I have a lifelong mood disorder, AMA

[ScruffMuffin]

Hopefully I won't live to regret this! 🙂
Feeling brave tonight, and trying to gain a better understanding of it myself. Ask away (although I'm going to bed in the next hour, so might not be all that quick).

If it is bpd so do i

Hi! 😊
How old were you when you were diagnosed?

Hi both!

Not BPD, but I have two friends who have it, so know quite a bit about it.

Self-diagnosed aged 18 at university - until then I oscillated between thinking it happened to everyone, and thinking I was a bit of a freak. Finally saw a doctor and then a psychiatrist when I was 20, but I have had a problem since I was 5.

How does it manifest itself?

Does anything trigger it? How often do your moods change

Hi @ScruffMuffin

What do you even mean by that?

Is that just an excuse for bad behaviour?

Self-diagnosed mood disorder?

Really?

What is a mood disorder?
What is BDP?
What specifically are we asking you about?

I am confusion.

What mood disorder do you have? Depression? Bipolar? Something else?

What (if any) treatment have you had?

BPD is borderline personality disorder. I have no idea about any of the rest though.

Slow on sudden onset dark mood, which makes everything harder to do. Words queue up in my throat but I can't always get them out or express myself. I slow down mentally and physically. At my worst, I have been motionless.

Usually triggered by change, including the seasons. The start of the school year/autumn is a big one, and things like moving house have been factors in the past. Going out in the dark has always made me worse too. My early years were spent in a house with a drunken father and domestic violence, so nightfall was probably linked to trouble.

What is your official diagnosis from the psychiatrist? Are you on any treatment?

What has the psychiatrist diagnosed you with?

How have you found accessing mental health services on the nhs? How often are you given appointments with eg a psychiatrist and do you have to request them or are they regularly scheduled?

I mean that I've had mental health problems since early childhood and probably always will. Bad behaviour... no. The worst thing I've done (in terms of the law) is get a speeding ticket (years ago). My relationships are positive. Like everyone else, I get cross with my kids and shout occasionally. Apart from that, I lead a quiet life. I go to work, look after my family and don't mix much. I'm scared of doing or saying things that might be wrong or hurtful, so I prefer not to socialise. I love text and email though, and have friends.

Yes. I think I'm far from alone in having read about a condition and thinking, "Bingo!". I was studying psychology at the time.

Things like depression, mania, bipolar, BPD which someone mentioned above. Mine is slightly unusual in terms of early onset.

Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder (usually severe) with a bit of social phobia (would probably reach the criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder, but by not socialising much I don't feel very anxious!). Mild PTSD on top in recent years.

Do you think that you’d consider yourself mentally unwell if you hadn’t read up on the symptoms? I have a family member who has self diagnosed a lot over the years based on having a best friend who was sectioned repeatedly and ultimately killer himself; without the knowledge of the behaviour and symptoms, my family member would likely be experiencing feelings rather than mental illness.

Treatment: I've been medicated on and off for 25 years. Seven different medications - currently on two. Six NHS free counselling sessions, twice in my 20s. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy courses, both in a group and online by myself. A year of expensive private counselling, and wad under psychiatrists for all of my 20s.

@MolkosTeenageAngst @MichelleScarn I've answered these above now.

I'm on high dose Venlafaxine, a bit of amitriptyline and have other meds at my disposal if things worsen.

I couldn't fault the services in my 20s. I was referred quickly, treated quickly and followed up properly. Crisis Team sprang into action when I needed it. Unfortunately, things have since changed. In my 40s I've tried to access talking therapies again, but was basically put on a Web site and told to work through it. Basically self care and mindfulness.

I was discharged from psychiatry by the time I was 30, but I used to be seen routinely every three months or so.

Interesting question, but yes I would. I have such a textbook case, and quite badly, so it's astonishing that it wasn't picked up sooner. My mum can see it with hindsight. Due to an extremely stressful and impossible work situation, I fell apart completely aged 24. Just stopped functioning completely, so if I hadn't been properly diagnosed at university, somebody would have had to intervene then instead.

Most people don't know. They'd probably just say I'm quiet... but bonkers because I don't sleep much and constantly have loads of projects on the go. The best way I can manage it is by never letting my mind stay still.