Ask a Muslim anything

[Lesschubtolove]

Another thread on a Quran being kicked about has brought up some pretty ugly stereotypes on Muslims and a perception that we all want blasphemy laws and death threats are part of our religion and that a Quran only matters in Arabic. None are true but it dawned on me actually that there are a lot of mistruths and Misconceptions about what Muslims believe, think or do.

Well ask away… the questions you maybe wanted to know but thought you might get in trouble for or would be frowned upon

Actually you are, that was my experience of feeling like i didn’t quite fit in, i imagine similar to other muslims (perhaps other faiths too) at uni, specifically in halls of residence in freshers well and it was in response to a PPs question.

I don’t need you or anyone else to invalidate my lived experience. This was my experience at a certain company, now don’t get me wrong the culture was awful and drugs were also fairly common place and drinking I came to realise was a heavy heavy part of the culture. If you must know words were ‘you not drinking alcohol makes a lot of people feel quite uncomfortable’, i made conversation and networked but it is quite hard being the only sober person in a room full of not sober people. The other Muslim (all male) that worked there also drank alcohol, partied, hooked up at parties so I imagine I did look ‘uptight’ especially because I don’t have an overly Muslim name.

Interesting that you say that @mirah2 i guess the only real time I’ve had that from other Muslims has been In a work environment when they are completely off the deen, and then have given me so much flack about not drinking. But this was one specific company, they’d try and spike my drinks and everything. It seemed to have this tone of let’s corrupt her, maybe it made them feel bad? I don’t know. I get quite bad hypoglycaemia due to a medical condition and during the very long fasts of Ramadan I had to keep to saudi time (permissible in certain circumstances) and those same men that tried to put vodka in my drinks came down on me like a ton of bricks then too. ‘Faking it’

it’s weird because it comes from both sides, there’s always someone super quick to tell you what you’re doing is wrong and you’re not religious enough and you should be doing xyz xyz, really common with Muslim women online for instance and then you’ve got the other side.

can’t ever win it seems

Do you feel that Islam has got more fundamentalist due to Saudi Arabia funding mosques and schools? Also what about the health risks with the whole marrying cousins thing that seems to be fairly common?

Apologies if I am derailing any on going conversation but I haven't been reading any previous posts and wanted to reply to OP's first post: 'Questions that maybe frowned upon'

After doing an Ancestry DNA test, I have discovered that my biological father is Middle Eastern and Muslim.

My mother dated my father years back at university and they eventually split and he travelled back home (Saudi Arabia)

After learning from a dna match that he is now divorced, I am now thinking of contacting him (he doesn't know I exist)
I realise my existence will come as a shock but I can't help and assume that his real issue will be the fact I am a non-muslim.

May I ask your thoughts as my head is spinning.

Oh wow. Obviously I do not know this man, but I very much doubt his first thought or real issue will be that you’re not Muslim, it will most likely be that he doesn’t/ didn’t know you existed and now you are x many years old and it’s pretty likely that he has other children.

do you know where in Saudi Arabia he’s from?

Yes, a very straight forward yes to the first question. I think even the presence, having Mecca and medina and how strict saudi used to be (it is modernising) would have had an influence even without funding.

your second question is a bit of a generalisation. It tends to be more of a Pakistani thing, and tied to social class and education rather than being ‘all Pakistanis’. That’s not to say that Arab Muslims or Malay Muslims or African Muslims don’t sometimes marry their cousins, but In my experience it’s less common. I wouldn’t say it’s a Muslim thing, none of my family are married to a
cousin. It is legal here too, I guess on occasion genetically it’s not too bad but for it to be legal in the UK you have to be 3 connections apart, continued cousin marriage
Obviously isn’t and can cause serious problems

Do devout Muslim children attend PHSE lessons? I have a Muslim colleague who was reluctant for his daughter to attend such lessons as there was potential conflict of values. Do Muslim girls (and boys) require all elements of PHSE especially when there are cultural expectations of chastity?

My opinion would be sex education is necessary for all, as it’s not just the basic anatomy of it all, it’s consent too, sexual health etc . I guess some might not want their kids to do it as it might ‘encourage’ their kids but the facts as I see them, is that a huge portion of primary school children have seen porn in the playground, so the age of innocence is well and truly gone and all taking children out of sex education will do is give teens and then young adults a
warped expectation around sex.

