Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AMA
Original poster

Is this strange? Or are the kids right in supporting their mum? Should the one with the kids also support?

32 replies

Kardelen · 26/01/2023 15:53

Hi, just a quick question.
this lady in her 50s has 4 sons, 3 of them working full time and other part time. She currently lives with 3 sons and one daughter in law. The fourth son (eldest) is also married but lives with the wife and kid elsewhere. He also has another baby on the way, so his wife is on maternity leave. He doesn’t have a great income, and the wife will use her savings towards her costs when on mat leave. They will split the rest like grocery, rent etc.

however, his siblings are telling him to contribute towards their bills/grocery mums needs too and he feels obliged to. Reason being is, his mum does not want to work (never worked), and they cut her benefits. The majority of people living in the household has good income, better than the one living out.

does kids have obligation to support a parent financially, and should the one that’s moved out with kids be obliged to support in the same way?

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 26/01/2023 15:57

No and no

PuttingDownRoots · 26/01/2023 15:58

The ones at home should pay rent and towards bills. (This is presumably why the benefits were cut.. the other adults in the household!)

The one not at home needs to pay his own housing and bills.

ARoughRide · 26/01/2023 16:00

The people who live in the house should pay the bills.
’D’M should, if she is physically/mentally able to work, get a job.
Son who lives elsewhere should NOT pay towards a house he doesn’t live in.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/01/2023 16:02

She's lazy and sponging off her kids.

Original poster
Kardelen · 26/01/2023 18:24

it’s hard as the one that lives out still wants to contribute

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 26/01/2023 18:27

It’s not hard unless he’s loaded? His responsibility is to his children financially. Of course if he’s sitting on thousands of pounds and earning a fortune it might be nice to help his mum out but not if his kids will suffer because of it.

Mawface · 26/01/2023 18:33

She should get off her arsenal and get a job then?

Mawface · 26/01/2023 18:33

Mawface · 26/01/2023 18:33

She should get off her arsenal and get a job then?

Arse* 😤

SeasonFinale · 26/01/2023 18:36

I think you posted before? The answer is still no

hothands · 26/01/2023 18:46

Have you posted about this before? Is it the woman whose husband left her and now expects her children to contribute because of cultural expectations?

PatriciaHolm · 26/01/2023 18:46

OP has posted about this situation a number of times.

Jellykat · 26/01/2023 18:48

No way the son with his own financial responsibilities, shouldnt contribute!

Theres enough siblings at mums house to pay, plus mum needs to pull her weight too, lazy cow.. appalling situation.

Can the son not at home contribute (as he wants to) with a bit of time for things like cutting the lawn, taking her out occasionally etc?

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 18:49

the Mum should get a job

MrsMikeDrop · 26/01/2023 18:52

Kardelen · 26/01/2023 18:24

it’s hard as the one that lives out still wants to contribute

Well if he wants to, then it's up to him? He doesn't have to though, and from what PP have said it's probably the other adults living there that has caused benefits to be cut

TimeForMeToF1y · 26/01/2023 18:55

The mum is a lazy sponger, she should get a job

FourTeaFallOut · 26/01/2023 18:57

There comes a point when you'll have to accept that this is what he does, regardless of how reasonable or unreasonable people believe it to be. If complaining about the situation was going to fix it then you'd have it nailed by now.

DuplicateUserName · 26/01/2023 18:58

Is this a cultural thing?

Either way, it's still a no from me.

ManyNameChanges · 26/01/2023 19:10

No the one who lives out shouldn’t contribute.
Probably wanting to do so out if guilt and feeling like he should too because the other siblings are ‘helping her’.

Other siblings living at home should contribute ‘rent money’ to pay for tge accommodation/food/heating etc….
They shouldn’t be paying fir their mum to avoid working.

Only situation where I would understand them helping out is some underlying health issues, mental or physical.

Why are the 3 siblings still living ‘at home’ if they earn good money?

BliainNua · 26/01/2023 19:16

I think you've posted before and this family set up (if I'm right, your the DiL whose DH doesn't live at home). The DC, who are all adults!, should be the ones that pay for where they live. Your DH supports you & your family, there's 3 other adults to pay towards the other household.

Rogue1001MNer · 26/01/2023 19:19

I also think this sounds familiar.

And why post in this section?

Timeforachangeisitnot · 26/01/2023 19:26

Can the one who lives out support his own family? Are his own family finances such that he and his wife each have spare cash to do with as they please each month?
if it’s the latter, he can spend that money on his lazy-ass mother if he wishes. But if he needs his wife to subsidise that endeavour, or he cannot, in fact, pay his share into the family finances then he needs to say no.
if he has his own DC , they come first. Always.

larchforest · 26/01/2023 19:26

Once you have moved out and have your own home and family, then you would have to be an idiot to want to contribute to your parent's living costs when there are several other employed adult family members who are actually living with the parent.

Xrays · 26/01/2023 19:27

This is about your dh?

No.

Bluebellbike · 26/01/2023 19:29

Kardelen · 26/01/2023 15:53

Hi, just a quick question.
this lady in her 50s has 4 sons, 3 of them working full time and other part time. She currently lives with 3 sons and one daughter in law. The fourth son (eldest) is also married but lives with the wife and kid elsewhere. He also has another baby on the way, so his wife is on maternity leave. He doesn’t have a great income, and the wife will use her savings towards her costs when on mat leave. They will split the rest like grocery, rent etc.

however, his siblings are telling him to contribute towards their bills/grocery mums needs too and he feels obliged to. Reason being is, his mum does not want to work (never worked), and they cut her benefits. The majority of people living in the household has good income, better than the one living out.

does kids have obligation to support a parent financially, and should the one that’s moved out with kids be obliged to support in the same way?

Why is this in AMA? What sort of questions are you expecting?

socialmedia23 · 26/01/2023 19:34

larchforest · 26/01/2023 19:26

Once you have moved out and have your own home and family, then you would have to be an idiot to want to contribute to your parent's living costs when there are several other employed adult family members who are actually living with the parent.

it sounds crazy when you have a welfare state but in my home country, its normal for people to contribute 5% to 20% of their salaries or their parents' living costs (even when not living with parents). the trade off is lower taxes.

my DH is paying 40% as a higher rate taxpayer despite being an average earner in London. As it is, childcare would be more expensive than what my MIL earns in 1 month. Logically, it would be much cheaper to pay for my MIL's £300 mortgage, her modest food costs and bills, and even my SIL's medical bills than to pay the tax we do. Its a different set up here but paying for parents rather than having a welfare state would work out cheaper for most middle earners. The welfare state set up is nice if we can afford it (and I argue we still can for now), but what is the worst of both worlds is if we have a barely functioning welfare state and the expectation that poor family members need to support themselves. This just leads to unnecessary misery and it is not reflective of the times.