Is this strange? Or are the kids right in supporting their mum? Should the one with the kids also support?

[Kardelen]

Hi, just a quick question.
this lady in her 50s has 4 sons, 3 of them working full time and other part time. She currently lives with 3 sons and one daughter in law. The fourth son (eldest) is also married but lives with the wife and kid elsewhere. He also has another baby on the way, so his wife is on maternity leave. He doesn’t have a great income, and the wife will use her savings towards her costs when on mat leave. They will split the rest like grocery, rent etc.

however, his siblings are telling him to contribute towards their bills/grocery mums needs too and he feels obliged to. Reason being is, his mum does not want to work (never worked), and they cut her benefits. The majority of people living in the household has good income, better than the one living out.

does kids have obligation to support a parent financially, and should the one that’s moved out with kids be obliged to support in the same way?

Why did they decide to have another child if he is on such a low income and has already made the decision to help his Dm out financially. Which should be a joint decision, not just his, it's family money. Did they do the sums before getting pregnant to work out if it's all feasible?

The ones living with the Mum should be paying enough in rent that she isn't depending on the other one for money. And she could get a part-time job easily.

I see your point, but in this specific instance the parent is refusing to work and has had her benefits cut as a result. There are also several other people living with her who actually earn more than their sibling who has his own home, wife on maternity leave and a baby on the way.

Why does this parent need any financial contribution from this adult child at all? There are plenty of other people who should be contributing to most, if not all of her bills, since they are actually living in her home and are benefiting from that.

I've just noticed that your MiL is in her 50s - I'm almost that myself and with 2 children who are not adults, so I have to work full-time. Sounds like she doesn't want to work / doesn't think she should have to, which is her decision - but she can't expect others / the state to support her forever, when she can work now. There are 3 other adults to pay the bills, they all live there so it's their cost.

The elder mother needs to take responsibility for herself. The other members of that household are also perfectly capable of paying the bills.

the couple living independently with children can obviously not afford to be supporting another household. The woman having a baby should be asking herself why she is depleting her savings to cover the costs of a shared child. Is the father also depleting his savings to pay for his baby? If not, that is the real problem here.

Well it depends on your cultural norms doesn't it? There is no one right answer. In the UK its not typical for children to support their parents financially, in Nigeria or China it would be unthinkable not to (and not just parents either).

Like PP said it depends on your culture. In mine it would be considered normal and expected. So if you've married into this then YABU, but if you're white British, then yes that would be unusual and YANBU.

In saying that all families are different, so in my family personally this would also be unusual now (although my father did this for his family when his father passed away because he felt obligated). It really depends on the context.