I guess LGBTQ probably factors into why some conservatives don’t want their kids in sex Ed

@ParkCrescent sorry for butting in, but I recently watched a documentary (most likely on Prime) about adult children looking for their Saudi dads. Exact same case as you. Some if them had point blank refused to acknowledge them, some acknowledged them and wanted contact in secret with them and a small minority got welcomed into the family.
As long as you are aware of the cultural differences and are fully aware that the first two scenarios are most likely, then I'd say go for it.

Yes I imagine the initial shock would be my existence and perhaps fear and embarrassment at potential judgement from his family members.

I am his eldest child and not a result of an affair but I can't help and think that because I was born out of wed-lock, parent of a non-muslim I have no chance of acceptance.

He lives in Jeddah (yes I know what you're thinking 😐) but his family are/were very westernised and have lived in the the US and various European countries. Looking on Facebook too, my cousins and aunts have photos with their faces and hair uncovered so I'm guessing they are not fiercely conservative.

Honestly? I expect to be blocked but for closures sake I will message him.

Jeddah is one of the more open minded areas of Saudi and has been for ages. I lived for a few years as a child in a small fishing town on the Persian gulf and that was very conservative but it was known when I was there that Jeddah was liberal.

i think you being non Muslim actually will have very little to do with it, as I’m guessing your mum is Christian and you were raised by her so obviously you’d follow the religion/ culture of where you’re from and who raised you.

you should message for closure at the very least but you may find yourself pleasantly surprised. and if hes a douche then its his loss not yours! and that will go in his book of bad deeds. maybe you should start a thread? i hope everything goes well for you x

May I ask the name of the documentary you watched?

Yes, I'm fully aware of the cultural differences and highly doubt I will get the Hollywood ending but closure for me would be; a few words with the person I look like, who could possibly explain my quirks, heritage and potential genetic health conditions.

@ParkCrescent sorry can't link, but it's on YouTube and called Saudi Children Left Behind.
I hope you get some closure 💐

@Lesschubtolove @imlateasusual
Many thanks x

Thanks for the thread OP 💐

I can see why that makes you emotional.

One thing I have a question about - he said that Allah was in control, I inferred of all of his creation. So why the existence of Evil? As Catholics, it's explained away by human kind having free will, so we can choose to commit bad acts, but that doesn't give much free will to the victims, does it? It does make me rather cross, that this is then explained away by those innocent people who are injured in who can even imagine what sort of ways, will go to God more quickly - less time in Purgatory. I can't get myself to accept this as a reasonable or rational explanation. So that's Catholics (and probably all Christians).

What is Islam's explanation? I bet it's essentially the same (not trying to be rude, but would honestly like to know).

I really am grateful that you're taking the time to answer all these questions so graciously and helpfully. My dd was engaged to a Muslim, who was charming and lovely and everything you could wish for in a son-in-law, honestly pretty wonderful he was, well still is. I still have hopes that it was meant to be and so will happen one day......!

That's as far as I've managed to read so far, so you may have answewred it already, if so just say so, I'll get to it!

It’s really difficult isn’t it, the problem of evil. For me horrible horrible things like childhood cancer shake me like that. So there is the free will too for the actions of others and a heavy emphasis on justice and Allah holding those who transgress to account. Bad things tend to be viewed as a test, a lesson or sometimes something that’s erasing past sins (sort of like an earthly punishment, but that should be viewed as a good thing as a test or punishment In this life is better than the next) but we don’t know which is which so it’s why patience is important islamically.

there’s quite a famous hadith that says “Nothing befalls a believer, a (prick of a) thorn or more than that, but Allaah will raise him one degree in status thereby, or erase a bad deed”

That's so like the Catholicism I grew up with!

Yes one's own sorrows are a test, but the innocent child suffering from that cancer? Is God/Allah punishing their soul so that they can see him more quickly? What about the children who are irrevocably and permanently damaged by abuse, particularly by their parents or people they should be able to trust? There is no justice for that on this earth, so that child has to live their whole life with the awful awful damage done them and the misery that will cause, not just to themselves but quite possibly others, for their whole lives? That's to atone for sins committed in another life, of which they know nothing? Catholicism doesn't have past lives so has even less of an answer than Islam, btw, just falls back on the old "God moves in mysterious ways his marvels to perform" so at least Islam does better than that.

