I’m Russian - AMA

[LillyCandC]

I moved here 15 years ago - ask me anything :-)

@Onceinnever glad you enjoyed it.
yes, you’re right, we keep it in our bathrooms. Seems like a good idea - you underdress before the shower and put your clothes in it.

Lilly, this is a great thread, thank you. So interesting.

Tom, you don’t know much about other people, do you? Go away

Thanks for the thread. Russia fascinates me and I’ve always wanted to visit.

What seems crazy to me is that from the outside it appears Russia is harming itself with this war as well as Ukraine. There are sanctions, companies have left the country, travel bans, young men leaving the country and of course the loss of soldiers in the war.

Russia is huge already and has all kinds of resources. Why on earth do they need Ukraine? I guess historically it’s an important area but the whole thing still seems pointless.

@LillyCandC are you OK, and are your family and friends safe?

In these situations sometimes people failt to separate the person from the country.

I’m Russian too, Привет.

I have spent my entire life being embarrassed about it. I went to schools in New York, England and Switzerland and always pretended I wasn’t Russian despite sounding like GRU from the minions 😆 I couldn’t hide it and everyone at school used to spread rumours about my parents being agents (I actually think they were now, but they’re no longer with us) and so everyone was kind so they wouldn’t get killed.

What is so strange is that my parents adopted me, just to leave me with my grandparents in complete poverty while they were away for years. They were strangers to me, I saw them maybe twice a year. Then when I was about 6 and we moved to America, we were filthy rich . I felt like a princess but the sadness of not being with my grandparents was horrific. And having to learn English. I look back on my childhood before that, all I remember is being really cold…all the time and my grandmother’s cooking. My parents were amazing to me, but since they’ve passed I have so so so many questions. I wish I could know or just have one more conversation with them.

However, my question for you is what do you miss most? Would you ever return? What is your favourite childhood memory?

@bluetongue definitely worth visiting! I’m sure you will have an amazing experience, there’s so much to see. I love travel and experiencing authentic culture and I weren’t Russian already I’d definitely would want to visit.

you’re kind of right, I see it as ambitions of a half dead dwarf man. Dreams of bringing the good old ussr back, make Russia great again kind of nonsense. There might be more to it though that we will never know.

@Toooldtoworry thank you for asking and your concern. Me and my family are ok. I’ve heard of Russian kids being bullied and people being abused and denied service in restaurants for example, in France and Lithuania. I think English are quite good at separating the two and very understanding. I feel more for Ukrainians though, we might be abused with words whereas they have missiles whistling over their heads.

@Aussiegirl123456 привет! Wow, what a story… thank you for sharing. Sounds like you can write a bestseller based on your childhood.

what was your favourite thing that your grandma cooked?

I know what you mean by pretending that you’re not Russian! Before war I wasn’t too keen on telling people my nationality too. When I moved here I had the feeling that Londoners had this impression that if you’re Russian girl you’re most likely a gold digger and just want to marry for visa. Or filthy rich.

I don’t think I will return as my children are here now, they don’t speak Russian, my husband is English and he also doesn’t speak Russian. And I like it here, I feel more at home here now. What I miss? The culture scene , there’s always so much to do in Moscow and everything is quite cheap. The food. Car washes haha bizzare, I know… and friends, of course. Favourite memory. Thanks for asking and my trip down memory lane. There’re so many! Chatting with great-grandma and great-grandad in the kitchen. Laugh at how great grandma used to hide sweets in her pocket to give me after bedtime. Our dacha with banya in Irkutsk. Catching fish with grandad..

Interesting, but I know a lot of extremely well-educated Russians who have been living out of Russia for years (and educated outside of Russia also) who seem to have been drinking the Putin coolaid and believe the hype perpetuated by the Russian media re the MH17 flight, etc and everything else… I have always wondered what it must be like to live amongst people who believe that the man you revere as some kind of savior is actually a despot.

Thank you I find this really interesting, to hear a Russian perspective.

Do you believe that Putin has an illness, possibly terminal?

How did the people of Crimea actually feel about being annexed?

How do russian mothers feel about sending their sons to war? Do they believe in the cause or is it gut wrenching for them?

@Fraaahnces hm, I suppose if I don’t know any Russians that support Putin it doesn’t mean that there none at all. I think a lot of it is rooted in Soviet rhetoric that The west doesn’t like us and wants to see Russia fall. I don’t pretend to be the source of one and true knowledge in geopolitics though. I can only speak of what I know based on my mentality and paradigms. There’s a deeply rooted belief that Russia needs a strong man with strong stance as their leader in order to save it from being used by the West. Now, there’s a very thin line between a strong man and a despot.

