I was forced to wear the hijab - AMA

[coralpig]

I’m inspired by the brave women in Iran and would like to shed light on this experience from the POV of somebody raised in the UK. No longer Hijabi (or Muslim). AMA

Thankyou for your post OP.
I grew up in a Sikh family, dabbled with lots of religions, decided on Islam, and left after a while. During that time, I did experiment with the hijab, but I ultimately left because I just couldn't accept that women were held to such impossibly high standards while men could basically do as they please. But I faced a lot of back lash from all Muslims, especially women. I keep quiet about it mostly, but those that know, especially if they know my ex-h, are extremely nasty.
I'm now estranged from my own family, especially my sister who is a practicing convert to Islam.

I'm sad that this has happened to you. As a religious hijab wearing muslim woman, my parents gently encouraged me but pretty much let me make my own mind up. They certainly never forced me and they said that it's between me and God. I 100-percent believe that it's empowering because you don't have to to prove yourself or be judged by your looks or your beauty; rather your beliefs and what you have to say as a person. I am free from societal pressures to look a certain way and free from trying to achieve unattainable beauty standards imposed on women. I couldn't imagine stepping out of my house without it in a million years. I am so very proud of my identity and furthermore I feel that the hijab ban is an utterly disgusting and egregious move in France and other countries. So so xenophobic, islamophobic and disrespectful in general.

I’m glad you were able to have such a positive experience. I fully acknowledge that my view is coloured by my abuse and trauma but…that damage is done.

I don’t support bans- I have Muslim friends (hijabi and not) who I fully respect and I don’t look at hijabis and automatically think how oppressed they are.
However, I would really like further acknowledgment from certain representatives from the Islamic community that people like me exist. That’s why I think the Iranian women are utterly inspirational. I think if I’d seen them growing up I would have had a lot more hope- I thought I was disgusting, shameful and the only one.

The town I live in has a long established Muslim community, second and third generation British Muslim. Most older women seem to wear the hijab, some younger women do but many young women don't wear it at all.
I have noted recently that quite a lot of younger women (mostly mothers pushing prams) are wearing the full Face veil(niqab?)
Would you say that they do this by choice or because of stricter Islamic upbringing?

Just to add to my post, the communities exist with a reasonable amount of tolerance and not a great deal of racial tension. May have been hear for decades and the niqab only seems to have appeared in the recent few years

I can’t speak for them and I don’t know. Like I said, I’m a feminist. They can wear what they like.

I'm really sorry to hear you were forced into wearing hijab and had to hide it from your parents when you weren't. This isn't Islam at all. Hijab shouldn't be forced and is a choice.

I wear hijab myself, but I was never forced into it. In fact, my mum always said to us to not wear it unless we wanted to and we were ready to take it on. She didn't want us to do it for her or for my dad or whoever else, it's something between yourself and God.

I feel for those who are forced into it. Religion and everything that comes with it is a choice and should never be forced. If I were to decide to not be Muslim anymore, my parents wouldn't cut me off. They would be upset I chose to go a different way, but they would never cut me off or treat my badly.

There's been mention on here of banning hijab, and while I don't agree that hijab should be forced on anyone, I also don't agree that it should be banned. That would mean people like me who choose to wear it would be affected. You would be taking away our freedom and our rights too.

I think hijabs often look amazing but I often wonder about the woman wearing it and whether it was her choice. It is interesting to hear about different experiences and I am glad there are at least some positive stories. I am glad you managed to get past your experience op 💐

I’m glad you feel safe now.

I imagine it must be quite difficult for conservative Muslims to live in the UK what with so many "haram" practices - eating pork, "immodest" dress etc. Is it?

Do you believe in God? I do.

I don’t think I can properly answer the first question- I’ve never considered myself a conservative Muslim but I know plenty manage. Islam is a very ‘broad church’

Im agnostic about God

I live in the middle east (not emirates so conservative place) and I haven’t seen children wear hijabs and long skirts etc.(actually I think I have at a school but it was older girls and I expect dress code at that particular place). However in the UK I have seen tiny little girls wearing those clothes. i think it would generally be frowned on for

Many kids with mums who are fully covered often wear shorts or short skirts etc. Do you think that non arab cultures have added an element of extreme interruption to dress especially for children?

I always wondered if it’s a lack of confidence in religious interpretation from not being arabs?

Sorry if any of my language is clumsy. None of my friends are overly conservative, mix of nationalities few wear the hijab but otherwise are practicing or atheists.

Also I grew up with punjabi people from range of faiths (and Indian and pakistani) and none of the older women wore a hijab everyone wore a chunni. Do you think communities are becoming more conservative as time goes on and aligning more with what they believe is the norm in gulf countries?

I was talking to a conservative Iman and he said that in their culture any woman who didn’t wear the hijab was considered fair game for any man. Perhaps not in so many words but they were his implications. It is up to the women to cover up not up to the men to restrain themselves. I did think it was quite shocking.

That is very shocking.

It’s culture, not religion.

Of course Muslim men have to retrain themselves. They are accountable for their actions and have a whole set of rules they have to follow.

Culture confuses the practice of Islam and leads to awful things like the poor OP’s situation with death threats. That is about as far away from Islamic values as you can get.

*restrain

Hi OP I’m very sorry about your horrific experience, I do agree there are a lot of toxic cultural traits that are deeply ingrained in some families, and it’s disgusting that women are threatened with violence and forced marriage. Utterly abhorrent behaviour.

May I ask why you decided to leave Islam? Was it purely because of your past trauma or other reasons?

Absolutely this, I’m so sorry you went through that OP. I would never force my daughter to wear a scarf, or even allow her to imitate me at a young age like I’ve seen some young girls do - this seems to be quite prevalent in the Asian community where I live, it’s not the done thing in Arab communities (that I know of) and generally frowned upon.

Religion is so personal, it’s between you and God. Parents should not be forcing anything upon their children.