Being a foster carer with young children of your own

[Petros9]

Hi, my first thread so bear with. My wife and I fostered for ten years, starting when dd was 3 and ds 5. Ask me anything.

Good question.

We never planned to adopt but we sometimes felt that we would be prepared to keep a particular child in our care for the longer term if they couldn't be adopted or moved back to family. I suppose that could have led to adoption eventually. We knew several carers who did adopt a child in similar circumstances, because it was better forvthe child than long term foster care. But we also fostered some children who we would not have adopted because they were so difficult to handle and we were relieved when they eventually moved on.

I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

I’m so so sorry for your loss and I hope you and your children are ok.

was it painful giving the children back?

how much did you know about their situations - do you ever think them going back to their parents was the wrong choice?

do you think of them often?

how difficult was it to become a foster carer and how long was the process?

It was painful on occasions where we had grown very attached, especially with babies we had from birth who were adopted. But we stayed in touch with those families, which is nice. And the sadness is not deep. People sometimes say 'I couldn't be a foster carer because I wouldn't be able to give them back' and that is a cop out because you absolutely can- you know they aren't staying and they are not like your own children.

You are told quite a lot about their circumstances. Not many went back to their parents. We were grateful not to be involved in those decisions as it is a tough call. Generally we felt that children were better off being adopted because the parent was associated with inappropriate people and struggled to get out of the circumstances that had led to the care order in the first place.

Yes I think of them often and we talk about them often as a family, including with other relatives and friends who knew them.

The process is quite long and can be intrusive as they want to know about previous relationships. As I said previously, ss are not overly keen on overt religion and that slowed us down a bit too.