Our 21 Month old doesn’t have a set bedtime and has never had set nap times AMA

[ToddlerMama27]

Our 21 Month old doesn’t have a set bedtime and has never had set nap times AMA

That also doesn't seem very fair on your younger children though. I appreciate life can't stop if you have more than one but surely you have to prioritise all the needs of your children. Yours luckily did sleep on the go with some fussing and crying but they did sleep. What would you have done with one that genuinely wouldn't settle and would just scream as they were overtired wanted to go to bed but simply couldn't sleep?

At some point if you had a truly terrible sleeper wouldn't you have needed to implement a routine to ensure that a none sleeping child was in bed by a set time to allow them to thrive even if that meant your older children having to compromise?

I meant how do you do anything planned in advance - like as in plan what you need to do this week next week, things you want/need to do without baby around?? I use my baby’s routine when he naps like clockwork to do house renovations / wash my car / gardening / I’ve got 2 courses on the go / sewing / catch up on work that I’ve not finished off.. things I can’t do when I’m literally doing childcare and he’s toddling around with me. To fit life in I have to be sure that I’ve got those 2 hours of nap time in the morning to do XYZ and then an hour in the pm occasionally. Then we do the baby stuff when he’s awake. Otherwise the rest of my life and plans would be on total standstill!!!

@supersonicginandtonic @InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits Genuine question, beyond the little baby stage (when day sleep can make up for night sleep and vice versa)…say into toddlerhood, when they still need a lot of sleep but far more of it happens at night, were your DC fully in control of much sleep they had and when? My 3 yo has to be up at 7 for nursery. He’s clearly tired and needs his bed by 8pm or a) he’ll be very emotional and grumpy the next day and b) he won’t meet nhs guidance for sleep. If I didn’t put him to bed he wouldn’t take himself, so how did you not end up with horribly overtired children if you didn’t enforce some kind of bedtime?

As others have said, it's nothing to do with the overnights.

No SAHP means up at the same time every day to get to childcare on time so parents can be at work on time. Childcare setting may have set naptimes, and even those that don't will have routines for activities that will naturally lead to particular nap times. Then they come home tired and so go to bed once they've had their dinner/snack/bath/whatever.

Bingo, baby is in a routine.

Agree with everyone else, baby sleep is pure luck, I had one horror and one dream. Both hit a common sleep development point at about six months and would only nap in the dark and in the quiet - naps on me in the living room (horror dc1) or out and about (dream dc2) no longer worked.

@MuffinToSeeHere no because I wouldn't result to that. I got them used to sleeping on the go by persevering. it was something I had to do.

It depends. Some days he will nap for 2 hours, some days he will nap for less than half an hour or not at all 🤷‍♀️ We try to discourage naps starting after 3pm and try to stretch it to 6pm and take him to bed where he will either wake back up after an hour or two or sleep through 🙈

But that's my point some of us persevered and preserved and yet it made no difference. If you have a child who won't nap anywhere but a cot in the dark then it wouldn't matter how long you tried dragging them around with you to keep to your routine or trying to force them to accept napping on the go in a car or pram or sling etc.

My point is some children simply won't get used to it so then what do you do?

@VivaVivaa when they are at nursery, Monday to Thursday, they are usually in pjs by 7 and asleep by 8. They sometimes have to come out with me to pick an older child up but go back to sleep. I don't mind later naps either, so that often helps.
When they're not at nursery, they tend to sleep when they need it.

@ToddlerMama27 do you have to be so rude?

Glad you've found something that works for you! We had a vague routine but never to the point where we had to go home at a certain time extra and we were quite flexible about things 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I think it's time we supported people's choices rather than sticking smiley faces after disparaging comments as if you are superior! I can pat you on the back if you really need it 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

@MuffinToSeeHere I never let it get to that, I persevered a lot. Even when they were tiny and didn't sleep much at night. It just wouldn work for my family to have to be home during the day for a nap.
I'm not saying you're wrong, please don't think that. Parents just do what works for their family.

