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Original poster

My Ds has been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 years

258 replies

Sammysees · 17/02/2023 21:24

I know there has been previous threads on this topic. I thought you may have questions about what it’s like for a parent with a child (young adult) in long term psychiatric care. AMA.

OP posts:
HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 17/02/2023 22:47

OP how on earth did he end up with a custodial sentence? Surely the court etc realised what he was going through?

bigbird50 · 17/02/2023 22:47

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Teenagehorrorbag · 17/02/2023 22:48

Veryverycalmnow · 17/02/2023 22:21

What advice would you give parents of a high functioning, intelligent 6 year old DS currently being assessed for ASD and struggling a little bit, mainly socially at school? I know everyone has a different path, but your son's story resonates as I see how schools are dealing with bullying (or not) and it is only getting worse.

@veryverycalmnow with the greatest respect I think you might be better talking to people on a different chat - I expect there is one here for special needs?

I also have a son with ASD and ADHD, but unless they also have severe anxiety and depression as with OP's son, I'm not sure comparisons are helpful. That's not to say our DSs may not end up with other issues over time, but this probably isn't the thread for general discussions.

Our children all struggle socially, and most get bullied to some extent at school - it's heartbreaking, and goes with the territory. But some struggle much more, and depression and self harm rates are known to be high risk factors for autistic children. Please access all the support you can from local groups, but try not to panic too much about how your DS will be as an adult - they are all very different, with differing challenges and needs. My DS has come on hugely since primary, and as a teenager, seems to be coping fairly well. Fingers crossed!

Wishing you and your DS all the best!

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:48

TheShellBeach · 17/02/2023 22:40

Hi OP. I'm sorry that you and your son are in this position.
Is your son in a secure unit for offenders? Or are his fellow patients a mix of the typical people who are in psychiatric hospitals?

It is a forensic hospital but there is a mix of people from prisoners to people who are a danger to themselves and to others.

OP posts:
DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:50

I’m Autistic and there is a lot of very distasteful rhetoric in this thread.

I just want to say, Autistic people who have been institutionalised have written accounts of what they endured or continue to endure. If you truly need to know about this scenario for personal reasons then I urge you to find Autistic voices and experiences to learn from.

Gagaandgag · 17/02/2023 22:50

I feel for you, my older brother (also with autism) was in the same situation at 22.
He is 44 now and is in a much better place - has lived in supported housing for a good few years. He is on medication which works for him. Has friends, hobbies etc.
My parents have found this journey heartbreaking but things are the most stable now than they ever have been.

My own son is autistic and we home educate him. I am very mindful of what the future could potentially hold

sending love

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:51

Partyandbullshit · 17/02/2023 22:40

I’m so sorry to hear about your son OP. Every system he’s been in hasn’t been right for him, perhaps now with the exception of the NHS’s secure unit.

I sometimes look at my much younger son, who I can’t fathom, and wonder whether he’d be happier living a different life in a different country. He just doesn’t seem suited to institutions, the school year, the rigidity of children’s lives these days, indoor living etc. I feel he’d be happier living to sustain himself only, with anything else (friendships etc) a bonus. Do you feel that way for your son, ever? Wish that you could take him away to somewhere better suited to him?

Absolutely! He is terrified of people. A cabin in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nature would be perfect.

OP posts:
Lavenderzen · 17/02/2023 22:52

Just wanted to send you some support Sammysees, I recognise how very, very hard this is for you. I have been there with my daughter. Take care, try and look after yourself xx

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:53

FoxFeatures · 17/02/2023 22:43

I don't have a question but just huge admiration for you OP and all the other parents on this thread. You are remarkable. 💐

Thank you. You are very kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:55

Icedlatteplease · 17/02/2023 22:45

I also wanted to know this so thank you. Has he been in the same place all those years?

Show quote history

Yes the same place. I am glad he is where he is. From what I can gather it is one of the better places.

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 17/02/2023 22:55

DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:50

I’m Autistic and there is a lot of very distasteful rhetoric in this thread.

I just want to say, Autistic people who have been institutionalised have written accounts of what they endured or continue to endure. If you truly need to know about this scenario for personal reasons then I urge you to find Autistic voices and experiences to learn from.

I'm not sure this is the right place for whst you have posted.

DS is 15 has ASD but is also very mentally unwell and actually also quite dangerous. I've spent nearly a year trying to keep him at home and get appropriate treatment for him. Despite the fact he is now getting treatment he is still very very ill and his doctors are recommending admission

I don't need any more guilt about what we have tried and failed to achieve

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:56

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 17/02/2023 22:47

OP how on earth did he end up with a custodial sentence? Surely the court etc realised what he was going through?

I’ve asked myself this a million times. He was let down very badly by his legal team.

OP posts:
ComeTheFckOnBridget · 17/02/2023 22:57

DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:50

I’m Autistic and there is a lot of very distasteful rhetoric in this thread.

I just want to say, Autistic people who have been institutionalised have written accounts of what they endured or continue to endure. If you truly need to know about this scenario for personal reasons then I urge you to find Autistic voices and experiences to learn from.

