Our 21 Month old doesn’t have a set bedtime and has never had set nap times AMA

[ToddlerMama27]

Our 21 Month old doesn’t have a set bedtime and has never had set nap times AMA

How many hours (on average) does he/she sleep at night?

Was this through choice or are they a bad sleeper? Mine has a set bedtime but I've not managed to get a set naptime no matter what I've tried... if by choice, what led you to that decision?

Are you or your partner stay at home parents?

My 16yr old and 11yr old have never had set bedtimes and never had set nap times either.

They both like to sleep and sleep well. No harm done here.

Mine didn't either, I don't get why people get so fixated on routines then turn down things due to them

Do you ever get a break?

We never had ‘set’ times until about 1yr but now I aim for a nap around 12pm as if I didn’t, he would choose to nap around 4pm and then be awake until 1-2am, which wouldn’t be sustainable for me. We are flexible though, and DS goes to bed around 10pm probably 2-3 times per week.

Mine didn't particularly have set routines either, I certainly wasn't following the strict regimen sone books told parents to do, we did have routines with food, bath reading etc ...

How do you plan to do anything at all?? Sorry if it’s been asked already!

Somewhere between 9-13 I think 🤔🤷‍♀️

Will you implement a routine when your child is slightly older and starts nursery or school or will you allow them to continue to dictate their own schedule even at the risk of being tired or late in the morning?

This sounds goady but it's not - what does your title mean? My children have never had 'set' bedtimes but they go to bed between about 6.30 and 8.30 because they're small children and get tired around then. As toddlers, they usually had a nap in the afternoon because they would be in the car or buggy coming home from somewhere and fall asleep. I don't think that's unusual. Do you mean you let your child stay up til they fall asleep on the sofa or whatever? Do they ask to go to bed?

He's always been a pretty good sleeper 😊 As a baby he would sleep from around 11/12pm-10/11am (with milk wake ups) most nights. We tried bed times a few times but it either always upset him or he’d be too energetic to lay down so I just started taking him up when he was clearly tired, trying for 10/20 minutes and bringing him back down if he wasn’t ready to go to sleep. I think he knows when he is tired and we wouldn’t go to sleep if we weren’t tired 🤷‍♀️

Nor did my now teens. I don’t get the angst over it! But yes they did have a SAHP which probably makes a difference.

I am but I’m not sure that makes a difference as my partner works and we all co-sleep together

How does it work when they start school? Do they willing go to bed and get up early?

I’ve read things about having to go home when it’s nap time ect. and I just don’t get it 🤷‍♀️ Prams and car seats and for naps here 🤷‍♀️😂

Will you enforce a bedtime when they go to school?

21 months? Tbf I don't think proper routines start until full time nursery or school. Nap times happened when they did, usually before school pick up! I'm not sure why you think this set up is different from many others?

How many children do you have? Do you both work full-time?

If you're an introvert/person who likes a bit of downtime the 'ooh we have to go now it's nap time' is a cast iron reason for having two hours in the middle of the day at home in peace and quiet. It's a dream!

The only routine that we have is going to the same classes at the same time on specific days of the week in term time 🤷‍♀️ Meal times vary too as he’s not always hungry at the same time each day and it depends on when/if he has napped as well 🤔

This is really infuriating. Well done on having a child who naturally sleeps well, want to stick a laughing face after that?

My first nearly killed me, I had no bloody set routine, she just NEVER slept, try that and work full time then add another in the mix. Oh guess what, she slept, the third, a bit of both.

The oh that's what car seats are for, I'm sorry, just no. Child one is still a challenge, two ,over sleep so much I tend to keep her routine, and three as I say good and bad days.

This has given me a great deal of rage because its posts like this that make those on their knees feel absolutely shit.

Nature over nurture for sure.

Nor did mine. They got themselves into a routine.

If you go back to work will you implement a bedtime routine so they can wake up for nursery/school in the morning?

Do you never get to 7:00pm and wish you could sit down with a brew and a kitkat?

Sometimes buggy and car seat naps are inevitable, but I prefer the babies and toddlers I look after to have their naps at home in their cot when at all possible. Good quality sleep is important for development and, as an adult I get far better quality sleep stretched out in my own bed than I do strapped into an airline seat (which is sort of the adult equivalent of a car seat!)