I can't understand why anyone would have set times for naps and bedtime. Our friends/family that are like this are so restricted by their kids routines. They can never just stay out a bit late or go out at certain times of the day. We find we're always the ones agreeing to their schedules so we can see them.

No one would choose this. No one. Everyone I know would love to be able to continue their social life as before and meet up with friends as and when. However, the babies/toddlers have other ideas, many thrive on a routine, or don't cope well with being tired, or become overtired (a hell I'd never appreciated until I had one who was prone to this).

It's just parents doing what their children need.

I’m really not sure 🤔 I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to make him go to sleep at a set time as he’s not tired then he’s not going to sleep 🤷‍♀️ I will probably do no tv ect. after a certain time then quiet play/stories in bed though to try and settle him down 🤔

Just reading your last post you discourage naps after a certain time so you aren't letting your toddler do what they want after all!!

This reminds me of an Insta post by a woman with one three month old, giving others advice about how she coped on a flight with her child.

You’re a sahp, with one child. I’m delighted for you that you can go with the flow and be happy for yourself about it, but AMA… what? I’ve got three under five. They all nap and have set bedtimes. Want to ask me anything?

Right?!

I believe routine is what helped him sleep through from 11 weeks. It got to the point I was putting him down awake and he would self soothe no bother.

I appreciate you're not saying I'm wrong and you're not either as obviously a bit of perseverance worked for your children but honestly it gets a little tiresome for those who have rigid routines to read comments saying we wouldn't have allowed that and it wouldn't have worked for us as though those of us sitting at home with a child in bed at 7pm wanted that to be how it panned out.

I'm genuinely delighted that so many people get children who do fit in and adapt but it's hard to read when you didn't get such a child as if you'd just persevered a little harder they would have given in and slept on the go alas some children don't and unfortunately had I had older children they would have had to miss out and that would have just added to the feeling that those with shit sleepers get it so wrong because we're not just going with the flow.

No. Just no. Christ this is as bad as OP.

Your baby slept through from 11 weeks because you got incredibly, incredibly lucky.

As a PP said, smug shit like this (and the OP) can make it so much worse for those struggling with a terrible sleeper, especially first time mums who still think they have some element of control and so the bad sleep must be their fault.

Honestly OP, with one child and the fact that you are a SAHP, this isn't that groundbreaking or interesting.

If my 2nd child had been born first I'd probably be as smug as you are, with your "I just get on with life and baby naps when they get a chance and are fine" attitude. DC2 was absolutely happy to go with the flow, rarely cried for no reason, cat napped and was fine and slept well at night.

My first, on the other hand, would have screamed for 2 hours straight if he missed his nap, and woke up hourly overnight if he was overtired or under tired and also hated his pram and car seat so naps had to happen at home. Only when you have a child like that will you appreciate how vital routines are for some people.

I did.

I couldn't imagine not really, it means that there's no guess work involved and I don't feel restricted at all because I know he will definitely have his long lunch time nap which means I can do whatever I need during that time.

I'd struggle so much not having one and potentially dealing with a grumpy, overtired baby.

I'm not being smug at all 🙄 I believe it helped. Obviously some babies loves sleep. Some don't.

I think putting him down awake and self soothing helped him too, he slept through from 8 weeks.

Speaking about perseverance.

My worst sleeping dc, as an example. Regularly meant I got less than 2 hours broken sleep a night, didn’t sleep reliably until 7+ years. Etc.

I couldn’t have a bedtime or a regular schedule. I had to go to work. Having a roof over our heads wasn’t optional. I was a lone parent, no childcare available. They had to be flexible even if that meant they didn’t sleep well and I didn’t sleep well because the alternative was to have no house, no home and no food. I can’t see how it could have been otherwise.

I have one toddler. He naps early afternoon and sleeps in the evening and at night.

I feed him food and dress him in clothes.

If you want to know more about how child rearing works, AMA!

🤣🤣🤣