I’m autistic AMA

[EbbyEbs]

Diagnosed at 39. AMA

I think a psychiatrist would be in a better position to answer this but I’ll try.

so autism is a spectrum - from someone who can’t communicate at all or live independently to someone who, like me is high functioning. To be diagnosed with autism you have to have a number of traits - so just being sensitive to certain noises alone would not result in a diagnosis. In your example I think most people would get annoyed at interference on a zoom call but most people wouldn’t get annoyed or feel physical pain from the sound of someone shouting for example. Most people wouldn’t feel like their head was going to explode by the sound of different conversations happening around them.

Most people have special interests … but most people wouldn’t sit and watch documentary after documentary about the same subject over and over again whilst also researching about said subject on the internet and wanting to talk about it non stop to anyone that would listen. Most people would recognise that the other people are getting bored, an autistic person won’t as how could they possibly NOT be interested in this amazing fact I’ve just discovered about my special interest?

The struggles with socialising go way back to being a small child. Yeah a lot of people don’t like small talk but would play with others as kids … the child who constantly spent their childhood alone and disliked because they couldn’t understand the concept of imaginary games etc is different to the others.

yes life can be exhausting for most people but for autistic people it can be near on impossible to navigate

My life ling special interest has always been dogs. Only the breed changes 😂 for many years it was the German shepherd. Then it moved onto the Rottweiler, then the Dobermann. Then it was the Irish wolfhound … then the German shepherd again … then the Dobermann again. More recently it was the Leonberger but now it’s the golden retriever however I can feel the Dobermann coming back in lately 😂

My other current special interest is history, especially British history with an emphasis on dark history. Medieval Britain, castles and knights ❤️

How do you get diagnosed? I have had it suggested to me by 2 people I may be autistic, so am interested in the diagnostic process. Also what is the treatment or is it more than you understand yourself better?

Check lists! I love a good list and it gives me great satisfaction to tick items off.

Todays list for example:

Walk the dog (tick)
Wash the bedding (tick)
grout the tiles (tick)
do some dog training (still do do)
get a shower (still to do)
eat something (still to do)
drink 4 bottles of water (still to do)
practice drawing (still to do)
watch an episode of game of thrones (still to do)

Thanks for replying @BoardLikeAMirror (despite it not being your AMA!)

I find it interesting that you say you wouldn't talk about railway carriages as you recognise that people wouldn't be interested and it would make you stand out yet EbbyEbs talks about her friends talking about breastfeeding, hair and beauty etc and clearly aren't realising that she has zero interest in it. Maybe it's a case of masking too well. Or are the friends rude? I don't know, I find people a bit baffling to be honest!

Could be autism, could be depression

As someone else said, masking is more about wanting to seem normal rather than polite. (Everything they said basically!)

I got a referral from the GP after I described my traits to her. I was on a waiting list for 2.5 years before I got my assessment.

There is no treatment, just validation that you’re not weird, just autistic ☺️

I always feel as though there are a set of things at any given time that most people assume you will be interested in or know about, and most people don't even consider that they might be completely out of some people's frame of reference.

I'm bad at recognising faces, and though there are a few actors I really like (mostly dead ones!), usually if someone names a 'current' actor, I haven't a clue what they are talking about, however I nod along or laugh - basically copy the reactions of everyone else - to disguise this - so I wouldn't blame people for having conversations that don't really include me, because I try to hide the fact I am clueless.

Autistic people with special interests usually learn from bitter experience (ridicule in childhood, for example) not to start talking about them in social settings. Although, it is amazing if you happen on someone who shares an interest (whether a fellow Autist or not) and you can fall into a really intense conversation about it. I live for those rare times!

Are you glad you got your diagnosis?

I was diagnosed two months ago, age 46. And since then life has somewhat fallen apart. Post diagnosis counselling has identify significant childhood trauma. And that alongside processing the diagnosis and supporting my autistic child has left me pretty broken. What I thought would be an explanation of my life seems to have turned everything upside down.

