Are you married?

Do you plan to get a job in future?

What are the best and worst things about it?
Best - I get to spend all day with my daughter, I don't miss her hitting milestones like first word / first step, not having "pointless tasks" that I found completely uninteresting and unmotivating at work (pointless because they were benefiting the company and had nothing to do with my family really, not like teaching my child to use the potty, reading to her or showing her animals in the park)
Worst - can sometimes get lonely if my husband works long days and I don't see many mum friends. The solution is to organise to see more mum friends

How many kids do you have and how old are they?
1 daughter, almost 2yrs

Did you work before having them?
Yes. Grad scheme plus one year after in banking

Are you married?
Yes

Do you plan to get a job in future?
Never know how life turns out but I'd prefer not to

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 03:18

thefirstmrsrochester · 15/08/2023 23:34

As asked already, are you married?

What financial security do you have petsonally?

Yes I'm married.

Financial security is that I'm married to the father of my child and I also have my own family money / savings / inheritance

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 03:22

shangelawasrobbed · 15/08/2023 23:36

Do you secretly judge mums who work despite having young children?

Do you ever question/regret your decision to stay at home?

Did your own mum work or was she also a SAHM?

Is the dad to your kids still around? What is their bond with him like? Do you feel you being at home with them has affected their bond with him at all?

Do you secretly judge mums who work despite having young children?
I don't judge them if they're happy but my heart breaks for them and how hard it must be to leave their children to go back after mat leave or to hear from their childcare provider about the day they've had and what they (the mum) missed. Must be hard on some level even if you love your work!

Do you ever question/regret your decision to stay at home?
No. Best decision I ever made.

Did your own mum work or was she also a SAHM?
She was a SAHM

Is the dad to your kids still around? What is their bond with him like? Do you feel you being at home with them has affected their bond with him at all?
Yes the dad is around. Their bond is great. My little girl squeals with excitement when he gets home, they have a great time playing. He makes her laugh loads. I love their relationship. She is, however, closer to me in the sense that if she wants something (eg to be given a drink, help getting up some big stairs) she will look to me and when hurt she will always run to me. If we both enter the room she will run to give me a hug first.

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 03:26

shangelawasrobbed · 15/08/2023 23:37

What are your favourite and least favourite parts of the day with your children?

Favourite: seeing my daughter explore the world and discover new things, at the moment seeing her speech develop and hearing the new things she's coming out with, the first time I see her in the morning when she shouts MUMMMMYYYYY and gives me a kiss

Least favourite: the tantrums 🥲

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 03:29

fullbloom87 · 16/08/2023 02:34

I think as you're still very much in the baby bubble stage with only having 1 little one at present, it's hard for you to imagine regretting anything right now.
I certainly didn't regret a single day when mine were little.
It's only now they're teenagers, that I look back and realise what I did miss out on being a sahm and the knock on effects of being there for them 24/7 . This is something you won't discover until your child is grown.

You may be right! But equally I know mums of children younger than mine who WANTED to go back to work, and also when I look at mums of older kids who work and imagine it could be me I feel immense sadness if I had to do it. Of course happy for them if that's what makes them happy but for me, I would find it painful to do

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 16/08/2023 04:37

So what will you do after they leave home?

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2023 07:27

You seem to have decided that you’re never going to work again. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Jk987 · 16/08/2023 07:47

iminvestednow · 15/08/2023 22:40

Great, if your partner can support you and you don’t complain about him not helping in the evenings. Keep in mind if he leaves you and claims ‘self employment’ you’re screwed.

Why shouldn't he do chores and look after child in the evening?

Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 08:54

Wallywobbles · 16/08/2023 04:37

So what will you do after they leave home?

I don't have a set plan as that's yeaaaaars away - we want more children and it's likely that the youngest will go to university / move out for another 25ish years (let's say 7-8 years until we have our last baby and they move out at 18). It's possible (but unlikely) that I might want to work again. But there's so many things to do, I don't feel like (for me) employment is the only interesting way to spend time.

I could: pursue a hobby, go on long walks with our dog, travel more (DH would be nearing retirement by then), take on a little project like gardening / house-related, see family more often. I don't think in my 50s would be the time to start a laborious career!