Actually, I've just considered whether that really is better? Is it better to be thrown back onto one's own strength of faith like Catholics, or is it better to proffer (yet) another explanation in a series of explanations? (which will obviously end in throwing you back onto your own strength of faith)? I have no idea, though would prefer whichever is shorter, gets to the end of an endless series of questions even if it's not actually an answer.

Sorry to keep on ....

It gets easier and easier to see why Lewis Carroll said that it doesn't really matter what you call Him, what matters most is the strength of your Faith in Him. A position I was lucky enough to be brought up with.

I’ve just read a poor woman’s thread on wearing a burquini in public and most people have been lovely however it’s shone a light on actually how many incorrect assumptions there are floating around about Muslim women…

for that reason I’m reviving this thread if anyone has anything that they’d like to clear up or say or ask or whatever. I’ll do my best

I have another one. This may sound stupid but here goes….

Do you actually believe that Allah is real? And if so, where is he, what is he? What about other gods? How do you explain them?

Also, what’s your opinion of the burka or niqab? To me, they both feel very demeaning to women. Head coverings/more general modesty seem tame in comparison to those.

Yes of course we believe Allah is real, but a being that we can’t even conceive of, so not like a big cartoon father like figure sitting on a cloud. There’s actually a really strong debate as to ‘where’ Allah is, whether he sits on the throne in the 7th heaven or is above the throne. Personally I don’t think it matters too much, but that’s my personal opinion. Islamically other gods don’t exist, they are false idols and shaytaan or satan or the devil leading people astray. The god of the Jews, Christians and Muslims is the same god theologically speaking.

well the burqa is a cultural item pretty much exclusive to Afghanistan and certain areas of Pakistan. That’s a more difficult one because of the taliban and the very dire conditions women live in there.

the niqab, so thats the black face covering. Let’s leave out countries like saudi where it was culturally enforced (not by law, but it was the given thing and the religious police did police womens dress). So let’s start with the majority consensus, so there isn’t one, the scholars are divided whether a woman needs to cover her face, so the correct opinion therefore becomes she doesn’t have to put it’s recommended, especially if she is beautiful. Now here I think it’s stretching what the Quran says about drawing your veil over your bosom to mean cover your face… but I’m not fluent in quranic arabic. In the west, i think it would be very very difficult to cover your face and hold down a job, Middle East it’s a different question but here, it would be preventive. Do I think that should be the case? No, maybe we should challenge our assumptions about niqabi women.
I have heard of very educated women decide to wear the face veil, and they’ve cited feminist reasons for doing so as well as getting closer to god. So they’ve said that our western society objectifies women so much, and to such an extent that they wanted to take all of that out of the equation and have people physically not be able to see their body or face, just so others would have to focus on what they have to say. Whether you (or I) agree with that, it was clear to me that there are some women that make a very conscious choice to wear the face veil and definitely do not see it as oppressive.

hope that answers your question for you :)

Thanks for answering my questions. I know the first one might have seemed silly but I’m interested because I have no belief like that. So I can’t quite imagine really really believing in any kind of god. And I’m interested how there can be different religions that all 100% believe that their god/s are real. I sort of wondered if people might follow a religion for cultural reasons but not actually believe in god. (Although I have to admit that the Big Bang also sounds pretty implausible even tho that’s ultimately what I believe in.)

Thank you for your other answer too. I understand that individual women may feel empowered by what they wear but I don’t think I could ever quite get behind women covering up so much. I kind of feel similar about some women feeling like they have to wear hardly any clothes or super low cut tops. It’s all the ‘male gaze’ dictating what women wear. Although I know it’s different in that it’s written in the Quran whereas low-cut tops and tiny skirts aren’t!

Anyway, thanks for doing the AMA.

people can definitely be culturally Muslim, many many many Muslims are, in the same way a lot of people are culturally Christian :)

i guess each religions followers have to believe that they have the correct one, or else there would be no point lol