My teenage son died - AMA

[aloneinthenight]

My son died from cancer when he was 14.

We are so bad at handling grief in the UK.

People never know what to say, and feel uncomfortable, or worry about getting things wrong.

So ask me anything you like and I promise I won't mind.

That reminds Me of my Aunt and Christmas Cards
My cousin died when we were both 17, a long time ago now, but to this very Day she puts 4 kisses on said cards. They are from Her, her daughter, her surviving Son and Chaz.

(((Huge Hugs)))

Thank you for your post about cancer being a fight / battle / warrior against it etc. I loathe that language.

Bil died leaving behind 3 children. I was there overnight when he died with my 16 year old nephew and my sister. The 16 year old was the eldest of the 3. He helped carry the coffin.

Two other friends died of cancer too. Both with primary aged dc.

To imply cancer is something people battle against and survive due to how hard they choose to fight implies that everyone else didn’t fight hard enough.

so sorry for your loss. Just yesterday - 5 years on now- I shared some photos of his dad with my nephew. His name is said frequently.

OP my brother died when he was 19 and I was 20. It was one of the hardest moments of my life. It was nearly 10 years ago now but it really doesn't feel it at all. I can't describe how many of your replies I resonate with. Our sister was 7 when he died and Winston's Wish was incredibly helpful, I'm sure you've heard of it though. They provided her with a brilliant memory book she still has.
The best description of grief I had was the wave analogy. When it happens you're completely under water, than after a while you manage to get out but you keep getting swept away in rip currents, after a while you're standing at the shore with stormy waves. The waves never get smaller, you just get further and further away from shore. It wasn't until about 6 years after his death that I felt I wasn't being pulled in by rip currents. I've never left the beach though. Most of the time I'm fine now but there are days when the wave reaches me and hits me out of nowhere and I'm a mess. It's strange when people say it gets better, every time the wave hits me it's just as bad, it's just not happening as often. Maybe that's what they mean. I don't feel like I'm drowning. My mum hasn't been the same, none of us have, but she's finally sought external help and is getting further away from the waves. I hope your family gets to that point too. It's much easier to enjoy life when you're not always choking from a wave, covered in salty water and sand.

This has made me tear up - I can't imagine. I am so sorry for your loss.