I was forced to wear the hijab - AMA

[coralpig]

I’m inspired by the brave women in Iran and would like to shed light on this experience from the POV of somebody raised in the UK. No longer Hijabi (or Muslim). AMA

What a brave woman.

Who forced you and how did you leave?

Yes I’m interested in the above questions. Was it from childhood, marriage, was it because your parents moved to the uk, or were they born here.

Just background info and what made you stop.

I’m first generation but raised in the UK from very young and my parents are extremely conservative (or probably just extreme full stop). The forcing to wear the scarf was just one of their forms of abuse.

I began to test the boundaries and remove the scarf in public when I was with friends but always wore it I front of them - leading a double life.
that continued for years and the shame was crippling.
They found out when I was in my early 20s and I’d been ‘wearing it’ since 11

What do you make of “white British” women converting to Islam and then saying it’s a personal choice and empowering to cover up?. (Eg Lauren Booth)

Well done, you are very brave and I wish you much future freedom and happiness.

I feel conflicted about. I’m a feminist and I think a woman has the right to do whatever she wants with her body. However (and this is just my POV) I struggle with the idea that, from a Islamic perspective, hijab can be fully viewed as a choice.

overall, I’m very live and let live

Did you face backlash, are you out about being an exmuslim?

Do you think it is required by Islam or are you of the thought of only says bosom needs to be covered?

Do you feel safe now? Have you established a fully independent life from your family?

Well done OP. Full of huge admiration for you and how hard it must have been.

Do you think you are treated differently when wearing the hijab? There are concerns in some countries that the hijab marks women out for Islamophobic - or plain racist -abuse,assault or discrimination.

A few countries have gone so far as to ban the hijab or at least ban it for girls of primary school age in public schools. This seems highly problematic to me. I can see there is an argument it would,in the longer run,benefit future generations of Muslim women. What do you think?

I am semi-out. Im very open with people I interact with on a day to day basis but a lot of my family don’t know and we’ve had to take steps to protect ourselves due to threats we have received.I’m hardly a theological scholar but I do think it’s a requirement (especially when the alternative is burning for eternity)

Thank You for your kindness.
yes I’m entirely independent now - it’s taken a long time to get here and I feel much much safer

I definitely experienced more racism and discrimination in hijab- I imagine that that would be even worse now.

i don’t think bans are a good idea for the reasons you give

Do your family still speak to you and you them? Have there been any repercussions?

My friend had to flee the UK for 8 years because she had been caught texting a white man (uni presentation so was 100% innocent) they found her in various womens aid houses and they attempted to bring her back, with force, each time.

Do you have contact with your parents now? How did they cope with your decision to leave Islam?

I think you're very brave and I wish you well.

im estranged from my parents but that’s not due to the hijab thing. We rebuilt a relationship after they found out.

the reaction was horrific and I was not safe.
I feel much safer now

Do you ever miss anything about wearing a hijab?

What sort of clothes do you generally prefer to wear nowadays?

What sort of reaction did friends your own age have? Supportive/critical/hands-off?

I'm sorry that you had such a difficult time, OP. I'm glad that you feel safer now.

What were you told that would happen if you didnt wear it.

Hijabs are something I also feel really conflicted about. Ultimately I dont think the answer to men telling women what to wear, is for women to start dictating what women should and shouldn't wear. And having spoken to Muslim women on here who are happy with their choice to cover their hair and fully believe in the reasons why its worn, I also can't say that they are being forced to wear it and should stop.

I also don't believe in bans even fir kids because ultimately the best chance of getting out of anything people deem as forced religion etc is education. For that the girls need to be in school. If a hijab is what it takes to keep girls in school then so be it really.

But I am curious as to what women are told will happen if they dont wear one.

@coralpig

I'm glad you're safe.

I was told I would be forced into a marriage or killed (the how was described in graphic detail)

I miss nothing about it - because I was rubbish at styling it. Some hijabi styles are stunning.

i like all sorts of clothes now- I probably dress quite conservatively but I like experimenting with patterns and styles. buying my first bikini was amazing

I think you are really brave and I'm glad you feel safe now. I wish you all the best 💐

Blimey, that's horrific. OP, you are so brave to have been determined to make your own choices anyway, and so brave to be happy to talk about this. Thank you for your time.

That's just horrible 😞 😢 💐

I think you are brave too and hope your path is as smooth as possible. Being true to yourself against such a immovable established cultural norm isn't easy and you should feel proud.
I hope you stay safe

I have a friend who is Pakistani. She was brought up in Pakistan but her family moved to the U.K. when she was an early teen. She describes herself as a Muslim atheist. She says she doesn't believe in anything religiously, but considers herself a Muslim to some extent because it's her culture. She observes Ramadan for example, even though she doesn't have any religious belief at all. She wears a hijab fairly often but not all the time. She wears it say if we went out for a meal or for a special occasion, but she doesn't mind popping to the shop without it for example. She says she just views it as part of her cultural dress and identity.

I suppose it's all very well and good for her because although her parents are religious, they don't mind that she isn't. I'm curious if you attach any cultural sentimentality to the hijab? Or has the trauma of being forced to wear it completely ruined it for you? Do you ever wish you could have worn a hijab on your own terms?