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AMA

I'm a Church of England parish priest - AMA

408 replies

whyhere · 03/12/2022 08:37

Baptisms, weddings, funerals, Sunday worship, belief in general - I'm at your service 🙂

OP posts:
plebianmuffin · 03/12/2022 23:06

I had my dc Christened a few years ago and the church insisted their god parents were Christian.

I actually really struggled to find two sets of Christian godparents because none of my friends are Christian. Do you think this will affect the number of christenings going forward? I almost gave up but it was important to me!

CuteCillian · 03/12/2022 23:09

The minimum number of godparents is two, ideally one male and one female. One thing that might help you is that parents can be godparents to their own children.
This statement is misleading. My DC are all Christened and do not have Godparents, it is not a necessity (C of E).

CraftyGin · 03/12/2022 23:10

plebianmuffin · 03/12/2022 23:06

I had my dc Christened a few years ago and the church insisted their god parents were Christian.

I actually really struggled to find two sets of Christian godparents because none of my friends are Christian. Do you think this will affect the number of christenings going forward? I almost gave up but it was important to me!

The child can take themselves to baptism when they are of an age to profess the Christian faith for themselves, eg around 13 years of age.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 03/12/2022 23:14

whyhere · 03/12/2022 21:59

You would have been entirely welcome. There is no requirement to have faith to be married in a parish church.

Thank you - that's good to know Smile

SarahAndQuack · 03/12/2022 23:21

whyhere · 03/12/2022 23:00

Ah - sorry I didn't pick up your meaning.

I genuinely don't mind at all when people make naive or un-thought-through statements; the Bible/study groups I run are honestly one of my favourite things. Sometimes real insights come from people who think about complex matters of theology in very simple ways. If people are wrong it's my responsibility, of course, to steer them in the right direction, but I hope that I do so kindly and tactfully.

Please don't apologise! I didn't express myself very clearly - and you are the person taking time to answer questions, for which I'm very grateful.

I'm really glad to hear your reply, to.

tentinginmarch · 03/12/2022 23:21

Hi there. I've really enjoyed your thread thank you. You've said you don't repeat anything heard in confession, which is admirable, and I guess expected. My question is though, if you heard anything about a crime, or something of value to authorities (slavery/ child cruelty), what are you legally and morally bound to do? There must be some very grey areas - how do you draw the line?

MardyBra · 03/12/2022 23:24

What’s your view on Stephen Fry’s view that if there is a God, s/he is a capricious monstrous selfish maniac deserving of no respect whatsoever?

shinyshoes5566 · 03/12/2022 23:24

What are your thoughts about churches being empty all week, whilst people are living on the streets? Secondly, why did it take churches so long to get involved in offering food banks? Surely they should be the first to help out their congregations and communities. Is it any wonder that church-goers are dwindling in their numbers, when the non-church-goers were stepping up far more within communities to help those in need.

JestersTear · 03/12/2022 23:27

Try and get as much rest as you can as the upcoming weeks are going to be mental!

SarahAndQuack · 03/12/2022 23:31

shinyshoes5566 · 03/12/2022 23:24

What are your thoughts about churches being empty all week, whilst people are living on the streets? Secondly, why did it take churches so long to get involved in offering food banks? Surely they should be the first to help out their congregations and communities. Is it any wonder that church-goers are dwindling in their numbers, when the non-church-goers were stepping up far more within communities to help those in need.

I think the OP has signed off until tomorrow, so I hope it's not stepping on their toes for me to add anecdata - but, my city-centre church was open at night for exactly this reason, so that people who were homeless could come somewhere sheltered.

I am confused about your question about food banks. All the churches I've attended as an adult (I'm 38) have either had collections for the local food bank, or (in the case of large churches), they've had their own food bank. Churches won't always run a food bank, because ideally, you approach the local food bank and ask what is needed. If they need another hub, you as a church might provide it; if not, you need to stick to what is working and donate to the local hub. The key thing is making sure people who need food banks have to travel the smallest possible distance, for obvious reasons.

dcut · 03/12/2022 23:37

What's your position on transubstantiation? And what is the Church of England's official stance on this? I'm R.C and I was always told that the difference is that our bread and wine becomes the body and blood of Christ whereas the CofE communion doesn't and that Anglicans don't believe in this.
But I've since met a lot of Anglicans who do believe in this and talk about receiving the body and blood, rather than bread and wine.
I've never dared ask anyone because it feels a bit like a stupid question somehow.

OldFan · 03/12/2022 23:41

Sleep well.

So, when are you going to convert to Catholicism @whyhere ?

Revjane · 03/12/2022 23:46

CraftyGin · 03/12/2022 22:54

The cost of a minister in my diocese is £62k.

The £62k is for the whole package of employing a vicar, including costs such as NI, pension contribution, housing costs, travel and expenses incurred for work. The clergy person themselves receives an annual stipend (not a wage) of £26k. Working a standard 48-hour week it works out at about £10 per hour.
But of course out-goings are less because there is no mortgage or rent to pay.

MammaWeasel · 03/12/2022 23:47

What a real gem of a thread, thank you xxxx

PurpleSky300 · 03/12/2022 23:48

What keeps you going when you have doubts and you are really struggling?

HoppingPavlova · 03/12/2022 23:58

Do you do exorcisms of houses/people? If so, how much of your work does this make up?

JestersTear · 04/12/2022 00:04

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 03/12/2022 23:14

Thank you - that's good to know Smile

My husband and I were married in church. He had come from a secular upbringing and didn't believe and I had been brought up in the church.

LionsandLambs · 04/12/2022 00:30

Thanks Op, this is very interesting.

can I ask what you think about Reiki? I am a sceptic and have no spiritual beliefs. At work (hospital) someone performed Reiki for staff and I experienced vivid colours and tingling in my hands and eventually all over my body. The ‘healer’ reported seeing angels all around me. What do you think about this? Is it mumbo jumbo?

awomansvoice · 04/12/2022 02:42

Hi, thank-you for starting this thread. I grew up with strong Christian beliefs but lost faith at around the age of 17. After losing faith I suppose I was a bit hippyish and looked to new age stuff for inspiration, then went to the other extreme of being a vocal atheist and cynic. It's hard to put into words, but I've since regained faith, though not via any established religion. I see 'god' as something more abstract, I see forces of good and evil in the world. I see 'god' as the life force, energy that moves through all living things, and it's up to us how we use it, for good or evil. It's something I feel very strongly. When I'm around those with bad intent, I can sense that negative energy very strongly. I've found new levels of compassion for people, and it has made so many of my everyday interactions go better by approaching everyone with love and recognition of everyone else's struggles, their humanity, and trying to see what's going on behind the energy they're putting forward (some people are just to be avoided though!) I'm just wondering what you think about all that, this idea of 'good' and 'bad' energy. I haven't studied Zoroastrianism in any detail, but it seems to relate to this principles within this faith.

I also have a different question for you about the loss of religion in people's lives. Many social commentators are claiming that with a loss of faith in organised religion, people are turning to alternatives to religion, such as gender identity ideology or other types of social justice extremism. There's talk of trans people being 'sacred', for example. And if you know much about transhumanism, there is a lot of quasi-religious terminology and imagery used. It seems there are a lot of movements and causes striving to reach a kind of 'utopia' or 'holy land', but with cult-like features, where any kind of questioning or dissent is forbidden, and people are shunned for not going along with the prescribed views. I wonder what your thoughts are on the replacements people use for religious faith, as I think it's extremely toxic. I personally think it's entirely possible to be an atheist/humanist etc and not turn to such substitutes for religion, to be clear. I have a lot of respect for someone like Ricky Gervais, for example!

I have one more question that I've just thought of. Do you think that if you grow up indoctrinated in an established religion, then if you leave that faith you will always feel that there's something missing and have to replace it with something else - a belief system or even an addiction or obsession? I suppose this relates to the question above in some way, but more than that, I can think of friends I had at school who weren't brought up with faith, and they had no interest in it. Do we create a need for faith by telling kids that there's a god and indoctrinating them in a religion? Do some people have no need for faith if they've never been raised in it? I suppose I'm questioning why I feel the way I do about 'god', when someone who wasn't raised within a faith might never really think about it. Thank-you if you have time to answer any of this.

erinaceus · 04/12/2022 06:40

Does the sneering, dismissive attitude of some atheists frustrate you? Is there a Christian way to process that feeling?

MammaWeasel · 04/12/2022 07:08

When do YOU feel closest to your God?

whyhere · 04/12/2022 08:03

Good morning. Back briefly before heading to church. I really had no idea that this thread was going to take off in this way - I genuinely thought I might be ignored! I'm going to focus on answering only those questions that I haven't previously answered upthread, for the sake of my sanity (and yours, probably!). Thanks in advance for your understanding.

OP posts:
whyhere · 04/12/2022 08:04

MrsMoastyToasty · 03/12/2022 09:01

Have you ever performed a marriage ceremony and thought "they'll be divorcing in a year"?

I've certainly had my concerns about some couples, yes. If I am seriously worried I have a conversation with them well in advance of the wedding, of course. (We are generally in touch with couples at least one year and sometimes two years before the ceremony.)

OP posts:
whyhere · 04/12/2022 08:09

CakeCrumbs44 · 03/12/2022 09:08

Baptisms, weddings, services etc all happen on the weekend. What do you do during the week? Would you say your job is more than, less than or equivalent to a full time job?

I work about 80 hours a week. In addition to the services you mention, and the regular Sunday worship services, I get involved in the following:
training junior clergy
taking communion to nursing homes
hospital and hospice visits
pastoral visits/conversations
financial and strategic planning
working alongside other community groups
assemblies and teaching in local schools
all the administration around people's life events - weddings are very admin heavy
enquiries about the church and churchyard
social media
answering circa 560 emails a week, plus WA messages and regular letters
our various social events like coffee mornings, lunches, food bank, toddler groups, youth group etc

I could go on but this is getting a bit boring!

OP posts:
Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 04/12/2022 08:09

So, while I also prepare to go to church this morning. Can I ask, traditional or happy clappy music? Or the horrible compromise of both?

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