Most of the posts seem overwhelmingly sensitive and compassionate? I've read only one which was distasteful

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:57

This reply has been deleted

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Anxiety and depression.

OP posts:
DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:58

This reply has been deleted

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CaraVann · 17/02/2023 22:58

Do you have a partner? Do you have any support for you op? You must have been through hell and back, I am so sorry your ds didn’t get the support when he needed it the most.
I am 50 and believe I have undiagnosed autism. I have truly found live very difficult at times.
My dd14 is on the waiting list for an assessment, she struggles with school and they do little to help despite my constant meetings with them.
Our 13 year old niece has autism and was so bullied at school she is now home schooled and very isolated.
I really hope you have support for you too OP.

Gagaandgag · 17/02/2023 22:58

Icedlatteplease · 17/02/2023 22:55

I'm not sure this is the right place for whst you have posted.

DS is 15 has ASD but is also very mentally unwell and actually also quite dangerous. I've spent nearly a year trying to keep him at home and get appropriate treatment for him. Despite the fact he is now getting treatment he is still very very ill and his doctors are recommending admission

I don't need any more guilt about what we have tried and failed to achieve

Show quote history

Yes I totally agree. My brother was incredibly unwell. My parents made themselves also incredibly unwell trying everything they could to help him.

we are doing everything we can to safeguard our own son but sadly he has deteriorated and tries to self harm

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 22:59

Teenagehorrorbag · 17/02/2023 22:48

@veryverycalmnow with the greatest respect I think you might be better talking to people on a different chat - I expect there is one here for special needs?

I also have a son with ASD and ADHD, but unless they also have severe anxiety and depression as with OP's son, I'm not sure comparisons are helpful. That's not to say our DSs may not end up with other issues over time, but this probably isn't the thread for general discussions.

Our children all struggle socially, and most get bullied to some extent at school - it's heartbreaking, and goes with the territory. But some struggle much more, and depression and self harm rates are known to be high risk factors for autistic children. Please access all the support you can from local groups, but try not to panic too much about how your DS will be as an adult - they are all very different, with differing challenges and needs. My DS has come on hugely since primary, and as a teenager, seems to be coping fairly well. Fingers crossed!

Wishing you and your DS all the best!

Show quote history

Thank you and I hope your ds continues to be happy. All the very best to you.

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 17/02/2023 23:00

DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:50

I’m Autistic and there is a lot of very distasteful rhetoric in this thread.

I just want to say, Autistic people who have been institutionalised have written accounts of what they endured or continue to endure. If you truly need to know about this scenario for personal reasons then I urge you to find Autistic voices and experiences to learn from.

Thank you for commenting. As a mother of an autistic son I would always want to get things 'right' if I can, might you be able to expand on what has been said that was distasteful?

I personally (at the moment - although who knows what the future holds) don't need to know the details of OPs situation, but as a parent of a teen I doubt I'm alone in considering all the 'what ifs?' that go alongside that. Are you able to signpost us to information that might be helpful? I think most of us will take all the advice/support available, and would also welcome informed views on anything we should challenge? Thank you.

Icedlatteplease · 17/02/2023 23:00

XenoBitch · 17/02/2023 22:12

Do you think it is the best place for him?
People say that autism is not an MH issue, so why would anyone be in hospital for it? It can not be treated or fixed.

People with autism can also have mental health difficulties. I think it's very clear that that is the case for the OP

rogueone · 17/02/2023 23:01

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Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 23:02

DiastasisRectiSucks · 17/02/2023 22:50

I’m Autistic and there is a lot of very distasteful rhetoric in this thread.

I just want to say, Autistic people who have been institutionalised have written accounts of what they endured or continue to endure. If you truly need to know about this scenario for personal reasons then I urge you to find Autistic voices and experiences to learn from.

I think autism can be very difficult to understand. Every autistic person is different - just like any neuro typical person is. They all have their own challenges and differences. I am trying to answer the questions as honestly as I can but, of course, it is from my perspective.

OP posts:
tricky29 · 17/02/2023 23:04

It will probably sound like an empty, stupid question but what support do you receive? It must be very hard for you. Often the situation/diagnosis is all anyone sees, for the the person it’s great but it doesn’t always make anything better, it just gives it a name.

I hope you have people propping you you x

Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 23:04

Gagaandgag · 17/02/2023 22:50

I feel for you, my older brother (also with autism) was in the same situation at 22.
He is 44 now and is in a much better place - has lived in supported housing for a good few years. He is on medication which works for him. Has friends, hobbies etc.
My parents have found this journey heartbreaking but things are the most stable now than they ever have been.

My own son is autistic and we home educate him. I am very mindful of what the future could potentially hold

sending love

That is so lovely to read! I’m so glad your brother is stable. And that he has friends, and life. That is so good to hear. Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammysees · 17/02/2023 23:05

Lavenderzen · 17/02/2023 22:52

Just wanted to send you some support Sammysees, I recognise how very, very hard this is for you. I have been there with my daughter. Take care, try and look after yourself xx

Thank you so much Flowers

OP posts: