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AMA
Original poster

I'm a Church of England parish priest - AMA

408 replies

whyhere · 03/12/2022 08:37

Baptisms, weddings, funerals, Sunday worship, belief in general - I'm at your service 🙂

OP posts:
mnahmnah · 03/12/2022 22:25

Hello!

What are your favourite and least favourite aspects of the job?

And do you live in a vicarage? What is it like?

Thanks!

Bécassine · 03/12/2022 22:26

whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:11

I'm not a biblical literalist. I believe that the Bible is a mixture of facts and stories to help us to understand basic truths about God, life and death.

I support equal marriage and will be delighted when I am allowed to marry same sex couples.

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This is wonderful to hear! Thank you

Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:26

Bécassine · 03/12/2022 16:36

Below are some questions aimed at church leaders I've copied from the new Honest Church campaign (honestchurch.org.uk/ ). I don't expect an answer to all of them as there's a lot, but I'd be interested to know your thoughts in general. The point of the Honest Church campaign isn't to make people/ churches believe a certain set of doctrines, but rather to encourage churches to be open and indeed honest about what they preach and believe.

  • What would people outside your church say has
been the core message about LGBTQ+ people from your congregation?
  • Does your public communication (newsletter,
noticeboards, website) make a statement of inclusion?
  • Do you have any LGBTQ+ people in leadership?
Would you?
  • When teaching / preaching about
relationships, are all relationships brought into the conversation?
  • When was the last time LGBTQ+ people were
mentioned in sermons or other teaching? What kind of welcome did it imply?
  • Does the church highlight and respect people’s
preferred pronouns?
  • Have you ever been asked to have a service to
mark a trans person’s transition? Would you if you were asked?
  • Is the church supportive of a trans person
coming to the church, or coming out as trans in the church?
  • Would your church support a trans person
while they transitioned?

What would people outside your church say has
been the core message about LGBTQ+ people from
your congregation?
Entirely positive.

Does your public communication (newsletter,
noticeboards, website) make a statement of
inclusion?
Yes.

Do you have any LGBTQ+ people in leadership?
Not currently, but we have in the past.

Would you?
As above.

When teaching / preaching about
relationships, are all relationships brought
into the conversation?
Yes, absolutely.

When was the last time LGBTQ+ people were
mentioned in sermons or other teaching? What
kind of welcome did it imply?
Certainly within the last month, and pretty regularly, with an emphasis on all people being equal before God.

Does the church highlight and respect people’s
preferred pronouns?
It hasn't arisen but, knowing my congregation, they would take it in their stride.

Have you ever been asked to have a service to
mark a trans person’s transition? Would you if
you were asked?
I haven't been asked. If I was I would try to understand exactly what was wanted, and then seek advice from one of my seniors, simply because there are certain things that I am not allowed to do under Canon Law (like marry a same sex couple) and I have to be mindful of that.

Is the church supportive of a trans person
coming to the church, or coming out as trans in
the church?
It hasn't arisen, but I am confident my congregation would be supportive.

Would your church support a trans person
while they transitioned?
As above.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:28

custardbear · 03/12/2022 16:49

I have a big issue with religion (except theoretical of course) being peddled in schools, particularly those that aren't religious schools (which I abhor but that's a different thread). How do you justify the church going into schools and the concerns from parents about potential indoctrination of their children?

I 'justify' it because the schools in my parish ask me to go in, and parents have the option to remove their children if they wish to.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:29

Mischance · 03/12/2022 17:21

How do you square this? I arranged a carol singing event for children and their families yesterday and a lot of fun was had by all. As a favour to the local church I allowed a Christingle element to be "bolted on" because so few families go to the church that they cannot run their own.

Imagine my horror when I heard the curate who came in telling the children that god's goodness solves all problems and makes people happy all round the world. Well bugger me! - when did that happen? I had been listening to the news before I left for the event and did not see any sign whatsoever of any deity waving their magic wand and solving problems and making people happy! I heard misery and strife and destruction.

This is just lying to children - are you able to justify this in any way?

It wouldn't be my approach.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:30

sweatyannie · 03/12/2022 19:51

Do you think there is going to be a Second Coming .... i.e is the OP going to return ?

I do have a full-time role in the parish and work about 80 hours a week, so apologies if I am not responding every five minutes 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:31

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 03/12/2022 20:12

Do you really believe that a man , who was crucified and died, if he actually existed, actually rose from the dead?

There is documented evidence that Jesus did, indeed, exist, and yes I do believe that.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:31

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 03/12/2022 20:14

And why is Jesus portrayed as a white man?

Innate prejudice and privilege.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:32

CraftyGin · 03/12/2022 20:32

This is so tedious.

I imagine that the vast majority of those proponents of LGBTQ++++++ have zero interest in the Christian faith and worship. They are just jumping on some kind of woke bandwagon.

There are some LGBTQ+ Christians who are troubled by the church's stance, but if they want to marry, there are civil options. This does not mean they are not loved by their church family.

The church is governed by 39 articles and other aspects of canon law and biblical teaching which define marriage as between one man and one woman. Deal with it! Marriage is not about having a party with the backdrop of a pretty building.

The Church of England has been bending over backwards in recent years to give LGBTQ a voice, particularly through LLF. General Synod next year is pretty much going to be a crunch time in the church, which is highly likely to lead to a schism.

Give this vicar a break. She (I assume) has come here in good faith to explain her role. I would like to hear of that role rather than launching virtiol at her.

Thanks for your support, but I get worse in the parish!

OP posts:
OfCourseIStillLoveYou · 03/12/2022 22:33

Why would a benevolent god create a world where suffering was inevitable? I know the answer for human-caused suffering is supposed to be free will. But what about the suffering which is out of our control? Earthquakes, floods, disease, childhood cancer?

Bécassine · 03/12/2022 22:34

Thank you for answering my questions, I really appreciate it.

Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:35

SarahAndQuack · 03/12/2022 22:19

This thread itself is making me want to ask: do you mind if people in your congregation, who aren't ordained, have views on scripture or liturgy or whatever? I am very conscious that vicars have studied a lot. In our church, our vicar organises various study sessions, and I am never sure at what level he expects people to participate.

Everyone's views are welcome in our study groups - we can all learn from each other. No-one has the monopoly on theology, because none of us knows the mind of God.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:36

Marshmallowmountain · 03/12/2022 22:00

I want my son to be christened but we don’t have enough christened friends to be god parents - what are our options?

The minimum number of godparents is two, ideally one male and one female. One thing that might help you is that parents can be godparents to their own children.

OP posts:
CHRIST0PHERR0BIN · 03/12/2022 22:36

What wage are you on?

EUwannabe · 03/12/2022 22:37

Would you believe me if I told you I saw an angel (well a very bright light in a human ish shape) when I was freaking out after I had been told I had cancer. Are angels common? Who are they?

gemloving · 03/12/2022 22:37

@ItWasneaMe being a practicing Cristian doesn't mean you need to go to church, having a connection with god is a lot more than going to church 2h on a Sunday. It's unlikely to have a Christian who does not go to church though. Sorry if you didn't want me to answer

Fink · 03/12/2022 22:38

whyhere · 03/12/2022 12:43

I think it's just tradition really. I feel pretty sorry for RC priests because there are now a number of male priests among them who were previously Anglican but converted, who are married - doesn't seem very fair.

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I don't want to hijack someone else's thread, but since you asked: In the Catholic Church we have 2 types of priest - religious and secular. Religious priests belong to a religious order (i.e. they're monks or friars), for them the vow of chastity is essential to the way of life. They follow what's called the evangelical counsels - Jesus's advice to people who seek perfection (poverty, chastity, and obedience). And it's integral to their lifestyle as a group of men (or women in the case of nuns) who live together and share everything that they not be married. However, the teaching has always been that the evangelical counsels are a path of perfection, not everybody's calling.

