I had my first baby at 14 years old AMA

[Mumat14ama]

As the thread title really, I know lots of people will ask why, so I’ll just say, I was in a relationship with someone a bit older than me, he would buy me fags and alcohol, I didn’t have anyone else and was bullied horrendously at school - grew up somewhere not very diverse so my mixed race heritage made me the perfect target for bullies.

Even though I didn’t want to, I did eventually agree just to shut him up. Silly and naive of me, but I did gain a lovely son out of it.

In RL a lot of people say, “you don’t look old enough to have a child that age” I usually just respond by saying “No, I’m probably not” and leave it at that

I’m 31 now and my ds is 17, and although people are kind enough to not say anything, I can’t help but wonder how I’m judged.

So ask away.

Did he get charged for statutory rape, assuming he was over 16 when he impregnated you?

You sound incredibly brave! Well done and make the most of your soon to be more freedom, you've earned it!!
Did you marry the father and/or did he pay his way? Xx

Did you continue with your education and were you supported.

You sound amazing. Did you stay with your family when you were bringing him up?

He was 6 years older than me, my mum reported it at the time but police weren’t interested as I wouldn’t talk.

I did actually report around 7 years ago, police investigated and interviewed him, he admitted everything but CPS NFA’d it as it was a long time ago, we were both young, and in a relationship.

I hope you had the support that you needed. Please don't worry about being judged now. Just enjoy your son.

How did your friends and family react?

Did you continue your studies after your son’s birth?

How does your son feel about you being 14 when he was born?

Sounds like you’ve made the best you could out of a difficult situation, wish you and your son all the best

So you were 13 when you got pregnant? And he was over 18 if he was able to "buy ... fags and alcohol"?

Would you say you were able to consent to sexual intercourse at age 14 or do you think it’s really rape?
I had sex at fourteen and would say I wasn’t coerced, just sexually precocious and a horny teen. I wouldn’t have been ready to bear a child at that age though.
What would your advice and your expectations of your child regarding sex and relationships with someone below 16?

Does he have any contact with your DS?

Thank you.

He left when everyone found out I was pregnant, around 28 weeks pregnant, he did come back to be named on birth certificate but I’ve not seen or heard from him since.

I met my now husband when ds was a year old, he is also older than me, he adopted my ds and we had 2 more children and married when I was 20.

I completed my GCSEs and went to college after.

My family consists of my mum, younger sister and my maternal grandparents.
My mum and DGP all worked.
How I managed, back then my ds went the child minder when I was at school, I got 2 buses to childminder and then walked to school. When I went to college he went to sure start nursery. All that was funded by the state.

Occasionally when I’d put ds to bed my mum would agree to watch over him so I could go over to my friends house.

So lots of support from the state, but practically not an awful lot from my family, but then I didn’t expect it either.

They did want me to have an abortion but I was 28 weeks before it got noticed.

How did you feel when you found out that you were pregnant? Was it a shock? Do you feel that better sex education could have prevented it (as a teen under pressure it sounds like maybe not/you were in difficult circumstances). Is there anything that you would say to your younger self? Glad things have turned around for you OP.

No, and my ds doesn’t know about him, yet.

It’s difficult, we were in a relationship and I did see him as my boyfriend, it was the first time for me, and although I wasn’t up for it, nor was it enjoyable, I did say yes. He spent 20 minutes asking me.

Your 17year old son doesn’t know he’s adopted?

I was scared, I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t even seek medical help because I was worried about what my mum would think.
I just carried on as if I wasn’t pregnant and hid it as best as I could.
I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t have a clue how I would cope or what I would do.
I just carried on as if I wasn’t pregnant and everything was the same.

Better sex education would’ve certainly helped, I was never taught sex Ed at school, sex Ed started in year 10 and consisted of putting a condom on a carrot, of course I’d already had a baby.
I didn’t know about contraception, termination, semen, ovaries etc.
We still had dial up internet and no smart phones, I’m glad technology has improved.

I would say to my younger self, don’t be afraid to talk to those you love.

He knows his dad is his dad, and that’s it.

No judgement here I was a teenage mum (although a lot older than you) & I now work with teenage mums, no questions from me but following out of curiosity!

That's not good you should have told him the truth years ago

Fair play OP. You were only a baby yourself, you should be so proud of what you have achieved. I am delighted you have found happiness x

Why did you decide to continue with the pregnancy? Was it religion or something else?

When will you tell your son the whole story?

I stayed with my mum and younger sister until I was 16, then ds and I moved out on my 16th birthday to stay in a cheap house share, Dh had a live in job so his wage paid for everything.

I didn’t know not continuing was an option, I wasn’t aware of terminations or how they were even done.
I couldn’t contact a dr in case they told my mum, I was completely alone with my head in the sand until I was 28 weeks.
No, nothing to do with religion.