Both my parents and sibling have ASD, I don't. AMA.

[ParentsandSibling]

Both my parents and sibling have ASD, I am the only member of my family who doesn't.

Ask Me Anything.

Are you sure you don't? I thought I didn't but was diagnosed age 35. Now it's really obvious that I do, and always have.

@OneRingToRuleThemAll Yes when my sibling and 1 parent was diagnosed the other parent and I went for testing. My other parent was diagnosed, i wasn't even put forward for testing after the initial assessment. Different people diagnosed all 3 so I don't think it's a case of I maybe have it.

That's really interesting. My children were first to be diagnosed, then my nephew, then my dad. We all have it.

Do you have any other divergence? Dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ADHD, Inattentive ADD, anxiety, etc?

Do you have children / would/has the possible genetic link factor into your decision there?

what advice would you give to parents parenting both NT and autistic children - what did you find most challenging as a sibling to an autistic DC?

Social Anxiety due to my upbringing keeping me away from people.

How do you feel about your upbringing, did it meet all your needs?

Did you ever feel it was less affectionate that other families?

But now you’re an adult you can socialise all you like - so how do you know it was due to your upbringing? Wouldn’t you have socialised at school etc? What’s your social communication like?

@Ahna65 I have 1 DC. DC has a genetic condition but not autism. We're not sure whether the condition came from me or my ExH.

Most challenging part of being the NT sibling was always coming second. If my sibling didn't want to do something we didn't do it, I never had hobbies because my sibling would start something then give it up so my parents who are very money motivated and worry a lot about wasting it, didn't let me do anything.

Advice to parents would be to not let the NT child go without because of the ASD/ND DC, it's hard balancing I get that and it was probably easier for my parents to relate to my sibling than me but that doesn't make it any easier or make me feel like they wanted or loved me.

You can't know. But exposure to things as a child does make them easier as an adult. It's the whole reason we're taught to socialize children.

@SantasGrotty I always felt second best to my sibling. My parents where very closed off, not affection, got annoyed at me for sharing anything with my friends or even having friends. Both parents now call me complex, and I don't think they love me the same way they did my sibling - 1 parent and my sibling share a hobby/obsession which just intensifies my feelings of being left out which I felt a lot growing up.

Definitely a lot less affection.

@Chuntypops I can and do socialise most weeks actually, what I struggle with is being in crowded places or how to manage that because my parents would never take me to anywhere crowded. We never went on days out or holidays because it would be too crowded, our world when I was a child was very small, we never travelled outside our town.

As an adult I had to learn how to get a bus, a train, a taxi. I am mostly ok now but crowded places can still make me a bit uneasy.

I'm really sorry to hear that. 💐

I have children with ASD one of whom is very cuddly and one who'd rather you back the fuck off 🤣 it's difficult to meet the balance. My husband is not naturally cuddly with them and I sometimes have to remind him that like it or not this is his "job"!

What impact has this had with your sibling?

@JadedSoJaded Sibling is very reclusive, eats an extremely limited diet with no vegetables or fruit at all, they don't like people outside the immediate family and struggle a lot to speak to me and have any meaningful relationship with me.

I love my parents and sibling but it's incredibly hard as an adult to break into their world and feel like a part of their lives as they're all so closed off.

Are there any good things about having parents and a sibling with autism?

@Marths They all have special interests that they know loads about, so when my DC did a project during lockdown on the country my mums really interested in we had loads of extra little facts to add it. My sibling is a maths whizz so they check DCs maths homework before they hand it in as they can check it in a few seconds and know it's right. My dads a music wizard, can tell you the name of the band and when a song came out without even thinking about it which is a great party trick to impress my friends. Anything from 1960 up to 2009 he knows the song, band and the year it came out. He often also knows what album it first came out on too!

I seem to have a really good amount of general knowledge as interests have changed over the years especially for my sibling I've picked up odd facts that seem to come in useful in pub quizzes. My colleagues beg me to join in with pub quizzes as I just "know everything" apparently.

Why/how are you so confident that you don't have some ND?

Christmasfairy did you see up thread where OP was tested?

Its possible to be related and not have it just as NT couples often have offspring with ASD

OP don’t forget the ‘test’ was simply one person’s opinion based on a very short amount of time with you.I have worked at an institution where we had to let an assessor go as they’re practice wasn’t up to date and they we’re mis-diagnosing many students who were clearly autistic.

I had one psychiatrist tell me I wasn’t autistic, then another agreed I was. From your replies you come across as though you are autistic.

I also think you sound like you have ASD op. My dp had a similar upbringing to you because both his parents have (undx) asd. We used to put all his differences down to upbringing. He has almost certainly got asd and is awaiting dx when the time is right. My ds has asd.

Also how long ago were you assessed? I think people are being dx with HFA now who would not have been dx 20 years ago, particularly women.

My daughter has two autistic parents. I’m naturally more of a hermit than a social butterfly so she’s had limitited social interaction early on. Despite this she has always craved social interaction and has very strong natural people skills.

Being anxious when socialising, as well as sensory differences, are often key indicators in autistic women, especially those who weren’t raised to have high self-esteem and inner confidence.

Struggling in crowded places can be sensory overload as a result of ASD. My dp who is going to be seeking an ASD dx struggles with crowded locations.

I might be being dense but I don’t understand this AMA. I’m really interested in hearing about experiences of all kinds of groups who are often disenfranchised or don’t have equality. But you have the experience of a typical neurology?

It would be like me saying “I have gay parents and a gay sibling but I’m a straight woman. AMA about what it’s like living with gay people”. I’m slightly baffled.

I'm noticing more and more of these types of threads lately.

You're actually talking about your particular parents' personalities, circumstances and choices and how these affected you, not about what it's like to be NT in a family of autistics.

Staying inside all the time isn't a facet of autism. My autistic children are much more up for going out than my neurotypical child. We've travelled extensively, as have some other families I know with two autistic parents. On the other hand, I know people from the council estate I lived on 30 years ago who still haven't moved outside the town where they were born.

Being unaffectionate isn't a facet of autism. My autistic children are more affectionate than my neurotypical child.

Being unempathetic isn't a facet of autism. I am more empathetic than my non-autistic husband.

Your experience is entirely valid, and I'm sorry your parents were cold and didn't expose you to many experiences. However, while it might help you to think that their parenting deficits directly resulted from their autism, things are never this straightforward.