Being a foster carer with young children of your own

[Petros9]

Hi, my first thread so bear with. My wife and I fostered for ten years, starting when dd was 3 and ds 5. Ask me anything.

[BiscuitLover3678]

How many children have you fostered?

why did you start?

[Runningslow]

Do you feel your dc miss out on stuff/attention because of it? Have they ever been in danger from any of the foster kids?

[BertieBotts]

Have you read the Cathy Glass books and how accurate are they (I suspect based in truth, but with wishful thinking endings for a lot of them and some retrospective editing to remove/change things that were normal at the time but would be today - but would be interesting if they are just a load of nonsense)

[CraftyGin]

What age children do you foster?

[Petros9]

@BiscuitLover3678

How many children have you fostered?

why did you start?

We fostered ten children, some for a few weeks and one for three years. Some gaps where we didn't have a placement and other times where we had two at once.

We started because my wife and I both felt (simultaneously and independently) that God was calling us to do it. We struggled against that as it wasn't very appealing with young children of our own but submitted in the end and overall glad we did.

[Petros9]

@Runningslow

Do you feel your dc miss out on stuff/attention because of it? Have they ever been in danger from any of the foster kids?

Yes our own kids missed out by having to share parents' attention with the foster children. We also got a bit stuck as a family I'm the sense that we always had small children in the home, even as our dc became teenagers. Never any physical danger from the foster kids but one or two were very difficult characters (for good reason, with truly shocking backgrounds) and put pressure on our family in other ways.

But I was talking to Dd (now 14) about it last week and she concluded that she feels growing up in a fostering family has made her more resilient, more capable and has helped her develop a deeper relationship with her parents. Both our own kids have a wider perspective on families and relationships as a result. And they definitely were never spoiled as they grew up!

[Petros9]

@BertieBotts

Have you read the Cathy Glass books and how accurate are they (I suspect based in truth, but with wishful thinking endings for a lot of them and some retrospective editing to remove/change things that were normal at the time but would be today - but would be interesting if they are just a load of nonsense)

Sorry I don't know those books.

[Petros9]

@CraftyGin

What age children do you foster?

The rule was that the foster kids had to be at least a couple of years younger than our own youngest. So as dd was 3 when we began, we started with babies, including some newborn straight from the hospital, and then took older children as our own grew up, finishing with a baby and an 8 year old last year.

[helloisitmeyourelookingfor]

Why did you stop?

[buckeejit]

How much did you receive in expenses or payment for fostering? Did it cover the extra monetary cost? Did one of you have to give up work?

[Petros9]

@helloisitmeyourelookingfor

Why did you stop?

My wife died unexpectedly. Social services moved the foster children to new placements as I needed to focus on my own children. So we went from a family of six to a family of three in the space of one week!

[Petros9]

@buckeejit

How much did you receive in expenses or payment for fostering? Did it cover the extra monetary cost? Did one of you have to give up work?

My wife worked part time to begin with but more recently she was at home full time, especially once we had two foster placements at once. With two placements, we received about £400 a week. Roughly £150 per child plus £100 skills allowance (connected with doing a certain amount of training and being equipped / prepared to foster fairly challenging children). That more than covered costs. It probably isn't a great hourly rate but is paid tax free and helped things work financially for us. You can make a lot more through an agency (we fostered with the local authority) but the agency placements can be even more challenging and we had amazing support from an excellent local authority social worker.

[SurpriseSurprise]

Do you think you’ll go back to it when your own children are older?

[BluOcty]

I'm so sorry your wife died

[ZooMount]

Do you get a break between each placement? Are you allowed to take them on holiday/abroad?

[ZooMount]

Sorry to hear about your wife 💐

[FriedasCarLoad]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

How do the safer sleeping guidelines for babies under 6m fit in with the rule that Foster children have to have their own room?

And was one of you at home with the children full time?

Did social workers ever view your beliefs as a problem? In the last few years I've known a few Christian couples not cleared for adoption or fostering because of traditional biblical beliefs.

[Petros9]

@SurpriseSurprise

Do you think you’ll go back to it when your own children are older?

It was a joint enterprise so I don't see me going back to it in the future.

[Petros9]

@ZooMount

Do you get a break between each placement? Are you allowed to take them on holiday/abroad?

Yes you are allowed to have as long a break between placements as you like, though of course you don't get any money. You also sometimes wait for a placement when you are ready for one. For every actual placement, I think we had two or three false starts, where ss asked us to get ready for a child coming but then they never came.

Yes you can take the foster children on holiday, including abroad, though they don't always have a passport and that can be tricky. Or you can arrange respite care while you go on holiday with your own kids, which is necessary at times.

[Petros9]

@BluOcty

I'm so sorry your wife died

Thanks.

[Petros9]

@ZooMount

Sorry to hear about your wife 💐

Thanks.

[helloisitmeyourelookingfor]

@Petros9

I am so sorry for your loss

[Petros9]

@FriedasCarLoad

I'm so sorry for your loss.

How do the safer sleeping guidelines for babies under 6m fit in with the rule that Foster children have to have their own room?

And was one of you at home with the children full time?

Did social workers ever view your beliefs as a problem? In the last few years I've known a few Christian couples not cleared for adoption or fostering because of traditional biblical beliefs.

Thanks.

Small babies slept in a cot in our bedroom and moved into their own room at 6 months, as with our own children.

My wife worked part time for a number of years and sometimes the foster children went to nursery while she was at work. There are some meetings to attend but they can be fitted around part time work, and ss will usually pay for nursery costs.

Good point on ss and Christian beliefs. They weren't overly keen on our 'God told us to become foster carers' stance when we first applied, so we applied again with something like 'we just love looking after children' and that was more agreeable. After that, we never had any conflict. Ss were aware we go to church so they wouldn't place any children where that would be a problem for the birth parents. A lot of foster carers are Christians, following a Biblical call to look after orphans, and it pays ss to work with the church as they are short of carers. The problems I have read about involve conflicting views on issues like homosexuality and how that is taught in the home. The children we fostered were too young for that sort of thing to be an issue but I suppose it could have become a problem with older foster children and I'm not sure how that would have turned out.

[Petros9]

@helloisitmeyourelookingfor

@Petros9

I am so sorry for your loss

Thanks.

[Runningslow]

Did you ever come close to adopting any of the children?