I was diagnosed with ADHD at 43 - AMA

[ADHDat43]

As the title states: I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 43. Whenever I tell anyone, especially other women around my age, I am bombarded with questions so I thought it might be a useful topic for an AMA thread.
A little background: my son was diagnosed at age 6, and it was a bit of a surprise. His teachers identified that he 'learned differently' and asked me to take him to a paediatrician to explore this. I was not expecting a diagnosis of ADHD, as he didn't seem to fit what I understood ADHD to look like. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD as a child in the 1990s, and he was a textbook hyperactive kid, colouring my understanding of what ADHD is. My son is quiet and certainly not physically hyperactive, so ADHD had not been on my radar. I was a little embarrassed, as I am a medical professional myself (although no longer in clinical practice) and had not seen this in my own child. I then began to learn as much as I could to support him and make learning easier for him.
Over the years, and as my son matured, I began to see similarities between his and my behaviour and coping strategies. A few times I found myself joking 'oh gosh, I must have ADHD!' One of my girlfriends was diagnosed at age 48, and talking to her made a few more little lightbulbs flicker in my brain. Not long after our chat I had a conversation with my boss who told me he felt I was disorganised, left everything to the last minute, wasn't good at replying to emails in a timely manner, lost track of work threads, and relied on my colleagues to save my bacon at the last minute (there was plenty of wonderful feedback too! Generally I do very well at work, and hold a senior executive position). Much of this echoed my friend's experiences, and reflected the reasons she had sought diagnosis. This was the point where I started to seriously consider that maybe I did have ADHD, and I decided to explore assessment.
I asked my GP to refer me to a psychiatrist who was well regarded for addressing symptoms of ADHD in professional women. He had a waitlist of about eight months. While I was waiting for my appointment I read more and more about ADHD in women and realised it was highly likely I did indeed fulfil the diagnostic criteria. Even so, it was a huge relief when he gave me a clear and certain diagnosis. I am now taking methlyphenidate (Ritalin) and finding it supremely helpful, but do feel that the biggest help has been accepting the diagnosis and understanding why I have struggled with certain things my entire life.
ADHD in women doesn't necessarily look anything like the stereotypical societal understanding. If I can answer any questions I am happy to do so.

what are the changes you have seen from taking ritalin?

Can you tell us a bit more about how your son learns differently?

And what are the sort of things you've struggled with that you can now make better sense of because of your ADHD diagnosis? I'm really curious as I think I might have ADHD (I'm a woman in my 30s)

I find it helps me to stay on track when I a list of things to do. It helps me say 'okay first I'll complete this task, then I'll finish off task two, then start task three' and actually stick to it, rather than become distracted. It also helps to maintain mental energy all day, so I don't have a big cognitive slump in the afternoon.

Who diagnosed you?

My ex has adhd and was the typical "naughty boy" when my dd was about 15 I was researching adhd/asd and realised she probably has it. She's massively disorganised, leaves things till last minute, talks lots, needs lots of attention , struggles with others getting attention even on their birthday etc. struggles socially. Very messy (she's an adult now) we considered diagnosis referral when she was about 16 but she decided not to.

Is it better going for diagnosis?

When he was starting school he was very slow to read and write. As his dad is dyslexic I didn't think too much of it. But his teacher felt that he was missing instructions, and had to be reminded of every single thing the class was doing. He would also become completely engrossed in one little thing, like rolling a toy car back and forth, and be totally oblivious to what everyone else was doing. There was much more, but it was years ago and o can't quite recall all the details. My husband is autistic along with dyslexic, and this was the diagnosis I was preparing for when to the developmental paediatrician. After through assessment with multiple professionals he was found to score highly for ADHD but not autism. He's also significantly dyslexic.

For me: the main things I have struggled with all my life are deadlines, distraction, and motivation. I have multiple degrees and post grad qualifications but every single one was so painful to achieve: I would submit every assessment late, was always full of excuses, crammed all night before exams, lost work and textbooks, and despite being very academically able always felt I could have achieved more if I could have managed to focus earlier and make myself put the effort in properly.
I'm a total mess. Literally. My house is a tip. My room was always a shambles, even as a young child, and all through my adult life I have struggled with housework and home organisation. I need external compulsion to get anything done: I won't tidy my house until I have a friend coming round; I won't write my presentation until the morning I'm due to give it; I won't Donny taxes until I receive a fine for not having done them; I won't put a load of washing on until I've run out knickers. Everything happens at the last possible moment because my brain just can't make me do something that doesn't give an immediate hit of dopamine. I find the methylphenidate helps a lot with this.

