AMA: I am an atheist who regularly attends church

[IAmNotHoratio]

I was reading something in bed last night that made me realise I am probably quite an anomaly. I am an atheist (moved from being agnostic to truly feeling that it's all just a social construct) who attends church fairly regularly. I have no idea if this is interesting to people...but I thought I'd find out!

Interesting ‘whose teachings you find abhorrent’ - like ‘love one another’ and ‘love your enemies’ I suppose?

Interesting ‘whose teachings you find abhorrent’ - like ‘love one another’ and ‘love your enemies’ I suppose?

I was referring to when the OP said "It's unfortunately a sort of 'hard-line' church. Orthodox/far right type of thing. Which makes it extra hard. It's very loving, but it's not a CofE type of church that accepts homosexuality etc. So that's why I have a few issues with it. I feel complicit when I do not defend the people it judges. Which then makes me feel very bad."

But I suspect you knew that.

So you don’t give people the right to a religious conscience? Is that what you are saying?

Where the hell did you get that?

I just said that she can love her husband and kids without going to a church whose teaching makes her uncomfortable.

What is the exact denomination OP ? Catholic, eastern orthodox, baptist or something else entirely ?

I don't think anyone is saying that.

Yes spot on - it is an Orthodox church.

Yes I definitely could choose not to go. But at the moment (with the kids being the age they are) the benefits outweigh the risks.

I do worry for the future. How things will change as they grow.

I was unclear - they do attend the main service but pay zero attention to the sermon and the priest doesn't tend to go into controversial stuff like homosexuality etc in those anyway. But they do in the older sunday school sessions. But they sunday school they do attend is all very tame right now. As I've said I don't know how I'll handle it when they are being taught the firmer stuff. I will probably go out of my way to (subtly) undo it all. And my hope is that influences from outside the church (school and society in general) will have a much stronger pull.

Does your DH know you don’t believe?
And if so does it worry him that you won’t be joining him in “heaven”?

He does yes.

I have actually asked him before whether he thinks I'm going to hell but he said he has no idea - he's honestly the most chilled out and non-judgemental character. I know that's quite hard to believe given the kind of God he believes in but it's true. I wouldn't have been able to continue the relationship had he been otherwise. He also doesn't have any idea about whether he's going to heaven either. We often joke about the thresholds for these things. In the church we attend it is believe that the husband is responsible for the wife's spiritual life (or at least suggested - I don't know how much this is actually practised by either husband or wife - I can't imagine any but the most ardently churchy couples actually following through on this) but he stays well and truly out of my spirituality, which is something I respect him for deeply.

That is so interesting, I'm an atheist but I have been considering starting going to church, maybe once a month at our beautiful local cathedral but I wasn't sure if I'd be chased out of there as an intruder. I want to do it for the community as I feel me and my kids are very alone, we have no family and no connections to the area, and also to spend some time in peaceful reflection in a beautiful place. I went to a faith school so it's also the familiarity of the setting. Funnily enough I think it's through going to a faith school that I became an atheist because I read the bible from cover to cover and concluded it wasn't for me at a young age. I didn't not believe but I didn't agree. I think if you teach your kids critical thinking you don't need to worry what else they are taught. If it wasn't for your DH, say if he decided to stop going for some reason, would you still go for the community and other benefits?

I don't think you'll be chased out - do give it a go - the community aspect is wonderful.

I often think that I would never go if it wasn't for DH...however, sometimes I'm not so sure. As long as I could be sure that they wouldn't come away with unhelpful ideas then I might continue. To have that sense of an extended family...it is so so helfpul and important for kids where there is no actual extended family close by. I think it enhances their lives to have that sense of community around them.

You definitely won't be chased out! People go to church for all sorts of reasons, community and peaceful reflection among them. There's no requirement to believe anything in particular (and to be honest if there were, lots of us who think of ourselves as Christian would sometimes fail to meet it, either because we have doubts or because we believe a range of things- I definitely allow a much wider role for metaphor than some people would feel happy with 😂). If you get something from it, that's enough reason to be there and you'll be very welcome.

I still don't understand why you would take your children to a church where they will be taught things that you'll have to "undo" later.

Because nothing is black and white. The church is shades of grey...like everything else. When they come home from school having learnt some crap from their friends, we have to undo that. But I'm not going to stop sending them to school. I think it's an important life lesson that you don't have to be 100% for or against something. Most of the people who go to the church are good people. The fact that sometimes they believe some extremely questionable things almost isn't their fault. If they were able to see what we can see then they wouldn't believe that homosexuality is wrong, but a person is only able to see as much as their awareness will allow them. It doesn't make them bad people. I am sure I have many things wrong in my head because I just haven't learnt the truth yet. And I can't know it until I know it.

OP if it is an eastern orthodox church, ( I am assuming Romanian orthodox, greek orthodox, ukrainian orthodox etc), are the sermons / services etc in english or a foreign language ? Are most of the congregation Romanian/ Greek/ Ukrainian etc, ( delete as appropriate ) ?

It's generally a mixture of a couple of languages. It depends what church you go to - some of them do it in just one language to suit the population that goes to that particular one.

Do you think Jesus would chase you out? Read Luke 7:36-50 for the answer

There have been many controlled studies which have found that the mental health of youth that attend church is better than those that don't.

And there was a study of centenarians several years ago that suggested you were more likely to reach 100 if you were religious!

I’m sorry there is still homophobic preaching in some church services. Our local church isn’t like that though - the vicar is an out and proud lesbian.

I attend church services occasionally - usually Christmas services or religious funerals. I find some of it lovely and peaceful, but it sometimes feels weird and I want to shout out that there’s nobody up there!

I doubt you would be much of an anomaly at the church I attend. I am a believer, however, I Imagine quite a few of our congregation aren't belivers and attend for the community that church provides. I believe community is one of the most important aspects of church. I am a universalist so I dont believe you have to be a believer to go to heaven.

You keep saying you are supporting him in his faith. How does he support you in your atheism? It seems really one sided and hours a week are devoted to indoctrinating your children I'm something and the only alternative offered is that "some people believe, mummy doesn't " after the children are taught Christian dogma as fact

This isn't really like them learning crap from their friends though, more like if you're learning crap from their teachers. If they're teachers at school we're telling them homosexuality is wrong, would you be okay with that?

Frankly, I think you should be ashamed of yourself for implicitly supporting, with your repeated presence and lack of protest, far-right, homophobic views, and for exposing your children to them. This isn’t letting your children go to Spurs matches with your DH even though you’re an Arsenal fan, or watching him play darts, this is supporting your husband’s support for ethically indefensible positions which promote exclusion, hatred and prejudice on the grounds that a deity you don’t believe in says so.

It’s not something you should be doing. You’re normalising something that isn’t ok.