I’m a 30 year old asexual virgin

[AlizeeEasy]

I’m an asexual virgin. Happy to answer any questions that anyone might have :)

This…

Have you considered thay what you describe as you first and only kiss was infact a sexual assault by a man twice your age?

One of my mates is an ace, they're also aromantic. They're happy doing their own thing, no desire for kids either. They love hugging their friends but that's about as close as they get to physical contact with anyone.

People are so bloody judgemental and assume there's something wrong with folks on the asexual spectrum. Nope.

I think it was gross and he took advantage but I wouldn’t go as far as sexual assault. He did ask consent to kiss me and I did say yes. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t know how to say no. It’s not how I would react these days, but I was not assertive in my younger days

Agreed, which is why I started this AMA. People have certain misconceptions about it, so I wanted to engage those interested in an open and honest conversation about it.

You said earlier you sometimes masturbate.
What do you think about when you do?
If you don't reach orgasm... how does your masturbation end?
I must be lucky as I always reach orgasm.

I’m not picturing anything really. It’s just about getting the pleasurable sensation. Tbh I have no idea what an orgasm feels like, so maybe I am having them and I have no idea? I mostly just stop when I’m bored or tired 🤔

Do you get pissed off when some people post online about how their asexual identity is so important but that they do have sex and that’s nothing to do with their identity or do you just think “meh”

There seems to be many branches that fall within the asexual “category” that I’m not sure really fits. I do try and not be a gatekeeper for what it means to be asexual though, so it doesn’t affect me, I just think they could be kept separate so as to not confuse people. Demisexual for example is someone who can only feel attraction to someone they have a deep connection to, which is an entirely different experience than what I have as an ace. So in my mind it would make more sense to have that as a separate sexuality rather than conflate the two. But it doesn’t take up much head space for me.

Do you think that your preference and nature might have been more usual and accepted in previous ages? I am thinking about the great number of women who had a religious vocation which involved celibacy, and the phenomenon of the maiden aunt who was a pillar of many families and institutions. It’s fashionable now to think that they were either lesbians ,,or just ‘normal’ women who were thwarted in the emotional or sexual life, but maybe they were more like you and just not interested.

It’s a really interesting thought that I hadn’t considered before. I do wonder how much was imposed on women as a sort of forced celibacy in certain roles, and how much choice women had to take those roles. Sort of a “did they choose the nun life or did the nun life choose them”. Certainly asexuality will have always existed, and many women who would not have wanted to get married if they felt they had the choice would have chosen not to. Some may well have known exactly how much they didn’t want that and would have opted for a career path where they could avoid it.