Did your son magically respond to medication and learn easily at school or did it require more intervention?

You are answering with a different username from your original post.

A psychiatrist. I did a lot of research and chose one who was very well regarded.

If it's affecting her life then I think she's better off knowing if she has ADHD so she can explore options for support.

Huge improvements with medication. But we also put lots of other things in place. He benefitted from an OT, a speech and language pathologist, and a specialist tutor.

Have you had any issues with perimenopause at all?

I’m as yet undiagnosed, although it has been such an incredible paradigm shift for - every part of my life makes sense through a lens of adhd.

I’m very interested in the interplay of hormones - puberty, pregnancy, post-partum and peri meno have all been periods where, alongside the usual hormonal issues, there has been an upswing in adhd difficulties.

It’s been difficult enough to find a menopause specialist, and hrt is helping. A diagnosis is the next step - but titration is going to be tricky, coordinating two specialists.

Did you have to try different meds or levels , or did you just get lucky first time?

@Andsoforth I think you are me! I'm undiagnosed but DD has ADHD and I am now convinced I have. Menopause has crippled me mentally as hard to function at times. HRT has helped

How did you get diagnosed? I’m struggling to find anyone, nhs or private, willing to assess me

How is he driving? Family members who could be adhd are a bit erratic? (Though pretty safe)

He should be the

Is Ritalin good for hyperactivity symptoms only or for the other symptom as well?

Yes, I'm waiting with trepidation to see what delights perimenopause will bring! I'm aware that there's often an increase in symptoms as oestrogen declines, and many women need to change their medication. Some women I know find that their usual treatment offers less efficacy at different times of the menstrual cycle, so it makes total sense that metabolic pathways are affected by changes in hormonal status.
My psychiatrist was very confident I would have positive effects from methylphenidate, and I have. It's the only drug I've tried so far. Because my son does well on he anticipated I would too. It's also one of the easiest drugs to dose, as it's metabolised so quickly in the body. Some of the longer-acting medications can be trickier to get right. At this point I don't feel the need to try other medications but may do if perimenopause wreaks havoc!

I asked my GP to refer me to a specific psychiatrist. However, I'm not in the UK and am aware it may not be so straightforward there.

My son is too young to drive! But if you mean my driving: excellent. I've been driving for 25+ years without a single accident.

I don't have any hyperactivity symptoms. My ADHD is largely the inattentive variety. Have a look at some of my earlier answers for how I find it helps me.

No accidents but family member turns music on/ music off/ fidget/ fidget / bangs up and down the gears.

Your post about messiness and doing everything last minute describes me (and DD1) perfectly. I am also chaotic at work, jumping from one task to another, without completing one. Interestingly I mentor someone who has ADHD, and has just been diagnosed in her 30s. She asked me the other day if I had ever been diagnosed, or thought I might have it.

Like you, I’m senior at work, and it hasn’t stopped me progressing. I’m also currently trying to do probate for my Mum and have only got as far as printing the forms out. I had a massive burst of activity to start with, but this has now ground to a halt, and I really need to crack on with it.

I've just started to think maybe i might have some kind of neurodiversity. I have to work incredibly hard to keep things organised, i get overwhelmed easily and if it weren't for my dh our house would be a total tip. At work i will frequently start something and then not finish it, which has led to me getting into trouble. My job involves data and I'm obsessive about finding patterns and spotting trends but when it comes to writing up the report i find it so difficult to make sure I've got all the details right and doing so the admin bits because they're boring. I spend way too much time on my phone during work as well. Important tasks that should be done in a couple of days i frequently leave for weeks. I've never considered ADHD before because i am not hyperactive - quite the opposite actually I'm very sedentary and lazy. I have a long history of anxiety and depression.

Have you had any issues with anxiety and depression before? Has being diagnosed with something had any effect on your mental health for good or bad?

@SmokeyPaprika I don't have any hyperactive symptoms, and no physical signs of ADHD. This is actually part of the reason I wanted to do this AMA - to attempt to bring to light the fact that ADHD doesn't always look like what we have become accustomed to believing it is. I'm a very calm and rational driver :)