And we have to recover from it. After "socialising" and masking I have to sleep. It's like a bone crushing tiredness and I sometimes lose the ability to speak.
I cannot work due to this. I've tried, twice and I can force myself to do it for a few months and then totally burn out. When working I'd go to work and then come home and sleep. I'd sleep all weekend too.
The burn outs are intense. I ended up in mental health services which led to me getting my diagnosis.

I was once told by a counsellor that she thought most people have some autistic traits. Do you think that is true?

No question from me. Just to say thank you for the thread OP. It's very interesting.

Did you ever get told growing up you were 'too sensitive'? I suspect i am autistic (Have an autistic DS) but unfortunately went to a very narrow minded backwards school (was like the '50's even though it was the '80's) and that was what my teachers told my parents. Now my mum acknowledges it wasn't true but just curious if that is seen as an autistic trait.

"do you want a relationship?/ Are you capable of love?"

These are the kind of highly offensive disabilist attitudes that stop me from telling people about my diagnosis.

I’m not autistic but a lot of what you say resonates with me. I too would far rather talk about Chillingham castle than someone’s kitchen extension or who said what to who. I have a very flat affect and cannot make myself sound super super excited about meeting someone I only saw 5 minutes ago. Even when I was three I hated going to birthday parties or if I did I would sit in a corner and read - I could read when I was three. I prefer being alone but feel I have to have some friends because the DC and DH would think it very odd if I didn’t. I never manage to say the right thing and with exceptions I’m always glad to get home from a social event to recover.

So while not autistic I understand that part of your make-up OP.

Thankyou for posting your AMA EbbyEbbs
Interesting to me as I work 1-1 in Main Stream Primary.
And always willing to learn more..

DS(32) has many autistic traits (esp sensory and social) but has chosen not to be assessed. He lives independently a long way away from me, works from home, shares a flat with an old friend but has no social life, IS very into playing online but no set games, only calls me if his sister nags him to and never calls anyone else.

How do I know he’s OK? How would I know if he’s miserable?

Yes, that's exactly how it is. Working in the office exhausts me, even though I am sitting at a desk, because I have to be constantly masking.

I also find it can make me very irritable and snappy once I am at home and the mask comes off - as if I am in some kind of overdrive - it's very much a physical feeling as well as a mental feeling.

Somebody once described to me that being hearing impaired (acquired rather than being in the deaf community) is like trying to have a conversation at a really loud party. You only catch little parts of the conversation and everyone else seems to know what's going on and you nod and smile and end up exhausted. I wonder if socialising whilst autistic is something akin to this?

Most people have narcissistic traits, but it doesn't mean they are narcissists.

I was told by a social worker the same thing as what the counsellor told you. I found it extremely dismissive of my issues.

My little boy is autistic, 2.5, pre verbal and has limited play skills. I worry about him so much but it’s more how others will treat him, not him himself (if that makes sense). He’s a joy to be with, he’s funny, loves to be outside, affectionate and is a sensory seeker. My little boy is delayed in social skills and other areas. It is becoming increasingly more noticeable.

we pay private for OT and SaLT. Do you think in time he’ll develop more skills and the gap will close or that I need to do more?

with everyone it’s so different, autistic or not. I did a understanding autism course - it was full of negativity and what I read was not the little boy in front of me.

Hi I find it really sad that people have to be diagnosed to understand who they really are. Did you get a diagnosis purely for this and for validation of why you have struggled your whole life or for something else. Things like adhd can be helped with medication not like autism. I’m asking this as my friend is waiting on assessment and she is so stressed that she won’t be diagnosed but she is still the same person no matter the outcome and it’s not going to change her either way she is who she is. Thanks

If you meet someone else with strong interests, which are different to your own - say trains, or penguins, or WW2 - do you find this can be interesting? As in a better basis for conversation than chit chat

My husband is awaiting confirmation of his likely autistic diagnosis, as is my son.

How can I best support them?