@Fraaahnces also, theres cultural feud that has been going on for ages. There’s this notion of “khokhol” - a derogatory term for Ukrainians who thought to hate Russians and would go great lengths to lie, deceive and use Russia for their personal gain. There’s also a derogatory term historically used by Ukrainians - “maskal” used to name Russian speaking population in general. So geopolitics in that region is very very complex. None of it can justify any Ukrainians dying under Russian bullets though, or an invasion into a sovereign country.

@peppapig79 I’m glad you’re enjoying the tread. All good questions and quite complex.

I think the world has been speculating about Putin’s illness for a decade now. He might well be. I’m sure he survived many assassination attempts. He looks ill and paranoid.

I don’t think any mother wants to send their son to the frontline whether it’s for a good cause or not. They’d rather their boys lived. There as an article in russian news saying that in one of the regions there were so many volunteers that they didn’t need to mobilise many people. What they failed to mention is that the volunteers are dads, going to Ukraine so that their sons don’t have to. Poorer Russians just don’t have a choice, they can’t bribe their way out of it and once you’re given the letter, you have to go. Otherwise you’re deserting the army and that’s an offence too. So you have to pick between jail or going to Ukraine. Russian media also downplays the losses, so that the public thinks soldiers have a good chance coming back alive (they don’t).

Some people in Crimea I think wanted the annexation but we’re unprepared for what it means. I think they hoped that their region is going to receive a lot of support from Russian government.

@LillyCandC Definitely do not lie, just tell them the exact truth and see what they make of it - say you are half Russian, half Ukrainian 😁

Though of course I know what you mean, having grown up in Moscow with only Russian speakers around of course I think of myself as "just" Russian regardless of ethnically being only half Russian.

How come your children don't speak Russian?

@DorothyBaker exactly! And to add to confusion I was born in Germany. So it gets super complicated. I know it’s irrational and I know I shouldn’t lie, you can see from this thread people aren’t that Russophobic, I just am a very private person and this question throws me every time. I also worked hard to lose my accent so ended up with strange sounding one - a little Irish, a little South African 🤦🏻‍♀️

@CamillasToe im from a small family and my parents and grandparents don’t come often to visit, their father is English and I mainly hang out with my English friends. So not much exposure. They certainly understand Russian but don’t speak it.

@Aussiegirl123456 Привет! Your name is certainly very confusing, is it all part of throwing people off the scent :) or you actually ended up living in Australia?

Your story sounds extremely fascinating, the only thing I didn't understand was how come you ended up sounding like Gru instead of adopting an American accent if you moved to the States at the age of 6? Or you didn't live there long, or did you go to a Russian/embassy school?

Also, have you thought of doing a DNA test and discovering some biological family, or are you not interested? Or have you done one already? I imagine you'd need one not like Ancestry or 23andme, but one connected to a Russian database to be able to find any kind of reasonably close relatives...

And both to you and @LillyCandC , seriously, I long embraced the fact that I'm Russian and happily own it (though in the last at least 12 years not once anyone guessed my origin by my accent and looks. In the first five years people sometimes asked if I was Polish. I guess my accent has changed though when I hear a recording of me speaking English I can still hear what I think is an obvious though I suppose subtle Russian accent).

At the beginning of the war I had a shadow of hesitation telling new people where I'm from originally but not one person ever said anything derogatory, I'd say quite the opposite - people were very sympathetic and most immediately inquire if I still have family and friends in Russia and if they are ok, so I'm even more in love with the Brits being so understanding and not in the least knee-jerky assuming Russian=evil :D

This unexpectedly bought a tear to my eye. Wish we had a world full of people like you!

What was your schooling like @LillyCandC ?

I'm so sorry to read your family history @LillyCandC , so very sad indeed.

Yes, Polski Majonez is a favourite in our house!
And thank you for your salad tip!

Just posting to send my best wishes to the OP and other Russians, as well to their brothers and sisters in Ukraine. I've had lifelong love of your vast culture and was given a 30th birthday trip of a lifetime which I'll never forget. This war is dreadful and stupid. I believe everyone has a right to feel proud of where they come from, and the people in power never speak for everyone.

Ah bless you @Softplayhooray such a lovely thing to say but honestly, , looking back with hatred achieves absolutely nothing at all .

Coincidentally, just saw English football supporters in Quatar, dressed as crusaders, and my heart sank.
Just why? It's yet another occasion to breed hatred in the world.

It makes one be ashamed of being English@wherearebeefandonioncrisps. I despair at the lack of social awareness and plain good manners in some people.

How are the ordinary Russian people coping economically?

Have their energy and fuel prices shot up?

Do they have huge food shortages with the imports being limited?

Is there an unemployment problem with western companies withdrawing from Russia?

Are they being squeezed by a cost of living crisis?

I went on holiday to St Pete and Moscow a few years ago..

St Petersburg is magical in the winter. Hermitage museum is huge.

Moscow is very modern and clean.. I was amazed how the streets are spotless, unlike British big cities where there's trash everywhere.