I’ve got BPD - AMA

[BPDama]

NC but regular user.

I have a diagnosis of BPD/EUPD. I use the terms interchangeably. I see it mentioned on here and talked about in many contexts and there is a lack of understanding around what having it entails so ask away if you’re curious

[Wakemeup17]

Did you have any therapy for it?

[BPDama]

@Wakemeup17

Did you have any therapy for it?

Yes. Luckily I was able to afford private therapy so I chose psychodynamic therapy which is the type that delves into your childhood. I did it for three years. I fought for years to try and get something more intense than CBT on the NHS but it seems to be a postcode lottery whether they offer anything else. I personally found therapy very effective in challenging my emotional impulses and “wrong” thought patterns and behaviours. I genuinely feel like a different person now.

[WindowsSmindows]

Would you agree that "woman with BPD" = woman with trauma.
If you agree: is that always the case, usually the case or just sometimes the case?

[BPDama]

@WindowsSmindows

Would you agree that "woman with BPD" = woman with trauma.
If you agree: is that always the case, usually the case or just sometimes the case?

Yes, I think that’s largely the case for everyone with BPD whether they’re male or female, although women are more likely to be diagnosed with it which could be interpreted as bias/sexism in psychiatry. I tend to agree with the thinking that BPD is a manifestation of trauma/abandonment - that can take many forms so one person’s trauma won’t be the same as another’s.

[tearsandtiaras]

I have it too- its incredibly difficult at the beginning of diagnosis. How long was it until you felt better?

[pilates]

Has anyone else in your family got the same?

[Lj8893]

How did you get a diagnosis?
Im not feeling “well” and all my symptoms lead to BPD, I don’t know if having a diagnosis will help or not?

[Lj8893]

Hmm reading the comments I don’t think I have suffered any abandonment or trauma, or not that I have been affected by anyway.

[BPDama]

@tearsandtiaras

I have it too- its incredibly difficult at the beginning of diagnosis. How long was it until you felt better?

I actually had it the other way around. I was feeling awful before diagnosis and had a particularly bad whirlwind relationship (all my past relationships were short and disastrous but this one really traumatised me) and basically begged my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist. I’d been researching BPD myself and suspected I might have it. After talking for a long time the psychiatrist said they thought I was displaying BPD behaviours. It was a lightbulb moment. I suddenly felt like it wasn’t my fault that my emotions were so difficult, it was something ingrained and subconscious in me. I felt immediate relief that I now has a framework to start understanding and changing my brain.

[BPDama]

@pilates

Has anyone else in your family got the same?

My dad has mental health issues as a result of an abusive childhood but he’s never been officially diagnosed with anything because he won’t seek help beyond going on antidepressants. Wouldn’t surprise me if he had PTSD or a personality disorder

[BPDama]

@Lj8893

How did you get a diagnosis?
Im not feeling “well” and all my symptoms lead to BPD, I don’t know if having a diagnosis will help or not?

basically I reached my late 20s with a string of short, intense, toxic relationships behind me and I was in despair, I felt so resentful and baffled that other people seemingly got into healthy, long and pleasant relationships so easily and all of mine were a short lived bin fire. I couldn’t work out why it kept happening. After a particularly bad one I started doing my own research and came across BPD. I was feeling suicidal at this point and managed to get a referral to a psychiatrist where I explained everything including my emotional responses, which were overwhelming and often disproportionate. I said I’d looked up BPD and the psychiatrist said i fitted the criteria. My trauma is an avoidant and emotionally damaged dad and the unhealthy model of attachment I was shown as a child.

[EarlyInTheMorning]

I read somewhere that sometimes people get a diagnoses of BPD/EUPD but it can be trauma caused by undiagnosed autism. What are your thoughts on this?

[XenoBitch]

Have you been treated differently in other areas of healthcare due to your BPD? Even when you are getting treatment for something that is nothing to do with mental health.

[MisschiefMaker]

Can you go into more detail about how it manifested itself? I have read your answers but I guess I mean more specific examples as what you wrote is quite high level

[MamaNell]

@BPDama it's heartening that you seem to be healing from your trauma and learning ways to cope with your diagnosis. Your description of your relationships as a 'short lived bin fire' made me smile, you are eloquent

[BPDama]

@EarlyInTheMorning

I read somewhere that sometimes people get a diagnoses of BPD/EUPD but it can be trauma caused by undiagnosed autism. What are your thoughts on this?

I think that’s very possible. I’m sure many people have been misdiagnosed with BPD because it’s a bit of a catch-all term for behaviours that have trauma at the root. I wouldn’t be surprised if I fit a neurodiverse diagnosis but I do think my upbringing and the parenting I experienced led to a kind of malfunction in my brain in the way I formed relationships. Even though BPD is imperfect as a concept I still found it helpful as a framework from which to improve and recover.

[BPDama]

@XenoBitch

Have you been treated differently in other areas of healthcare due to your BPD? Even when you are getting treatment for something that is nothing to do with mental health.

