I'm a Church of England parish priest - AMA

[whyhere]

Baptisms, weddings, funerals, Sunday worship, belief in general - I'm at your service 🙂

Thank you for the AMA, @@whyhere

My question is:
Why in this day and age are so many church building still deeply unsuitable to take young children to? I have a toddler and would love to go to regular Sunday morning services, but there’s no church in easy reach of us that has a facility for young children.

When I was little, my parents took me to a church that had what was called a “quieting room” at the side. That room meant they never missed a service - they could always whisk me away if I was having a cry, or a little toddler tantrum. The room had a nice big window so parents could still see everything, and there was a wall speaker in the room linked to the microphone at the lectern, so they could hear the sermon etc. This was in the 1980s, in a small church in a run-down area, so it wasn’t some fancy high-end innovation! Apparently these days the only churches with child-friendly facilities are the ones with sought-after church schools attached, and even those aren’t always suitable for babies and toddlers.

Lack of appropriate facilities means that people with young children basically have to stop going to church. And once we’ve stopped, the odds of us starting again are fairly low. Effectively excluding young families from worship is almost certainly a pretty big contributor overall in dwindling congregations.

It’s all well and good saying “you can watch the service live-streamed on Facebook” but most churchgoers want to actually go to church to be around other people and part of a faith community. I certainly do. (I don’t use Facebook either.) So why not make it easier for parents of young children to attend church, to be part of something bigger, and to bring their children up in a community of faith - simply by ensuring churches have at least one place they can retreat to if their young child is behaving like a young child tends to? A quieting room isn’t a new idea. It just doesn’t seem to be something the central church thinks is important.

Definitely more of a presence (that's a very good word!). No physical shape or features really.

Thank you for that

@whyhere a deeply personal question,if I may - and please don't feel obliged to answer if you don't wish to. But if you've had a personal encounter with God, would you be willing to describe it?

And, sorry, another question just jumped to mind! Going back to my question about the Holy trinity..

When people feel something spiritual - a pull, or a spiritual need, would the (Christian) view be that that is the holy ghost?

For example, lots of people find churches very peaceful and spiritual places even if they don't ascribe to a religion. They might even take comfort from attending sometimes, is that the holy ghost?

Your parish church cannot outright refuse to baptise a child. There might be reasons for baptism to be refused in a more distant church, with the idea that you are nurtured in faith by you actual church family rather than your granny's childhood church family. Baptism liturgy includes promises made by the congregation, not just the parents and godparents.

A lot of churches can press pause on baptism by having baptism courses for prospective parents. This is a way to teach about the concept of the sacrament and the Christian faith in general. It's a bit like a pre-catechetical course. We used to have baptism courses, and then moved on to just encouraging people to attend Alpha or Christianity Explored (with babysitting provided).

I know that some parents will see the invitation to take part in a course to be a refusal, but this is really not the case.

I love baptisms! My role is to prepare the pool for full-immersion baptisms, which I take very seriously and do with love and grace. I love the testimonies which are a fairly standard part of an adult (believer's) baptism, but not so with infant baptism, although some parents do. They are usually the parents that have been moved by the preparation courses. They often bring themselves to baptism or reaffirmation a few months later.

Some churches are really in a pickle with what they provide physically due to financial constraints and heritage bodies. It's not always possible to set up a space that suits everyone, although I have never been to a church that has nothing for young children.

If a church is strapped for cash, they have to rely on volunteers to run children's groups, and those are the same churches where volunteers wear many hats.

I think you really have to decide what you actually want, and to see if this is feasible in your local church - speak to the vicar and churchwardens.

I like to think that we bend over backwards for our families, with good children's groups, family services, toddler groups, and creche with live streaming. If these things are not desirable, the child is welcome to run around in the service.

The church needs more people like your vicar and less like craftygin.