Secular priests, on the other hand (the kind you see with a dog collar), usually live alone and don't take a vow of chastity, technically what they make is a promise of celibacy. This has been the discipline of the church since the turn of the first millennium, but it is not Church dogma - it is a tradition, not doctrine or biblical teaching, and it's possible that it could change in the future.

The Anglican Chuch has a slightly different understanding of the priesthood from the Catholic Church, in practical terms even if they're close theologically (depending on the churchmanship of the Anglican). Anglicans have allowed clergy to marry since soon after the Reformation.

Trumpetpants · 03/12/2022 22:38

CHRIST0PHERR0BIN · 03/12/2022 22:36

What wage are you on?

Not enough for the level of love, responsibility and time given, I would say

nowaynotnownotever · 03/12/2022 22:40

So many great questions already.

Have you always known God or did you have a dramatic conversion?

Do you ask for signs from God to guide you? If so what were these?

Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:41

kittenkipping · 03/12/2022 22:24

I attended church with my Nan through my childhood. As an adult, driving with my children, we once passed a church. My daughter asked to stop as there was a queue and she wanted to go. It felt to me, like a call back. I've been agnostic but yearning for the faith I had as a child for all of my adult life. I parked and queued and attended service and returned for many weeks. Eventually I stopped because it became more and more apparent that

a- many thought we were there to get the children into church school
B- others thought that children shouldn't be there and my youngest asking questions was wrong and
C- we were not local or know or regulars and didn't belong (it was about 10miles from my house- there were closer congregations but that one spoke to me)

I was 30 years younger than any other attendee. They were all women. They were a clique and imo there for social and not god.

My question is this - honestly, do you think you're congregation would do the same? And if they did would you do something? And do you believe that all of your members believe? Or do you think some are there for other reasons? (Reasons of which many are fair- warmth, community, loneliness- I imagine many go for these reasons and imo the god I sort of maybe believe in would definitely approve)

I'm so sorry that you were treated so badly. Clearly I can speak only for my congregation, but you would be welcomed with open arms here, as would your daughter, whose questions would be a source of delight, not criticism.

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/12/2022 22:41

Can you explain the level of heirarchy within the church from Archbishop down. How do the roles differ?

what’s the difference between a rector and a vicar? Are you all reverends?

Original poster
whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:44

mnahmnah · 03/12/2022 22:25

Hello!

What are your favourite and least favourite aspects of the job?

And do you live in a vicarage? What is it like?

Thanks!

Hi 🙂

Yes, I live in a church house. It has pros and cons - I could never afford such a big house myself, but it costs a fortune to heat. It's my house, yet it isn't, as I'm on duty 24 hours a day and have to hold meetings here.

My favourite part of the job is one-to-one pastoral conversations with people, and taking funerals (because a 'good' funeral makes such a huge difference to the bereaved). My least favourite part is when people complain about any changes the church makes, even though they never attend!

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 03/12/2022 22:45

whyhere · 03/12/2022 22:35

Everyone's views are welcome in our study groups - we can all learn from each other. No-one has the monopoly on theology, because none of us knows the mind of God.

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That's a very kind response and I really appreciate it. But what I'm actually asking is how you feel? I know my own lovely vicar would say exactly what you said. Of course, I can't ask him 'anything' so I must respect his polite reply - but ... honestly, how do you actually feel? Do you find it frustrating or annoying when people say things you think are theologically naive? Or when you think they're very wrong? I would really like to know.

Mvslimah · 03/12/2022 22:45

i have 2 if you don’t mind

do you believe Muslims and Christian’s worship the same god? If not why not?

and this one is the biggie for me, the problem of evil? Aside from god gave man free will and man choses to do bad things, what about things like childhood cancer? As a person of faith, I really struggle with this

Whityedain · 03/12/2022 22:45

AnotherCountryMummy · 03/12/2022 13:43

I am so sorry you went through this.

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Because the Devil and Demons exist, too. I would also like to add how sorry I am that this happened to you.