I am a child protection social worker - AMA

[KeepingUpWithTheKs]

I feel as though there are a lot of false information in the press and in general knowledge about child protection social workers so, ask me anything!

I'm heartbroken by a family I know. Neither parent had a a good upbringing. The mum is a nasty cow who doesn't give the children the time of day. She calls them 'little cunts' among other things and she never has a conversation with them. It's always a shout or a moan. The kids live a dogs life. She will shout a name then say 'move' and expect the child to know what she means. The kids lie and steal and fight each other for attention constantly. SS signed them off a few years ago (they had children removed and returned) because they tick all the boxes. The kids are clean, they have a bed, they have a family chore list, they get fed. The emotional neglect and the effect these parents are having on the kids is devastating, but SS have done their bit. What I want to know is why people like this don't get any support? They work by ignoring the kids then shouting when they do something wrong. Which only serves to encourage the children to lie. There is little hope for the future of any of these kids. They live next door to my dad, hence me knowing so much. I talk to them often. These kids are damaged because SS deemed the parents ok. Why?

Hi OP- this could be too specific but what would happen in this case?

Mum has one child- a girl who is 5- lives with partner. Mum and partner often argue, fight, smash things etc. It seems to happen when they take drugs/drink. There has been a lot of police involvement (and SS I think) over the years. Step dad has been arrested and bailed, there have been restraining orders, panic buttons installed etc, but they always end up back together.

From what I know her child has been removed once and placed with a family member. The child takes the brunt of it when step dad leaves/is removed by police, with mum screaming and swearing at her (in my opinion, this is when mum is on a 'come down' from the drugs and alcohol)

Mum is now pregnant with this man's child, arguing continues but she hasn't phoned the police since being pregnant, a neighbour has phoned once but the police were only there a few minutes and it seems they took mums word that everything was ok.

Mum has smoked and got drunk throughout her pregnancy and misses 50% of midwife appointments.

Is it likely they are already on someones radar? Will the hospital/SS asses before the baby is allowed home?

I have reported this family before, I am not sure if SS would deem me as malicious because of the repeated reporting?

What could've been done differently for Arthur Labinjo Hughes to be saved? What do you think will become of that vile step mother, the vile father and also do you know what's happened to the sw involved with that case?

Can you tell if the child has been prepped with what to say or not say?

Well done OP.

I've been in the job 6ish years, maybe more. Make sure you switch off your laptop, take back your TOIL and spend time with your family and friends having fun. I remember my first few years where it utterly consumed me and then you burn out. Take care of your own wellbeing. You don't realise how important that is until it goes. Don't allow yourself to live on the adrenaline.

Someone mentioned that it was a bit rubbish your most experienced person in the team was 10 years. That's really not unheard of in CP work. You can't sustain the level of empathy and care needed to do your job well for years and years. Visceral trauma happens to us.

Can i ask your opinion on the named person legislation that is ongoing in Scotland (not sure about the rest of the uk)

It seems to me vastly unworkable without significant changes in funding and infrastructure in sw, and likely to take time energy and funding from those that really need it....

Thank you for starting such an interesting thread. Are reports always anonymous? Do people have to give their names?

People don't have to give their names I know that much.
Even when it's so obvious who it is they don't give their names 🤣

@Strulch

Hi 👋
You can’t.. from personal experience, I was set on finding and meeting the biological parents.. Which one them do I look like… Do I have siblings… Any medical conditions I need to know off… Why they did what they did… So,so many questions…
I have found them and spoken to them, got some answers and turned out to be more complicated.. Took a while to process, I still speak to / see some of them on occasions. Do I wish I haven’t contacted them? No. Has it given me some answers and helped - yes… 😊

Op how do I get social work to take psychological abuse seriously

I have a severe mental health condition, stable at present, currently pregnant. Will social services be automatically involved? Or only if I get unwell? Never have been before but I’ve never been in this situation before.

So sorry everyone I have been snowed under and things have been quite manic so I haven't managed to get on. I'll work my way through these this evening x

Thank you. Hope you do something fun for you too.

My child is on a CP plan due to DA from their father towards me. 7 months on my partner is showing little real commitment to change despite all the positive noises made at the ICPC. Due to my better understanding of the damage DA does to Children’s development I am now considering splitting from him (as logistically difficult as this will be). In situations like this how long do social workers give the non-abusive parent to end the relationship if things aren’t improving and DA is still occurring. Concerned that they could move to PLO and obviously want to prevent this happening.

I can give you advice and that would be to end the relationship immediately.

SS will want to see you can safeguard your child independently without them telling you what to do. You need to leave the relationship now. Whatever logistics are difficult it will still be better than the alternative of SS think you can’t safeguard your child.

My cousin went through this she had to show she had ended the relationship and was committed to safeguarding her dc

good luck x

Talk to SS and Women's Aid, they can both help you with making the logistics more manageable. You're being really brave and putting your children and yourself first is absolutely the right thing to be doing, people who've never been there have no idea how daunting it feels.

One day you will look back and wish you hadn't wasted these extra 7 months (or 2 years, or 10) of your and your children's life with an abuser who doesn't see any need to change. You'll also turn to one or more of your DCs and realise that they are now idolising and copying their father, and you've quite likely failed to save them, their future spouses and your own grandkids from another generation of trauma.

Don't be me. Please do call. SS can't work miracles in our overstretched system, but will actively want to help you here.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory

@OverTheRubicon for the kind words. It’s true I had no idea until I found myself in this situation. I have a pretty good relationship with the SW so hopefully she can see I’m making progress. It’s so true when they say it is a process!

How much time do you spend in court?

What happens if a parent refuses a Child in Need plan? What is the criterion from referral to CP?

Such an incredible and difficult job. How do you not let it overwhelm you and make you feel depressed? This would be my worry.

Do you think abuse cases have increased? Is there anything making this worse or helping this?

Is there anything else we can do?

They don't tend to come back to their threads if they've not been posted on for a while

I just wanted to update. I left. Went to a refuge for 3 and a half months which was pretty hellish but quite frankly I survived. Just wanted to say to OP that you guys do some awesome work. I am so inspired by my SW that I want to become one. Don’t stop caring! ❤️