Personally no I haven’t, but I have read about other people who feel they’ve faced stigma and stereotyping because of it. I think I’m lucky to have a high level of self awareness and ability to advocate for myself

[BPDama]

@MamaNell

@BPDama it's heartening that you seem to be healing from your trauma and learning ways to cope with your diagnosis. Your description of your relationships as a 'short lived bin fire' made me smile, you are eloquent

Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say. I really do feel like I’m a very different person since my diagnosis

[BPDama]

@MisschiefMaker

Can you go into more detail about how it manifested itself? I have read your answers but I guess I mean more specific examples as what you wrote is quite high level

Sure. So it only really manifested in romantic relationships. I’d get very intensely into people super quickly. I’d become paranoid if they didn’t text back for a while and the anxiety that would cause was absolutely paralysing, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on work, friends, anything else in life.

I’d act on impulse and say things I’d later regret when I’d calmed down, like quizzing someone I was dating on how they felt about me or starting arguments. I have an incredibly vindictive streak. In arguments I’d say the nastiest things I could think of because I wanted to cause maximum hurt. But I genuinely thought that was normal and what everyone did when they were angry and not be able to empathise with why someone else couldn’t just get over it when we made up.

I was very drawn to other people with past trauma. I found stable people with nice family backgrounds dull and and unattractive and I’d often find with people who had trauma, we’d talk about it openly and deeply very quickly and bond over that, but the relationship would be very unhealthy. I’d be obsessive and intense too quickly and they’d pull away and it would lead to explosive arguments. I once punched someone in the face when they dumped me (to give context, they had lovebombed me and then did a complete 360 and blamed me for the relationship going too quickly which was untrue, so I was absolutely enraged). I really regret that and think it’s despicable behaviour.

I also find it really easy to cut people off if they piss me off. Not romantic partners, I found it really hard to dump people even when they were treating me terribly. But friends - if someone isn’t putting in as much effort as I do to to the friendship or says or does something hurtful I just ghost them. I have pretty black and white feelings and don’t put up with what I perceive as bad or uncaring behaviour (which is ironic as I was a nightmare to date before therapy. I’m not surprised I got dumped so much).

[EarlyInTheMorning]

You say that your self awareness and therapy have helped you navigate the symptoms. Can you say a bit more about what specifically has helped you?

[fantasmasgoria1]

I have BPD, anxiety, depression etc. It took years to get a diagnosis. I was fobbed off by services for many years and at the age of 38 I finally got the diagnosis after being admitted to hospital. I had many assessments with cmht and every time I was told it's depression you can continue with anti depressants with your go. Go to iapt and get 8 sessions of CBT. This did precisely nothing. I always knew there was more going on. I have self harmed an awful lot and have od'd many times. Once I was in a hospital bay and an HCA came around with tea and biscuits I said I would like tea and he gave me the dirtiest look and shoved the tea at me. He gave everyone else tea and biscuits with a smile. I reported him the next day. I have had psychodynamic therapy and will be starting it again from scratch in the next few months. It's a very debilitating illness . A professor of psychiatry told me because I was diagnosed so late I would always meet the criteria and ten years on he was right.

[Stopclutchingpearls]

I have bpd I was told by psychologist that people with bpd are born with a gene now they may not develop bpd but if they have had trauma etc or abuse as a kid that can switch this gene on and then you get bpd. Yes it can be inherited to as it’s a gene. Got dbt on the nhs but I found it far too much twice a week a lot of seminar paper work it was to much for now I just understand stuff but prob don’t control my out bursts as much as I should

[Stopclutchingpearls]

@fantasmasgoria1

I have BPD, anxiety, depression etc. It took years to get a diagnosis. I was fobbed off by services for many years and at the age of 38 I finally got the diagnosis after being admitted to hospital. I had many assessments with cmht and every time I was told it's depression you can continue with anti depressants with your go. Go to iapt and get 8 sessions of CBT. This did precisely nothing. I always knew there was more going on. I have self harmed an awful lot and have od'd many times. Once I was in a hospital bay and an HCA came around with tea and biscuits I said I would like tea and he gave me the dirtiest look and shoved the tea at me. He gave everyone else tea and biscuits with a smile. I reported him the next day. I have had psychodynamic therapy and will be starting it again from scratch in the next few months. It's a very debilitating illness . A professor of psychiatry told me because I was diagnosed so late I would always meet the criteria and ten years on he was right.

Have you done DBT yet I did six months but I found it to much as I have a physical difficulty to

[senior30]

How do you think your loved ones could’ve approached you to discuss before diagnosis? I see so many traits in my partner but don’t know how to sensitively raise it with him

[Stopclutchingpearls]

@senior30

How do you think your loved ones could’ve approached you to discuss before diagnosis? I see so many traits in my partner but don’t know how to sensitively raise it with him

There’s some good you tube stuff there’s a lady with bpd on there and explains stuff and I found it answered stuff maybe show him video and ask him what he thinks etc.