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 08:55

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2023 07:27

You seem to have decided that you’re never going to work again. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Yes for me personally I think that's a good idea, but of course it's subjective and differs from person to person

OP posts:
PerspiringElizabeth · 16/08/2023 08:57

iminvestednow · 15/08/2023 22:40

Great, if your partner can support you and you don’t complain about him not helping in the evenings. Keep in mind if he leaves you and claims ‘self employment’ you’re screwed.

Odd perspective. Surely anything outside of working hours is split 5050.

OP I’ve been a SAHM for 8 years since DC1 was born and I was 25.

My question is are you paying into a pension, have life insurance and paying your NI contribs?

Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 08:58

@Jk987 my husband certainly does both! Our routine after he gets home is I get 1hr of me-time (to do life admin, have a bath, call friends and family etc) whilst he plays with our daughter. Then I prepare her dinner and do bathtime and bedtime. Whilst I'm doing bath and bed he cooks our dinner (if different to what my daughter had) and tidies up after my daughter's meal.

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WesterChick · 16/08/2023 09:00

I think you are very much in the baby bubble still. You are clearly clever and your brain will need more stimulation than potty training at some point.

I was a SAHM when my eldest was a toddler and by the time he hit preschool I needed to work for my own sanity. Like you I adored being there for his firsts but it was not good for my mental health to have nothing more in my life. I did judge my mum friends who went straight back to work when baby hit 1 if they didn't financially need to - their careers are flying now and mine is not - that doesn't matter hugely to me although it is a big sacrifice.

I now have 3 children who are al at school and I work freelance part time and am there for them as much as possible, while my brain and self esteem and family finances benefit from my working.

I was a 'SAHM' when each of them were little though, didn't work at all for long periods.

I think don't completely identify as a SAHM (why I put it in quotation marks previously) because it's something you can do and be for periods when it works for you and your family, and you can dip in and out of work if you are clever about it.

Once you have more kids and they are older I'd bet money on you feeling differently about it.

Enjoy the baby days!

PerspiringElizabeth · 16/08/2023 09:03

I’m always surprised how many people on MN think the only solution to boredom is to work.

LT2 · 16/08/2023 09:04

Do you ever feel guilt at not contributing financially? (I work part time, have an 18 month old and will possibly be a SAHM for a while when I have the next one. But this is something that goes through my mind!)

YaWeeFurryBastard · 16/08/2023 09:06

How much older than you is your husband?

FrenchandSaunders · 16/08/2023 09:06

You’re very lucky to have that choice OP. Enjoy it, you can always go back to work at a later stage if you want to.

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2023 09:09

I agree with others that you are very much in the new baby bubble. My baby and toddler years were like this (I did work in between, but hated it for various reasons, and had a few months here and there as a SAHM).

My four children are now aged 5-14 and I love being back at work and having my own identity back.

Enjoy your time now, but never say never to returning to work! Maybe your new outlook on life will get you interested in a new, different career.

Libraryloiterer · 16/08/2023 09:10

It's really cute that you think you don't judge working Mums - your posts are dripping in judgment.

HamsterGlasses · 16/08/2023 09:13

I was too.
Best decision I ever made.
I qualified as a teacher did my NQT year (1 year as it was then) then had my first at 23.
I had the most amazing 8 years at home by choice supported by my husband. I was never lonely, never craved adult company or 'me time'. Did all the baby groups etc.
Then at 31 I went back to work as a part-time TA picked the kids up from school everyday went to all their school events. When my youngest started secondary school (I was 37) I stepped back up to being a full time teacher I'm now the SENCO and Assistant Head, exactly where I would have been in my career had I not had time out, the next step up would be a Deputy Head or Head which I have never wanted to do.
I genuinely believe I've had the best of both worlds.

Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:19

YaWeeFurryBastard · 16/08/2023 09:06

How much older than you is your husband?

8 years

OP posts:
Original poster
LlamaMamma · 16/08/2023 09:29

LT2 · 16/08/2023 09:04

Do you ever feel guilt at not contributing financially? (I work part time, have an 18 month old and will possibly be a SAHM for a while when I have the next one. But this is something that goes through my mind!)

Not at all! In the same way he doesn't feel guilty that he contributes far less of his time to raising our daughter, that even on weekends I'm the default parent, that it's far easier for him to go out in the evenings than me (my husband struggles to put her down to sleep without me), that he gets to go to the toilet solo at work whilst I always have a little shadow following me :)
We're a team just doing different roles

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